Overhear people talking about a place you know about, but no one else does, think "holy shit I can be useful for once", say that on top of this specific place is an old, abandoned refectory which is cool to visit, no one looking at you, no one answering, probably no one even heard.
Happens too often.
Think "K. That worked". Walk away silently.
Posted Apr 15, 2019, 12:01 PM UTC
It's true, often it'll happen that I have something productive to add and no one pays attention. People build a bad first impression of you and stick to it, they don't want to give you a chance because you are already the loser in their eyes and they want nothing to do with you.
Plus I hate small talk, so that doesn't help at all when conversing. I don't know, to me conversation is merely a means to exchange information, if I have nothing to talk about I'll remain quiet. To other people, small talk and gossip is recreational, and unconsciously they use it as a tool to measure someone's worth and impose their views.
Really smart and accurate observations. It's weird how everyone is celebrating how open they are to equality and accepting others when in reality they don't even realize how many people the ignore while pushing their own selfworth.
just agree to everything
Yeah, I just take it in stride at this point. Idk, maybe things I say just come off as stupid...but I really can't imagine that being the reason because even people who say the dumbest shit still get listened to. Wether I sit there explaining something deep or just adding something simple I tend to get ignored regardless. Every once in a while (even over half the time tbh) I can brush off being ignored but when it's just such a common thing it just makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. There have been times where someone will say what I literally just said in the same tone and everything but they get an actual response instead of crickets. Even in shit I'm well versed in people won't take anything I say serious. I always have to prove myself through actions and even then I have to do something extraordinary to get the same recognition that someone would get for being mediocre at the task. I really don't get it
I find it hard to even look people in the eye. Thats how bad Ive gotten.
Just with my family.
Ya this happens way to often. But alot of times I dont talk to anyone and hate small talk so alot of my coworkers probably think I'm rude. So when I finally do speak up most just ignore me. But I do understand, most ppl dont like others who only talk when they want too. If you dont engage in small talk when they want too they'll do the same thing to you and not engage in conversation when you want too.
I used to be really bad at conversations and small-talk when I was younger, but over the years I have slowly improved. So I'll share my technique for making conversations.
I have realized that to keep a conversation going requires a mixture of revealing things about yourself, and asking questions about others and listening to their answers and responding, with the balance being more listening than talking.
This is how I do it now. For example, I see an acquaintance in the hallway.
Me: Hey OtherPerson, how're you doing today?
OtherPerson: Hey DarkKnightsButler, I'm doing good. How're you doing?
Me: I'm good too.
At this point, the conversation can just die if there is an awkward pause, so reveal something about yourself to introduce a topic of conversation.
Me: I'm really excited about <new season of GoT / Avengers movie / some other thing that's going to happen soon>. Do you watch <GoT / Avengers / some other thing>?
At this point it can go two ways.
Scenario 1:
OtherPerson: Yes, I also watch <GoT / Avengers / some other thing>.
Now you both have a common topic you both are interested in (GoT / Avengers / some other thing), and you can continue the topic about that.
Me: Oh cool, who's your favorite <GoT / Avengers > character?
OtherPerson: XYZ
Me: Yeah, XYZ is nice. I like ABC more though. Why do you like XYZ?
...
...
So the rest of the conversation is just asking questions, giving your own inputs on their answers, and asking them more questions related to the answer they just gave. And it can keep going as long as both have time and are enjoying the topic.
Scenario 2:
OtherPerson: No, I don't watch <GoT / Avengers / some other thing>.
Me: Okay, so what kind of <shows/movies> do you watch? How do you spend time on the weekends?
OtherPerson: I usually watch/do DEF.
Me: Oh, DEF sounds cool. How long have you been doing that? How can I also try it?
...
...
So the rest of the conversation is just asking questions, giving your own inputs on their answers, and asking them more questions related to the answer they just gave. And it can keep going as long as both have time and are enjoying the conversation.
This way you can start and maintain long conversations with anyone about any topic. Just remember to show genuine interest in whatever the other person is talking about, ask them open-ended questions about it, and say nice and relevant comments about their answers. It works with almost everyone and everywhere.
Even if you are not very interested in the topic they are talking about, talk about it for a while, and then slowly transition to topics you care more about. E.g.
OtherPerson: <has been talking about hobby XYZ for a while>
Me: Hey, speaking of hobbies, I recently started a new hobby ABC.
OtherPerson: Oh, cool, <asks question about your hobby ABC>
Me: <Talk more about ABC>
And so on.
But remember that you don't hog the conversation with only the topics that you care about, otherwise the other person will get bored and will want to end the conversation. For at least half the time, let the other person talk about the things they care about.
So this is my guide to starting and maintaining conversations. Hope this helps. :)
How to talk like a boring NPC. Thx, but no thx. And there is always a third way of the other person just saying ok cool, like they always do with me, and go away.
You'll be surprised, but most of people in the world bond with one another everyday over normal, and what you call "boring NPC" conversation. That's just what most of the world does.
Just confidently start having these conversations, and you'll make a bunch of acquaintances and friends with time. That's what most of "normies" do. They get genuinely interested in one another, and get to know each other through these normal conversations. There is no other special secret to having conversations or making friends.
Try it, it really works.
Yeah this happens way too often with me. That's why I only ever give my own input if I know for a fact that I'll get feedback from whatever I may say.
I rarely try to add anything to a strangers conversation. I'd find it a bit nerve racking and possibly disruptive of me.
I find it best only to really converse amongst those I've established friendships or connections with.
Otherwise unless someone gives me eye contact and initiates conversation, I rarely contribute.
same here. But how do you make friends if you can't talk? I mean I have friends and there was this 1 situation which really defines what my problem is.
So I am out with friends, they talk, I was not too motivated to talk in this specific moment for no reason, random guy comes sitting at our table and stares at us for like 1 or two minutes. I found it weird, but not really distress. It was a metal bar so most people are friendly. Maybe he's a tourist or something and has no friends, or has no friends in general, idk, did not really think about it too much. After these 2 minutes he asked for a cigarette out of the blue and I gave him one and he started talking to me what he is doing casually. Really nice guy, but one of my friends seemed more interested even when I actually did talk to him and so I was uninteresting again anyways. Oh, and my thought about him not being from town were true, not a tourist though.
On the other hand, when I just go somewhere with 1 friend even if they are more open than I am, I sometimes don't come off as "too uninteresting/uninterested" and end up making friends somehow.
Interesting.
In my case it's a matter of what sparks my interest.
If I don't want to talk, I'll withdraw and Bascically be dismissive or as uninteresting as possible whilst still being polite.
That's usually my mood when I go out without the intention of interaction.
But when I am interested. Like I'm in some mutual place like a manga shop or something and I notice someone looking at something I love. So long as they indicate interest in me (looking at what I'm doing, eye contact, Bascically looking at their body language to see if they're inviting or not) I may muster up the charisma and enthusiasm to hit up a conversation.
One time I was out to meet up with a friend. But I got to down an hour early so I went for a meal.
a foreigner called me out on my Tokyo ghoul bag in McDonald's. Just said she really liked it and I thanked her. A little while later I saw her again and talked a little. In the end I sat down with my meal, With this total stranger whilst we spoke about anime for an hour.
Great conversation, sadly she went back to her country and didn't have any social media that we both shared.
I attract nerds as friends, mostly because they're the odd ones out that usually feel just as awkward as I do talking to random people unless they're into the same stuff. Totally skipping small talk and straight into the depths of anime theory it goes~