444 days without a drink! I survived the beginning and the end of my first (sober) relationship ...
Hey SD Fam! I thought I should check in and then realized it’s been 444 days since my last drink. I think my last post was about sober sex; this one is about the aftermath. I had my first short-term sober relationship start and stop these past few weeks. I’m bummed it didn’t work out, but I’m proud to say that I didn’t want to drink at all to deal with the shitty emotions. The thought never even crossed my mind. I’m still dealing with feeling like crap, but it’s good knowing that I’m actually processing my emotions and not numbing them with booze.
I’ve been journaling a ton and I think I’m going to try some online therapy. I thought I was ready to date again, but maybe not. It’s confusing AF out there, y’all! Trying to figure out what kind of relationship I want, and feeling that the best way to do that is to date, but also being worried about hurting someone and getting hurt … it’s a lot to figure out. Sometimes I genuinely feel bad for the people who dated me when I was in the midst of my alcoholism. I was a shitty person back then, and I’m striving to not be a shitty person now. As a good friend of mine says, “We all have our shit, and we all have our shine.” I’m trying to let my light shine through, but man it’s tough.
Before I ramble on too much longer I just wanted to check in and give everyone some encouragement that it’s possible to get out there and meet other people without the crutch of booze. And if things don’t work out, know that you are strong enough to deal without picking up a drink.
IWNDWYT, fam.
Posted Apr 18, 2019, 4:24 AM UTC
I've been having a hard time dating in my sobriety. I'm not sure what the deal is. I feel like when I was drinking, I could get guys to stick around pretty easily. Now it feels like a LOT more work. It could be that I no longer will put up with someone who treats me like garbage... or maybe that I'm more mentally stable after 2 1/2 years and I'm not easily manipulated like in the past.
The one thing I learned from it all, is that people will come and go in your life. YOU must be the constant. Make sure that you continue to follow whatever plan has been working to keep you sober. It sounds like it is working for you, and at the end of the day we must be happy with the choices we make, even if they aren't the choices we wish we had.
Good points. I used to just have casual sex & kind of fall into relationships without thinking too much about what kind of partner I really wanted & what my ideal relationship really looks like. And my last LTR was with another alcoholic so that was all kinds of bad news even though he was a good person. So, yeah, lots of thinking to do. ❤️
SO much thinking. I took a year and a half off dating/sex and it was a good idea... but now I feel like I'm fumbling through how to date. I would end up just sleeping around and I know that's not what I ultimately want out of a partner. I keep finding myself thinking "I never questioned my self worth when I was single, I was happy." So it makes me think I really shouldn't be dating anyone.
We all walk our own path in this journey, but it's good to know that I'm not the only one struggling with this type of situation. :/
For sure! I also took a year & a half off from dating/sex. I quit dating before I quit drinking, even. My hormones have gotten the better of me, tho. I quite enjoy being single for the most part, honestly, except for the lack of intimacy. I love this place because I know we're going through similar struggles even though it also sucks. Stay strong, sister!
Haha sounds like we have some very similar situations going on here 😂 you too!