It feels like the easy way to deal.

35, white male. Overweight. Smoker. Drug addict. 'great guy'.

I have been running a business into the ground over the past year. I haven't made enough money to pay myself in 6 months. I owe a couple thousand in taxes, and tens of thousands in student loans. I owe money to a lawyer for defending myself against a false accusation.

I have gone home to an empty house for more than 6 years now. The drugs have been the only way to cope with the solitude. And it gets in the way of making any progress.

Now I get to go compete for literally any job that can pay me. Even minimum wage. Which means I'm competing against high school kids for literally any money to live on. I'm fairly sure I'll get to hear how I am over qualified. It doesn't matter that I need food. On top of that, I can't piss clean, so it's highly likely I won't be able to be hired in the first place.

I don't see this getting much better. I am fairly confident that the only thing I have to look forward to is going home and getting fucked up to help me forget how shitty life is.

I am so tired of this stupid life. I am tired of working hard, and being a nice person. I fucking hate myself, and I don't see that changing.

Everyone wants to suggest therapy. I can't even afford to pay for groceries.

The only thing that has kept me from offing myself up to this point is that I didn't want to make my father sad. But it's hard to even keep that going.

I'm sick of hearing how privileged I am. I am sick of hearing people say what a great person I am. I'm a sad sack of shit, and it honestly seems like it would be better if I just didn't exist anymore.