The Truth Behind the Mask
The Truth Behind the Mask
As a toddler she was kind of rough,
crawling, walking, and racing around.
Always proving that she was tough,
getting back up when she hit the ground.
Hot wheels, legos, and army men,
don’t give her dolls or kitchen sets.
She doesn’t want pink skirts and dresses,
give her dino shirts and sweats.
Princess costumes are rejected,
Spider-Man is much preferred,
for when halloween approaches
another choice would be absurd.
Her first real friend from school was Eddie.
They played with lincoln logs and tractors.
She thought that this made her a boy,
then learned of other factors.
One time she saw Eddie peeing
on the fence in his backyard.
He suggested that she try it,
she quickly learned that it was hard
Fast forward three more years,
now she loves to dance and sing.
Nsync, Britney Spears, and Hanson,
Boy crushes became a thing.
Still, she was called a tomboy,
baseball caps and cool sunglasses,
mix in diaries and gel pens,
and laughter, farting - passing gasses.
Unladylike and mostly boyish,
post-elementary school she’d learn
gender variance is frowned upon.
Things were ‘bout to take a turn.
Sixth grade came - and god forbid
she wear her shorts past the knee,
decide not to shave her legs;
In stalls, face backwards when she’d pee.
Middle school was terrible.
Kids called her “Lesbo,” called her “gay.”
She spent an awful lot of time alone,
the teasing didn’t go away.
She still had a couple friends,
though sometimes they’d poke too,
reminding her that she was different-
“Sure we’re girls, but not like you!”
To some she was “that skater chick,”
Popular kids called her “the dyke,”
Most didn’t know its meaning but
if the cool kids said it, it was right.
Her best friend was bisexual,
knew this girl well and had a hunch.
They talked of queer celebrities
over chips and coke at lunch.
Watching Rocky Horror Picture Show,
and The Birdcage - they explored.
Rupaul, Boy George, and Michael Jackson -
David Bowie struck a chord.
In high school things began to change,
she met cool homos and queer kids.
Boys that dressed like girls,
and things society forbid.
Still she suppressed all femininity
in fear of treatment as a girl,
she gained the nickname of “Chiquito”
(Her birth name made her want to hurl.)
She tried boyfriends, she tried girlfriends,
still there were things she did not like.
Her partners loved her as a woman,
and this to her did not seem right.
One day on Jerry Springer
there was a woman with large hands.
He was mocking her decision
to be a woman, though born man.
For the first time in forever
she learned “transgender” was a word.
For one born into the wrong body
and her emotions had been stirred.
The episode stuck with her
and from that point on she knew-
that she was trans and needed help,
but there was nothing she could do.
She was quite afraid to tell her kin
that she really was a boy.
She wanted to look the way she felt
to be a man would bring great joy.
She was really not much of a girl at all,
She was a boy - though kind of small.
He was a boy at heart and in his soul,
just in the wrong body, that’s all.
He knew his want, he knew his need
and if you looked real close you’d see,
he was just the same boy that he’d always been,
yes - that little boy was me.
I came out to my family,
told them that I had a plan.
My mother didn’t understand,
how could her daughter be a man?
My twin would lose her sister,
the two of us had an intense fight.
She didn’t want me as a brother,
how the hell was this alright?
Years went by and I was lonely,
waiting for some to have my back.
Finally I could wait no longer,
for the future looked too black.
I changed my name and started hormones.
Told the world, “Hey this is who I am.
You don’t have to support or like it.
Frankly, I don’t give a damn.”
Soon the world began to see me
as the man I was meant to be.
I was at last truly happy,
I felt confident and free.
I now embrace my love of musicals,
And I finally wear pink clothes,
abandoned toxic masculinity,
now even sometimes paint my toes.
I join for brunch and mani-pedis
now that gays see me as a man.
Hook up now and then on Grindr,
attend drag shows when I can.
I stand nervously before you,
with what needs to be addressed:
I am a feminine, gay, trans-man
and I will not be oppressed.
Posted Sep 14, 2018, 7:05 AM UTC