Source
r/entp•
SafeGuard52

Dealing with Break ups

Help Me

How do you deal with break ups, and the emotional aftermath?

Its odd because I'm not an emotional person and i'm feeling more emotions as a result of the this break up than when when I was together with my ex. So far I have been coping by going out with friends as often as I can and relentlessly hitting the gym. One thing I'm not quite sure about however is, am I suppose to sit through all those shitty emotions and eventually let them go though some means. Or perhaps is it possible to just kind of ignore those feelings and eventually they'll fade.

Personally I think this whole break up cuts deeper than I have let on. Honestly sometimes I just think emotions are the shittiest thing to deal with. I have been working for a long time in order to open myself up emotionally over time but its hard. I guess I'm just curious if there's any others who struggle dealing with these things, and if you have any advice or input on the situation. P.S. Im not a sociopath by any means..

Posted May 1, 2019, 8:51 PM UTC

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[deleted]•

I think it would depend on the relationship that you had with the person. It’s usually a bit different each time For example last time I broke up with someone I was actually relieved and felt like I had a fresh perspective This girl that I had liked acted like Jan from the office, an INFJ actually. I was happy to be finished. But for others it was a really hard time.

I usually simply spend a lot of time outside, Remember the quickest way to experience an emotion is through it.

6
SafeGuard52OP•

How do you suggest passing through emotions without getting caught up in them and potentially getting slumped down?

2
[deleted]•

My suggestion, would be to do some self work during this time, the current routine that I follow with this is one hour of outside time at a beach or park each day and some time spent meditating. Practice only thinking about what’s bothering you at those times, this way you are in part distracted by the scenery, and meditating can teach you to let those thoughts go

2
B__Rabbit•

Spent over 4.5 of my best years with someone. A year and a half later I still have emotions I cannot make sense of. Only solace I can offer you is that the emotions will subside and you'll learn you cannot make sense of them.

2
kauntanENTP•

You never truly ever fully recover. I know I haven't. But what you do get is the experience that will fuel you with the emotions and depth that your experience has given you.

2
AzukiSamaJe pense donc Je suis•

get obsessed with work or some other things.

2
rs_alliENTP 24F 8w7•

Usually just focus on myself and look for distractions. I’ll start doing the things I care about more and hanging out with my friends. I don’t drink much when I’m dating someone, so usually when I’m single I drink a bit more. Travel, enjoy music, read a book, whatever will keep my mind occupied. If I can stay busy through the beginning parts usually I have no issues. Once I reach a point of no pain and no hard feelings I’ll start self reflecting and working on improving any issues that I had in the relationship so my next one is better.

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AyiannaENTP | Dragon | (you were warned)•

As I am perpetually the person being left, not doing the leaving, I psychoanalyze the entirety of the relationship, what the other person was doing, what I was doing, and what I was trying to get out of the relationship. As I have grown older, I've learned the lesson that a romantic partner is not there to fulfill needs that I have left over from childhood. As a result, in recent years I've been doing a lot of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and really getting into the root cause of my personal issues so that I am no longer seeking to have those needs met by others.

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I also try to deconstruct my idea of an ideal partner altogether and seek some more basic traits - not things that they will do for me, allow me to feel, etc. So these days, I've identified what's important to me as including such traits as openmindedness, acceptance of others (me!) as they (I!) am, appreciation of others (again me, dude), desire to spend time together, and the commitment needed to work things out if something comes up - almost always it's my own issues or the other person's, not actual issues we have with one another, but that's still relationship-killing if you aren't committed to one another.

It's easier to get over that last person when you have a clearer idea of what your wants and needs are socially, romantically, and sexually and then identify how that person was not close enough to a match for that to make it work.

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