How can I confront an alcoholic that is always drunk?
I've read that you're supposed to wait until the brief period that they're sober, but this guy is shamelessly drinking in the day.
Cliffnotes:
- friend asks for my help due to hard circumstances, we let him stay in our home
- does an awesome job recovering (finds a stellar job with benefits, makes money to pay for his own place)
- he was low key sneaking wine in. when I asked about it, he said it was to take the edge off before he sleeps. It was probably enabling of me. my logic was whatever, he's lucid during the day and doing good, we can deal with alcohol dependence later once he's back on his feet
- 3 days before he leaves, he starts going full alcoholic to the stage where he's day drinking. to the point where he's incoherent. you can actually smell it on him, he puts next to no effort to conceal it
- every morning he makes a trip to liquor store, telling some lie about going to the bank. he used the same lie two days in a row
- this is where my mom catches on. she has bad experience with alcoholics (her husband) so shes' not having any of it. we drop him off at his new place and let him fend for himself.
My concern now is that if he loses his job (he probably has) he's going to come back to me. He claims his family hates him and can't care less about his health. It's probably selfish of me but damn dude get your shit together, I have my own mental health to deal with.
What I'm hoping is to have a conversation with him about condition but talking to him while he's piss drunk is pointless since he seems to remember very little. He repeats conversations and I have to remind him of such.
Any advice?
Also in regards to talking to him, would be weird if I word it as sort of a condition? See a doctor and come up with a plan or don't call me. He was calling me today saying help and then when I answer he'd make retarded noises while mumbling gibberish. Then he'd forget what he said 3 minutes ago. Grrr just annoying thinking of this
Posted Apr 19, 2019, 3:16 AM UTC
When you dropped him off at his new place you did everything you have in your power. If he ever calls you remorseful the next day- and sober- consider telling him to call AA. Don't tell him he's an alcoholic, don't try to convince him not to drink, let him talk to the experts.
Is there a different strategy? This guy has a sense of superiority because of his accomplishments while keeping his habit low key. He'll see himself too good for AA.
"Dude it's fine, this is a part of my strategy. I've been doing this forever, I know what I'm doing. You know me, I bounce back." Then he'll bring up his accomplishments as if it justifies the future.
He sees himself above others, especially above people with alcohol related issues. (his point of view, not mine).
Not sure what to say/do in that scenario.
It's not your business. You don't have to say anything. Just look after yourself. What is in YOUR best interests in this situation?
> He'll see himself too good for AA.
You can't fix that. No amount of "confront" can. It's tough to hear but - there's nothing else you can really do. It's his time to change - or not.
He can't "come back" to you unless you let him in. That's the choice you have here - whether or not to let him.