Manic depressive

it’s degenerative

a sickness to spoil and debase me

untrimmed fingers pulling my underwear to the side

yet somehow disguised

somehow feeling more like

sweaty fists clutching pillows and sheets

your mouth on every part of me

how could I ever grow tired

or use this bed to sleep

—————

devour this delightful feeling with

jaw-clenched vigilance

come to my

fleshy nightclub, pulsing

pitching lights onto the ceiling

as I come again with a new beau

radio dial reeling out of control

is that Terry Gross

come again, harder

is that

a new beau or another face

I’m so fun when I’m like this

aren’t I fun when I’m like this

—————

past midnight, not quite five

incessant picking

teeth snagging cuticles, ripping

spitting skin into the darkness

into the sheets

kicking blankets and crumbs

standing up

realizing I’ve never loved anyone

pulling unfinished canvas from easel

relic of a former season

foreign silhouette in the corner

freeze up, turn, ignore it

—————

waking in sweat

snoozed the alarm nearly an hour

late again but I’ll wait

muttering mortifications to my pillow

I recall crunching it like a leaf in heat

really should’ve gotten up to shower

when was the last time I changed

these sheets

—————

pills like chalk to the back of my throat

I used to swallow you

better, I used to swallow me whole

violent with verve, regretless smirk

I’m so grotesque

propped up against corner of bed

catcalling something so out of my league

utterly lecherous for that

memory of degeneracy

or was it

degenerative

—————

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