Thank you for your kind comment. I don't think I could ever reach the legend of Tolkien, but it is wonderful to hear!

This tells a beautiful story. Reminds me of the kind of poem Tolkien would write for the elves to sing. 

Thank you. Especially coming from as talented a writer as you are! 

I like the rhythm, and even some offbeat lines like line 4. I didn't like the second-to-last line as much. ["ask . . . to return the favor"](https://oc.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8n083o/her_innocence/)

Thank you for your kind words. The haunted soul was accidental, but turned out well. My intention is to help people think about decisions that are being made, and what can result from the choices that are made which it seems we have little control over. It is so important. 

I love this. The idea that all of the things worth saving were destroyed in the process of saving it is powerful, and though it's something written about before, your take on it is fresh. It's very conversational as well, it's incredibly natural.

I notice one interesting thing that you did in line 2, line 14, and line 20 was structure the sentence to have the subject sound like the object (e.g. "What be life if freedom lost" could mean, "What if we lost our freedom" or "What if freedom, the concept, lost") and it's fascinating, it makes it sound like it's a very old translation, and lets you play with the twin meanings of the sentences. It effectively doubles the meaning, because as a reader I'm looking at it and thinking how a soul that haunts is haunted itself. If it's intentional, it's very clever! If not, even better, just tell people it's intentional. I want to try that out in my own work.

You did a fantastic job on this, I think it should go without saying that there's nothing 

I really, really like this poem.  I know we're supposed to give feedback, but I don't see much to pick at.  If I had to be nit picky, I'd say the line, "Our son asked, "Is this what you wanted?," felt a little off tempo.

Thank you for your very serious and helpful critique. I agree with you about WW2 and the Poland analogy, and the transitional "blip" I am kind of a history fan and am always eager to learn.

I love the prose, the message, and the way it "flows" for lack of a better word.

I disagree about it being analagous to Tolkien's work, as it seems more similar to poems I've read that were written by denizens of various Middle European countries during the world wars...

The lines "loss of country, flag, and home"
References to various "indignities", "perversions", and loss of freedom really remind me of ww2 Poland, for example.

The only criticism I can add is that the transition between "wanted" and "haunted" throws the rhyme scheme/flow a bit. It's not, however, horribly jarring to read.

I'd give it an 8/10 overall. Very nice. 



All in ruins, laid to waste 

Raped and plundered, as we raced

Like demons gone to hell and cursed,

Ah, but that was not the worst.

The worst was always yet to be 

Through every last indignity 

When nothing could seem quite that bad

Some new perversion would be had.

Our gentle husbands, fathers, dead

They tried to compromise instead 

Of suffering the loss of war...

Were we not worth fighting for?

Our son asked, "Is this what you wanted?

My father dead, his soul be haunted,

The loss of country, flag, and home,

Our way of life, and all we owned?

I'm not a wise or profound lad

But I know surely what we had

Would be worth the lives war cost,

For what be life, if freedom lost?


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8pzy02/my_forgiveness_is_not_gentle/e0oqxma?utm_source=reddit-android

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/8qmdg4/insomniacs_prayer/e0or792?utm_source=reddit-android





What Be Life?