[982] Lily’s Garden

Hi! First time posting! This is the opening of my novel, (rough draft) it’s set around late 1800s/early 1900s and about colonialism, identity and sacrifice. I’m eager for all critiques and ready for your best and brutal honesty.

Thank you!

Lily’s Garden

Critique 1092

-Just realised my word docs app is formatted in a way that any changes I make will automatically change the document in this link, therefore what is up here now is not what was originally posted. So the last original version of this, was when this post was 16 hours old. Sorry!

Thank you everyone. If anyone’s interested, I’m going to put here a short list of things I’ll work on

1. Paragraph this

2. Use time passing phrases

3. Expand on each major action so they feel like scenes, and less like a melding of dream-days. Also, I’ve decided to weave a major event in this, so you see it’s progression and this will better link it all together

4. Check my punctuation

5. See if I can simplify some things without compromising on its essence

6. Narrative- use the mystery of the letters straight away. In each segment of a day, I’ll have Lily try to uncover what’s in them. Then in the next bit, I can have an explosion of conflict

Thank you everyone who took the time to help me. I really appreciate it.