Source
r/TalesFromYourServer•
CookingWithFyah

I accidentally called a girl fat today

Short

I work at a tiny diner in a tiny town. Eight tables. So we get a lot of regulars. This one young lady comes in weekly with her dad and buys breakfast. They are sweet and friendly to me all the time.

So, today she comes in with a young man and they have a sandwich each. I was born socially awkward and I'm pretty sure I'll die that way. I make small talk and when its time to pay, I give her the bill. She says, "that's a lot less than when my dad comes in with me" and laughes... I am still trying to talk like a human and say, "at least it doesn't go to waste" and laugh. She gets quiet and I realize what I just said. Instead of just letting it go I continue to talk. Telling her I hate throwing away food and how I can't eat that much. My only defence for this is I used to work in warehouses and gas stations so I don't have much tact.

Anyone know ways to talk to strangers better?

Posted Jul 25, 2018, 2:55 AM UTC

9927
Mylovekills•

Nope. If you figure it out let me know, please.

(My big sister used to basically be my interpreter. When I'd say something wrong, she'd call me on it, and explain how what I meant differed from what I said. She was probably the only person, ever, who "got" me.)

69
CookingWithFyahOP•

Ah, same! My SO usually does the talking and is the only one who knows what I'm saying. Glad I'm not alone in that.

The "was" in your comment makes me sad though.

29
Mylovekills•

Thank you. 2.5 years, and I still cry every day.

31
Smashing_Glass_Man•

Dang... I'm sorry. virtual hug

4
Mylovekills•

Thank you. (We established I'm not good with words, right? Ok...) My sister got married,took his last name. They divorced she kept the name. She remarried, still kept 1st husband's name, because it was a great name. It was Glass. Just kinda, idk, weird coincidence

5
GypsySnowflake•

I'm still over here trying to figure out what's wrong with what you said...

35
BurnAccount1974•

Boyfriend and daughter have a sandwich apiece and have a small bill.

Daughter and dad come in for breakfast and order more food and have a larger bill.

Server remarks that even when the bill is higher (more food), dad and daughter eat it all, implying they both eat a lot with no problems.

18
tuvalutiktok•

But that's not calling the girl fat? Plenty of people eat a lot and aren't fat, her dad could eat a lot or be a big, burly guy, she might not be as hungry tonight.... not the best comment but not a catastrophe.

28
BurnAccount1974•

I agree with you.

I was just clearing up the confusion.

9
tuvalutiktok•

Ah, okay. Thanks for that, btw, because I was honestly a bit puzzled about what actually happened and your version cleared that up.

3
lovelylullabyme•

I don’t understand either...

12
Kellidra•

Me neither.

7
Brainyreaper4•

Me too. I wouldnt have been offended by any part of that conversation...

3
AuntyAce•

Try to make everything help the other person feel good . Even better an indirect compliment or topic.

So in given statement : yeah the chefs were a bit excited to start the regular order until I mentioned you weren't here with your dad. Tell him hi for us! We always look forward to our kind regulars!

Easy example compliment a change in situation -as given- something they can change or control. Hair, clothing, singing without realizing it, being kind or helpful.

"Wow that color is beautiful on you/ hey I just wanted to say I like your watch! It's always a pleasure to see you!"

7
sagaofmalaria•

Would that work? As BOH if someone made that statement to me then said the kitchen was "excited to start my regular order", that immediately says bullshit and you're awkwardly trying to cover for your bad wording. But that could be me being a cyincal cook.

7
AuntyAce•

People are stupid.

And we do have one regular the chefs are excited to make his food. He always tips them and we have an open kitchen so sometimes it starts the "mojito effect" and everyone starts sending stuff that way.

Kind of like they're happy when I'm there because I check if they need sodas etc.

2
CookingWithFyahOP•

I usually comment on the weather but it hardly changes so its getting a little warn out.

The other problem I have is long term memory loss so remembering faces is not easy. I remember them based on orders or shoes. Pretty sure I'm known around town as "The Awkward Waitress"

4
lance_cavendish•

If it makes you feel better I did the same thing here, here’s the story:

I worked at a clothing store that is well known for its jeans. I had just gotten hired as an assistant manager about a week before and was on the register. We had a clearance sale- I think the jeans were $10 or so and absolutely a final sale- no returns/no exchanges with a sign stating the same. A woman comes to the register to buy a women’s size 4 for her daughter who was at another store and I reiterated that these were a final sale because she mentioned that they were for her daughter and her daughter hadn’t tried them on. She buys them anyway.

About an hour later she comes back with the jeans and the receipt and asks to return them. This time her daughter is with her. She asks to return them and I (mostly because I just started) was adamant about the final sale policy. She said she thought they would fit her daughter and I look at her daughter (who wasn’t morbidly obese or anything but definitely a size 12 or 14) and said, “you thought a size 4 was going to fit her?”

It just slipped out. She was rightfully pissed and asked to speak to the manager- she was less than happy to learn that I was the manager. She asked what she was going to with these jeans and (I was kind of pissed now myself- because I remembered our earlier conversation) and told her that she should “donate them.” Again she was not happy and said she would be contacting our corporate office (no clue if she did- never heard anything about it).

During the entire exchange her daughter was standing there and I felt so bad for what I said, the look on her daughter’s face was one of supreme embarrassment. The look on my face must have been one of shame and regret. I still feel bad about this.

7
tragicworldrecord•

Wow that poor girl. You should have allowed the return as a one off imo.

-2†
lance_cavendish•

Maybe, but like I said, I had just started and didn’t want to start breaking rules in regards to the return policy yet. Besides which, her mom was a total bitch even before trying to return the jeans.

3
rationaljackass•

Lol, there's a difference between bartending, serving, and being a manager and how you have "small talk". As a bartender you have a lot of leeway to say what you want and most bar guests will be ok with it. Managing is more "everything tasting ok?" "Ya I like that server too" "What brings y'all in?". Serving is more eclectic. It's a grab bag of bartending and MGMT. If you can dance around it then you'll be fantastic and make money, but the "gift of gab" isn't something you can be taught unfortunately. You just get comfortable enough to own your section, and the guests in it.

I believe in you

3
SukyTawdry66•

Not nearly as bad as when my co-worker was serving a table and asked the woman when she was due... the woman’s reply? “I’m NOT pregnant!”

3
TheCatInTheCap•

Usually if people don’t finish their meal and I ask if they want a box but decline I will say sarcastically (but subtly) yay lunch/dinner! But laugh as I walk away with plates to make it clear that I’m kidding.

2
jams1015•

I don't think what you said was bad. I wouldn't have interpreted it as you calling me fat.

As to your question, less is more. Always leave 'em wanting more.

2
CookingWithFyahOP•

That makes me feel better about it. I'm overly polite and extremely shy so conversation is not easy.

1