Romance and Rabies

I loved you

Only after

It was already too late

'

I know you’ve heard me say this before

But this time it’s different

Just like all the other times

'

History repeats itself

Lessons go unlearned

Until they are learned

And the universe

Sits back in an old brown-leather recliner

With a scotch in hand

A pipe on the table

And the big game on TV

Laughing arrogantly

'

I can only love

As I love

And as I love

(I'm sorry)

I love cruelly

Savagely

And in a suspect manner

(I tried to warn you)

'

Only after I’ve tortured you enough

To know it to be true

'

I’m a dog

You called me

After you learned

Of my mischievous past

But I learned more when

Secondhand I learned of yours:

In that at least once

To me, you had

Lied

'

Lie with an army of my enemies

But always speak the truth!

'

So, I snarled

And I growled

And went running

Angry, not because of what you had hid

But because

I could never again fully trust those words

That once asked (rhetorically)

"Who's a good boy?"

'

I’m a dog

You rescued

But why?

What exactly were your intentions?

What were you expecting from me?

'

I'm a dog

You rescued

And you foolishly asked nothing

Of the place I was "rescued" from

And what it had done to me

'

I'm a dog

You rescued

Only to abandon

Remorsefully

After too many bites to your feeding hand.

Too much work

And not enough payoff

'

I get it.

'

Who's a good boy? (they sound boring)

Can you teach an old dog new tricks? (you don't own me)

Are we all just a product of our circumstances? (asking for a friend)

Why do I howl at the moon every night

Like a maniac

Like it’s taunting me?

Oftentimes, when the doorbell rings

Or mail is delivered

I’ll sometimes wonder why

I’m screaming

With fists clenched

Teeth bearing

and day ruined.

'

When you said “I love you”

Soon after

I saw you

as an

oppressive and domineering landmark

The Eiffel Tower

Sandwiched between two men you met on Craigslist

Having their way with you

While I planned our wedding

'

Little well-intentioned white lies

White like me (and not you)

White like a wedding dress

White like hundreds of years of systematic oppression (allegedly)

I should have warned you

The penalty for such an offense:

Torture.

Done unconsciously,

Exquisitely.

'

Prior victims /

perceived offenders /

paramours

Never were the same again.

I’m sorry

I hope it won’t be true

And I think you are stronger

And if I’m right I’ll know you were the one

But

I hope

I haven’t made you like me.

'

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