UNINVITED GUESTS

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I saw a "fixer upper"
On sale for twenty grand.
A lovely English manor
With a garden and some land.

I thought, "Now, this is really nice!
I'd LOVE to have this place.
I'll live a life of luxury.
I think I've found an Ace."

I asked the agent one more time,
"The price is twenty grand?"
She grinned and whispered, "Yes, it is,"
My check was in my hand.

But then my brain began to balk:
"Aren't you the brightest color?
A manor house for twenty grand?
You really are a dullard!"

"Now you could buy a car for that,
But not a manor home.
Hey, Mrs. Dimwit, can't you see
There's something going on?"

"Another zero's missing,
And it ain't a typo, Dear.
You better not consider this.
I bet there's ghosts in here!"

Buuut, I let my curiosity
Take me from room to room.
And even though the lights were on
The house seemed filled with gloom.

The door into the understairs
Was boarded up real tight.
The attic and the cellar doors
Were sealed with metal spikes.

I turned and asked the agent.
"Now, why's the price so low?"
She dropped her eyes and said,
"Well, renters seem to come and go,

The owners have decided
They will sell instead of rent.
The upkeep is too much for them.
It's their white elephant."

And that is when I saw them!
A woman strolling by!
And then I saw an old man
From the corner of my eye.

I turned around in disbelief,
And in an angry tone,
I said, "No one will live here
'Cause they know what's going on.

So, you can keep your little house.
I'll live inside a shed
Before I move into this place
And live among the dead!"

Posted Jun 23, 2018, 12:09 AM UTC

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