failed_emo

This is making it difficult for me to sleep. I’m sorry I don’t know where else to post this.

So I was recording some friends with an action cam strapped on to me while skiing. the plan was I share the relevant sections when I get home. One of the people suggested I hand the camera to a friend who wanted to upload it to their social media.

So here’s the problem. I have Tourette’s which gets really bad when I’m alone. I didn’t stop recording until I was at the bottom of the hill. So there was a bunch of content of me saying really cringey stuff.

I’m bad at these situations where I say no. I didn’t want to trigger a discussion into my Tourette so I sort of went okay..: hoping they would fo

Most of my friends are chad-like who have had multiple relationships and one night stands. They're settling down now with GF, so I've been the 5th or 7th wheel a lot.

One of my friends however is probably more FA than I am, in that he has a lot of trouble in social interactions than I do.

I shamefully feel relief that I'll have this friend to hang out with in the foreseeable future, but at the same time I constantly tell myself the best thing that happens is that I'm the last FA standing.

Anyone experienced similar?

I can't even fantasize being with a girl anymore. If there is an interaction I'll find a way to intentionally mess it up. Or by using deduction (in the fantasy lol) I find out the girl wasn't into me. Or I come up with a reason to walk away.

Self-sabotage is the word I believe, and it's even in my fantasies.

Feelsbadman

I've read that you're supposed to wait until the brief period that they're sober, but this guy is shamelessly drinking in the day.

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Cliffnotes:

- friend asks for my help due to hard circumstances, we let him stay in our home

- does an awesome job recovering (finds a stellar job with benefits, makes money to pay for his own place)

- he was low key sneaking wine in. when I asked about it, he said it was to take the edge off before he sleeps. It was probably enabling of me. my logic was whatever, he's lucid during the day and doing good, we can deal with alcohol dependence later once he's back on his feet

- 3 days before he leaves, he starts going full alcoholic to the st

I'm talking about how I interact with the opposite sex. I'm also not entirely talking about anxiety (though it plays a role)

I've had interactions with women in group settings who enjoy hanging out with me. I've even a few interactions one on one. I've been labelled as funny or cool or both but never attractive.

I can be a fun guy to hang out with, just not a fun guy a girl wants to go to bed with. My banter is platonic humor; i just feel so uncomfortable flirting. I'm not a take-charge type of person or manipulative. Traits girls call "being a man, knowing what he wants". I've seen others do it and girls eat it up. If she says she is not feeling well and doesn't want to go elsewhere with

He's been shamelessly drinking at our place for the past half week until we got him to leave. He was a functional alcoholic for the time I've known him. But this time he was DRUNK during the day and just sloppy in general. I let it slide that he snuck in whine bottles since he claimed he wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise. These past few days he went full retard. Drinking during the day and not even hiding it from my mom. He says he has no family to go to so he ends up staying with us.

gist is

- called me to fly him back home since he felt his life was in danger

- we kept him here for 4 months. he was functional. got a really good job and just paid the down deposit for his place

Now

Like if your self-esteem is already low but you take it down to the next level.

Example: "she probably wouldn't go out with me" to "she definitely wouldn't"

It's a strategy that I've been using for a while but I think it's somewhat backfiring. At first there I noticed there is a sense of peace. Having the slight glimmer of hope "oh if i only fixed this" makes way for feeling like shit.

I'm sure I've made my problem worse in the case that I do intend to fix it any time later.

Sorry if I'm just rambling, my medication makes me feel drugged out and just choatic thoughts.

Do they do it to rub it in? Complaining about being in so much stress because they haven't been laid in a week. They know I have negligible experience with that stuff and still ask if I were in their shoes how I would deal with the gf related situation they're in. I just regurgitate things I've heard on TV/reddit and they're like wow so insightful thanks. I should probably stop doing that, maybe I'm enabling.

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I wonder if it's a high by complaining to people who don't have what they have, they kind of feel better about themselves compared to that FA? One of them was asking for input in dealing with 3 GFs simultaneously in different cities he travels to often. TFS DBZ had a quo

It sort of happened to me. I kept putting off my date and making excuses. So one day i decided to make a list of all of my excuses (need will, note, liquidate assets etc). Line by Line, I checked off the list. At the same time I came with strategies to ensure I felt as shitty as possible for when my survival instinct kicked in. I chose a location, made my excuse to be there and ensured i would be uninterpreted. Despite all this I failed to do it once I got there. I think it partly had to do with my bipolar meds starting to work.

So I came to accept that I will pussy out with CTB just like I do with everything else. Perhaps this self loathing caused me to not think about it so much. I stil