Swan Song (Feedback Request)

One day

I dream of writing something

So beautiful

That my mother breaks out

In tears of joy

upon reading

Just for the sake

Of feeling

Like a great big Swan

With silk white feathers

And a proud, stout neck

Wading weightlessly through the water.

​

Critique 1- https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/9haizp/stir/e6aotvm/?context=3

Critique 2- https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/9i5q65/searching/e6h3byw/?context=3