[1543] The Price of Amethyst (short story)

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Update: Thanks for the feedback! I'm posting an updated version for critique, so I removed the old link. Thanks again!

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Need some help with this short story. Everyone who reads it says "it's interesting," but their faces say they don't like it. Is my concept fatally flawed? Thanks in advance for any/all feedback!

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Critiques (old, but not expired):

[1392] The Inheritance Ch 1 https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/92nvhd/1392_the_inheritance_ch1/e3am9fr/?context=3

[2509] Lord Alden Ewart's Agency for the Paranormal (Chapter 2) https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/925w93/2509lord_alden_ewarts_agency_for_the_paranormal/e35ulcx/?context=3