Source
r/addiction•
Necturion

I NEED FUCKING HELP (+a question in my own interest)

I need help. My alcohol consumption is getting out of hand and I am concerned that my health suffers from it. It's gotten so Bad that it feels weird to go into a supermarket and don't buy a few cans of beer. It's gotten so bad that I drink at school and If I have alcohol at home I drink in the morning to make this Life enjoyable. Life is just dull and boring. 98% of people bore me, are uninteresting and I don't want to live in a world like that to be honest. When I am drunk I feel a little different. I still know I can't make my dreams a reality but I also don't care so much. All trauma can't hurt me. To be honest.i don't even act too different, Just Not depressed. Most people can't Tell I am drunk even after some shots of vodka of several cans of beer at school. I do better in school drunk because I am not scared of saying something wrong or ask a question in class. I am a shit being basically.

Also, I am 20 now and had my First drug ecperiences when I was 16. I remember I felt super fucking happy being stoned and drunk that night. Like my childhood was back again and I hadn't to deal with all of this growing up bullshit becoming a slave. I wonder if some people also feel a little more like a child when they do drugs or alcohol? I really hate this world and don't know what to do change it. I hate what I do, I don't have realistic Dreams, might as well die.

Posted May 11, 2019, 12:24 PM UTC

919
ExecutoneDooDah•

I am sorry for what you are going through, I hope I can offer something useful.

Addiction, is an unhealthy attachment combined with obsession. In most cases, the obsession is a direct result of Avoidance. We not only fear being without an escape, we fear facing ourselves in the silence, where the voice of our Ego makes us feel Shame. The honest trick to this, is heal the shame. How we heal the shame, is working the 12 Steps of recovery and getting to meetings. We need to talk about it, confess and surrender... understand that we are powerless but there is Something, that can guide us back to health.

I have written a recovery guide, it is free and you are welcome to download a copy at any time:

https://about.me/jeffrounds

5
foregonemeat•

Get yourself to a 12 step meeting brother. You will find a new life is available where you can be happy without needing alcohol or drugs. NA or AA. Good luck.

2
NecturionOP•

What is a 12 step Meeting, NA and AA?

1
foregonemeat•

Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous. Google it, there are meetings every day all over the world - and online meetings if you can’t get to a physical meeting. Find a sponsor, work the steps, share honestly. Good luck.

1
sundance514•

I feel like this post came right from my mind. I chose hard drugs and weed instead because I can’t drink but I do it for the same carefree childlike feeling and to escape life’s (and my own) shit. You aren’t alone. Life is fucking terrifying. I fantasize about dying almost daily.

I hear hobbies and exercise help or if you have access to therapy. I also found telling people close to me that I’m having issues with drugs helps hold me accountable. Best of luck to you.

1
NecturionOP•

I have a shitton of Problems and I love learning, but that is the problem. I am trapped 10 hours a day doing shit I could not care less about, every morning the first thought is 'fuck, woke up once again' even on weekends and when the day I spent was actually good. I 'act out' in a humorous way to cope. It's weird that the saddest people can make most people laugh

1
NecturionOP•

I have a shitton of Problems and I love learning, but that is the problem. I am trapped 10 hours a day doing shit I could not care less about, every morning the first thought is 'fuck, woke up once again' even on weekends and when the day I spent was actually good. I 'act out' in a humorous way to cope. It's weird that the saddest people can make most people laugh

1
insanemovieguy•

I can only speak the truth I know. This: you will never be able to get back the time you are using. So, if you expect to ever get on the other side of this, you will be older and never able to get back your faded times. Think about it.

1
NecturionOP•

Well. The faded times are not that Bad. I just miss being a child and do wtf I want and not spend the day doing shit I don't care about

1
insanemovieguy•

If you don't grow into an adult, then you just need to learn to fake the motions until the groove feels manageable. Adjustment takes time, but if you don't grow and adapt, then you will continue to be a child. Most people like this are called developmentally disabled.

Doing stuff you don't care about isn't as bad as you make it seem. You might HATE the doctor, yet become aware of a preventable illness.

You can hate cleaning the house, but you get exercise and find those lost Bluetooth earbuds.

You can hate reunions, but make memories before a loved one passes.

You got to try and see the benefits possible in doing the things your mind causes you to dread.

You gotta deal with those feelings and get them to submit control over your life.

Good luck and don't forget to breathe.

1
trustinjesus77•

The more you drink the more bitter and illogical you will become. You said you don't want to be a slave, but you are a slave to alcohol. It has taken control and will continue to bring you down. Stop now or you'll regret it at 40. If you make it that far! https://youtu.be/l0q-tvC1W3s

1
NecturionOP•

Shut up

1
Mcstoni•

Check out r/stopdrinking

1
NecturionOP•

Forgot about that. Thanks.

1
Mcstoni•

You're welcome.

1
Memesarekeeng89•

Praying for you my friend. I hope you feel better and recover soon. I hope all goes well for you on your journey. I wish you the very best of luck. Feel free to pm me if you ever need someone to talk to. God bless you my friend. God loves you.

1
NecturionOP•

Fuck your prayers and fuck your god

1
Icloh•

I work in a rehab that is located in an Asian country. We provide empirical based treatment for Asian prices. Feel free to PM me if you are interested in inpatient treatment.

All the best.

0
Dochangeit•

Please my friend read the book 12rules for life by jordan peterson. It was amazing for me and changed the way I view life. You know the route you are on won't really help you. Stop this routine while you still can. Running away in active addiction is never a solution. Thanks for reaching out!

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