Source
r/ExNoContact•
Communizer

You're too late

Since we broke up, all I've wanted is to see your number pop back up on my phone, and for you to make it obvious that you miss us and that you want to meet up to talk about things. You texted me a few times, sending obvious feelers and bullshit "closure" texts that, at first gave me some hope, but that I ultimately decided weren't even worth responding to. I blocked you on all social media quickly after, and have been hitting the gym, working on my career, and spending time with loved ones even more than before. I even had a date lined up for next week, I was finally feeling good about the idea that you were no longer going to be a part of my life.

But then the 5th came around, my birthday, and I so badly wanted you to call. All day I was miserable, and I kept getting this plague of intrusive thoughts forcing me to relive how great it was last year, when I spent it with only you, on the beach camping and drinking and loving each other. I remember you literally cried towards the end of the night because it was so perfect. The stars were perfect and it was just you and I out there. Its always been one of my most cherished memories.

But you never called...I wanted so badly to tell you that I wanted to spend it with you again, yet I didn't even get a simple "happy birthday" from you until 10pm the next day. I spent the last few hours of my birthday crying on the phone with my mother, as a newly 24 year old man, because I just couldn't shake the thought of feeling so alone without you next to me.

Then today it finally happened. You texted me..."can we see each other please, I miss you" and I didn't feel a thing. The one thing in the world I thought I wanted was to see that text, yet now I just feel so fucking numb towards you. I still love you, and I want to feel that rush of good feelings while we cuddle and kiss and say our cute things to each other again, but now when I think about seeing you, I just envision you breaking my heart, and I'm not ready to give you power over my emotions and mental state again. I don't trust you yet and I don't think I ever will again.

I agreed to meet up with you after you made it clear you missed us.. But I honestly don't think I want to take you back anymore. I don't want to live in the anxiety and fear that this will happen again and I'll have to get over you and go through this shit all over again.

You're a day too late, and I really don't think I'll be coming back.

Edit: Wow I didn't even really think anyone would read this, but thank you so much for the supportive responses and reddit gold! It makes me feel a lot better that people can relate to this. It makes me feel less alone.

I also decided, based on a lot of the responses here, to call off the meeting. She doesn't deserve a second chance and I'm better off without her. Thank you guys for helping me realize that.

Posted May 7, 2019, 9:36 AM UTC · edited

15419
[deleted]•

do. fucking. not. keep interacting with her bro. She WILL weasel her way back in and cause the same pain again.

34
AnimoEsto•

This - this is what my ex did and it hurt far more the second time around

13
PuzzleheadedPumpkin8•

Wow... this broke my heart.

Happy belated birthday - wishing you everything of the best for your 24th year. sending you all the strength you need to get through this tough time!

31
moonie987•

Happy birthday!

Also, from personal experience. I don’t think it’s a good idea to meet up or talk. I did this and it resulted in the same thing. I was scared he’d hurt me again and he did that very same thing. After promising and telling me everything I wanted to hear, he left for the same exact reasons.

Leave this business unfinished. Walk away. Be better than I was. Here I am now, heat broken all over again. Back to square one. When I was 4 months sober. Respect your healing process. I wish I did.

17
Frozen130427•

Happy birthday!

Reading this made me cry. I relate to every word you wrote. I know it won't ease your pain to know that there is someone who feels exactly like you're feeling right now, that you're not alone.

For what it's worth, I think the best thing you can do is ghost her and never meet up. Why did she wait until it was your birthday to "miss you" and "want to see u"? Why not when u were crushed crying and she probably having fun with friends? Why is it she gets to see YOU when she wants yet u couldn't see her when u most needed to...

I'm sorry I'm too harsh but she doesn't deserve to ever see or hear your voice again it she made u go through all this pain.

8
maxwelly2k•

Your diffently not alone that's my same story. And yes I want to make that call so bad but I just don't even know she was the most amazing person. All bad

1
westcoastgirl18•

Damn " I dont want to live in the anxiety and fear that this will happen again and I'll have to get over you and go through this shit all over again"

​

I felt that!!! Stay strong, truly admire you.

6
throwaway25251179•

I wish my ex would text that she misses me.

5
thinksotoo•

oh, me too. but no one ever misses me. that's the story of my life, i should have learned it by now.

2
throwaway25251179•

I'm kinda like you... Just once it would be nice if someone said "I know I left you, but it turned out being the worst decision ever and all I need is to be with you again."

3
CommunizerOP•

I thought the same thing, but it's good for you to learn your own worth and value. Love yourself my dude, a girl missing you doesn't make you any more or less desirable or worthy of love.

Plus, you think it's what you want because you don't have it now, but then when it happens you realize it's not really what you wanted at all, it's just what you were projecting your desires onto.

