You open up to someone and you an feel the energy shift, the door closing on you. Who you really are shatters the illusion of who they think you are and nothing can ever be the same. How do you all emotionally cope with that?
Posted Dec 20, 2018, 8:35 PM UTC
I think personally I go through a bunch of ridiculous phases.
First I get mad at them. I'll call them all possible things in my head. I'll blame them for everything. Or I'll think of all things wrong about them. I'd never say any of that to them though, that's all just a mechanism inside me, in order to protect myself from any kind of hurt.
Next, usually at night, my brain will hit the switch. Suddenly, I'm the one to blame. Of course they wouldn't want to stay in touch with me. I'm this and that. I'm all wrong. They're probably better off without me anyway. How do I even have any friends, at all?
Then starts the big overthinking and further insecurity. What did I say? Was I being mean? Were they sending subtle hints I didn't get? Can I still fix it? Should I even attempt to do anything about it?
Eventually, I'll have tired myself out. I'll have thought about the topic so intensely, and for such a long time, that I'll just snap and go "You know what, it's not worth the effort anymore". Then the thoughts get less and less, almost unnoticeably, but gradually.
Suddenly, something will remind you of that person again. And that's when you'll realize that they haven't even crossed your mind for several weeks. That's when you know that you have, somehow, successfully coped with it.
Now, there's two things that you can actively do:
Allow yourself to feel those feels and go through the stages
Distract yourself as best as you can with daily activites. Life will keep going on and happening. The world isn't going to stop turning. You're still the same awesome person you were before this happened. I know you might be going through something tough in the moment, but such is to be human.
Thank you :)
Im currently going through this and in the beginning i obsessed so much and created this made up version of the person and what would happen if it worked out. Which definitely made it hurt more when i interacted with the real person. The thing that worked for me was to first accept the reality and stop the ‘what if’ thinking habit once i realized i was doing it. Also, doing things like crafts or journaling or anything that would occupy my mind helped.
This is totally on point! Obviously they weren't who you thought they were either. A misunderstanding was resolved. A more authentic acquaintance becomes possible, that is based on legitimate compatibility and meeting at true halfway rather than expectations and hopes.
When it happens I sort of do an internal head nod and absorb the change so I don’t cross the great boundary that just now exist. We’ll be pleasant, but I’ll be more cautious than the person probably even expects.
Reject them first. Pre-emptive strike
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I wonder if this is what went through my INFJ friend's head when I shut the door on her. This is, in an essence, exactly what happened.
I remember that my happiness and well-being do not depend on what other people think about me