1
liminoid_lion•

Those nights of wonder that couples have together really are the cream of life. My ex and I used to wander around the coastal island that I used to live on all night smoking weed and loving each other. We would hike, smoke, talk, share music, and fuck. Irreplaceable memories. Another memory that is along the same lines is how sexy and provocative she would dress. I LOVED it. She would dress up as a schoolgirl or such and then we would go to dinner. Or she would wear a straight up thong to a public beach. It was awesome. We were right to break up though.

2
systemadvisory•

I wish my ex put the same effort into being sexy yours did. Well there is always more fish in the sea they say...

2
liminoid_lion•

True. And as awesome as her desire to dress sexy was, it was not enough to hold a relationship together. I do miss that aspect of her, and a few other aspects, and I realize are the chances of me finding another smoking hot girl who is willing to dress like that are very slim.

1
systemadvisory•

Thats the real bummer isn't it. This is the kind of thing that happens around like 22 and I'm in my 30's now, and unless I'm planning on dating down this kind of thing is only going to happen behind closed doors from now on. Still I also have my memories of some sexy times... There's a lot to see in life and this is just a single facet of it.

Also, there's strippers and raves if you ever just want to see some ass :P

1
brother_meowzone•

Yeah, I feel similarly. When she didn t call me on Christmas I felt sick. When she didn t call me on my birthday, or answer when I called on hers...wasn't As bad but still sucked.

On one hand I really want to talk to her, I miss my old best friend. On the other hand, all I really want to do when talking to her is to get her to answer for WHY the fuck she treated me so badly and where the FUCK does she get off cutting off contact after everything we've been through. And, if she asked to get back together....I'd be absolutely livid that she would have the balls to ask considering everything she out me through; while also wanting to take the offer more powerfully than I've felt any feeling.

2
dblch33seburg3r•

I relate so much to this

1
SOLE-SURVIVOR-•

I've been lurking reddit for years now. This is the first time that i was compelled to sign up after reading your post. Your post hit close to home. Back story:

Dated the love of my life for 4.5+ years. Shes (24) I'm (31). in 2017 we got engaged, life was awesome. Then October 2018 she hands me a letter, basically saying she's having second thoughts, and not sure if it'll work out in the longer term due to our cultural differences (we're a bi-racial couple). I pleaded, I begged, I cried. I even enrolled us in couple counseling for $160/session. That went on from Dec 2018-Mar2019 (last session). I did everything the Councillor suggested and put in 110% into resolving things. But i could see that her attraction for me was dwindling, she was no longer the same affectionate, loving, caring person. It was so frustrating to watch the love of your life turn into a stranger and there is nothing you are able to do about it. Her actions were becoming suspicious (she started to become really weird with her phone) so one day I opened it and went through it. My worse nightmare came true, she was cheating on me. I confronted her and she admitted to it. Turns out the guy shes cheating on me with is in his 40s, married with children (so he's cheating on his wife as well) and is actually her supervisor at work. To say i was devastated would be an understatement. To make it worse, the affair had been going on the whole time we were doing couple counselling! $1200 down the shitter. Anyways, I still loved her, i actually hoped this could be a positive turning point for us. I told her i forgive you for the cheating, but please now lets actually try to fix things. To my dismay she says "I'll stop the lying and the cheating, but I'm still confused about us so i don't know if i can try". At this point i was done. This is when i came across all the relationship coaches and the No Contact Rule. I wish i came across it much much sooner. Anyways I have been in official NO CONTACT since April 11th 2019. We still have each other on FB, she will sometimes like funny videos I'll share on there (though she hasnt done that now in almost 2 weeks) We still have each other on IG, I have stopped watching her stories or liking her pictures. She still watches my stories. In the short amount of time I've implemented NC, I am going HARD at working on myself. As this is an essential part of NC. Things I have started/done to date:

1- Enrolled in my CPA classes

2- Started a Youtube channel

3- Enrolled in Kickboxing

4- Got my M2 motorcycle license (buying a bike this weekend hopefully)

5- Downloaded Audible and listen to 1 non fiction self help book a month (just finished Sublt art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson)

​

Her birthday is coming up next week. I have made a promise to myself NOT TO wish her at all, not on facebook, not via text or email. I think a part of her is probably hoping/expecting that I will wish her. But i won't, and she does not deserve it. Hopefully it will trigger her to remember last year's birthday when I took her to Niagara falls, and we spent the weekend at the Falls view Hilton. Anyways needless to say, I still love her, and I do want her back I know I probably sound like a loser saying this after everything I've described above but after 20+ days in NC I still do want her back. I am hoping that I will get the "I miss you can we talk text" where, she will apologize, say what a huge mistake she made, and how much she missed us. What an amazing closure that would be? At that point I will decide based on what and how she says if I want to give her a second chance. For now, holding to NC strong, and hoping she'll reach out soon.

1
Bunwich30•

are you a virgo?

-3