Source
r/london•
WCSecret

Does anyone else spend their weekends alone?

Discussion

Apologies, bit of a downbeat post here. Basically, does anyone else not do any socialising over the weekend?

Since being out of a long term relationship my weekends have become really quite mundane. I do have work friends and we occasionally go for work drinks and it’s fun, but there’s very few people in London who I would see at the weekend.

I do my own thing and it is quite enjoyable. Generally a bit of gaming, exercise, netflix, various chores, eating nice food, and so on. However at some point in the weekend, usually when I’ve been out and seen lots of people out with their friends / family / partner, I get a weird feeling of loneliness even though I’m naturally quite an introvert. Also at the moment I would say in general I’m in a good place, but this weekend thing keeps coming up to bum me out.

I just wonder if there’s many other people in London who have a weekend lifestyle like this, and if it bothers them or not?

Posted May 11, 2019, 6:14 PM UTC

5760
smoothedoutslappy•

I feel exactly like this - and the guilt associated with not 'making the most' of your weekends' is often crippling.

42
lupo25•

Quoted

1
haywireCrystal Palace•

Christ I do envy you lot for being well rested, not down £120+ and probably without a trashed house.

1
rkb16•

I know the feeling, I stayed inside all day binge watching documentaries and ordering takeaway. I’ve enjoyed my day but do feel guilty for not leaving the house, like I’m wasting my life. I suppose though, that days like this are important for us introverts to recharge and reset, we need a bit more self care and alone time than others and that’s ok.

24
SuzyJTH•

I pay a significant chunk of my salary for this flat, you bet I'm going to stay in and get my money's worth!

15
WCSecretOP•

I really like this comment. Perhaps I’m not finding the right balance of alone time or not accepting that it’s ok to do that.

The analogy for intro/extrovert of social interactions either taking / giving energy to a person (rough idea) made so much sense to me when I first heard it. After a lot of socialising I find myself craving alone time, even if I was having a blast.

7
chaza866•

I'm massively introverted and enjoy doing nothing most of the time. If it gets you down though, you've just gotta do your best to sort some plans. Maybe go to a bar and hopefully meet new people. Or just arrange something with your mates and kick start some plans.

15
WCSecretOP•

I guess the issue is if I prefer to just do my own thing over the weekend but then feel guilt / sadness about that choice.

10
AlfSlytherin•

I absolutely get you. I’m the same. I do nothing on weekends as I’m introverted and, quite honestly, I have no energy. While the idea of doing nothing on weekends sounds like wonderland during weekdays, once the weekend comes I feel... anxious, alone, depressed. When I have plans on weekends I NEVER look forward to them, but once they come around I actually enjoy them. Weird how my mind doesn’t learn to look forward to this social enjoyment.

17
jakcs•

Find the right balance. I’m the same and often need just a short walk around the nearby park or run an errand which takes you outside and that balances it out. Doing nothing needs to be more acceptable - it’s a chance for you to reset and relax.

3
crystalspine•

Oh yes. Every weekend. I grew up here but all of my school friends moved away.

Sometimes I do enjoy playing video games/watching stuff by myself, but it's really been affecting my mental health recently. Being alone all the time isn't good for me. I've gone to a lot of meetups but I find it hard to make friends from those events? You chat to people there, you go away, come to the next event, and it's all new people. So you have to introduce yourself anew all over again without making lasting friends and it gets exhausting.

15
tammyLSC•

The same thing happened to me with friends going away for uni. Going to meetups and stuff can definitely get exhausting. I've made a few friends by becoming a regular at events, but it does take effort. It's the only thing I can recommend though, because it's the only thing that's worked for me. Now that I've made a few friends I've stopped going to meetups as regularly and have just been meeting up with those particular people.

3
WCSecretOP•

For me moving to London meant moving away from my close school friends, and I’ve never really been able to make new friendships that have come close. Being alone all the time isn’t good for anyone, if you have a job, education, sports club etc to attend regularly you have to make the most of the social opportunities there.

2
dameunbesoporfavor•

This is the big problem with Meetup in London. So many groups just end up with endless one-off participants, or people who don't go regularly, so you can't build up any kind of connection. I've lived abroad loads and always found it easy to meet people through Meetup and groups and things like that, because you'd see the same faces over and over. I don't particularly want to just pass time with people, I want to get to know them and become friends, and the time invested feels wasted if you never see them ever again. Not sure how to solve this.

2
pootney•

After my divorce years ago, I moved to London and flatshared, in Putney. In my mid/late 30s. I was the same, but felt great tbh, after the previous 6-7yrs ;)

Got a bike, and toured all of London on it. When not working during the week. Netflix, prime music, random pubs. Out with slightly younger colleagues not married. And upgraded the DSLR and went papping too. Eventually Tindered up and am married again, and on the outskirts of Zone 6 again surrounded by countryside. Swings and roundabouts. Enjoy it.

8
WCSecretOP•

Sounds like you’ve had some great experiences you might not have had without the divorce. Swings and roundabouts is true, sometimes you don’t even know if you’re at a high or low point until it’s in the past.

4
pootney•

Yep. Went from a passive aggressive ex, who never gave an inch or allowed anything of mine. To flatsharing with two 28/30yr old women (I'm a fella, who was then 36-38). Who were out mostly (but left a dirty dishes out a bit too long and expected me to clean their sh*t up too often, ha). Before I moved I sold/gave everything away except my DSLRs, TV, and tools. And started again.

Was great while I went nuts on tinder, pof and others too, as my new social life. Tho never ghosted or treated anyone like so many do on it.

Reckon I could out black cab London on a bike or office car, by sight (not recalling road name tho) I've covered so much of it.

2
KGJ6891•

Lush!

1
thisiskosman•

Pretty much me every weekend for the past few years.

Dont really think about it anymore.

Being able to travel helps.

6
Sibs_•

This has been my life ever since I left university. When I leave work on a Friday, more often than not it's the last time i'll have any human contact until i'm back in the office on Monday.

It does bother me sometimes but at this point I think i've just got used to it. I've always been introverted and even when I had an active social life, I was never one to suggest "lets go do X".

The main thing that gets me down is when all my colleagues are talking about their weekends on a Monday and i've never got anything to add to the conversation.

6
GoalieGal•

I do, although I don’t like it. Newish to the city and haven’t found any people to hang with yet :(

5
tammyLSC•

Check out r/LondonSocialClub if you want to hang out with people in the evenings. You may or may not make actual friends, but you'll definitely have some nice people to talk to for an evening. Or you can do some things you enjoy, like dance classes, sports clubs, cooking classes, photography etc. You're bound to meet people.

1
GoalieGal•

I have, all the meetups are so far away. I do sports, currently boulder, occasional football and ice hockey, but nothing has come of that yet. People at work barely go out after or at lunch too, it blows. I’ve messaged people on here but I’ve had 3 just ghost me, and I only asked them if they’re interested in meeting up, which they were, and then when they were available. No response.

It’s not for a lack of trying, but I guess I just have to try harder or wait it out.

1
tammyLSC•

Which part of London are you in? It might be worth doing an interest check and posting your own event. There might be other people in your area in the same situation. There's a Friday event which is usually central. The bi-monthly r/London event at the Porterhouse in Covent Garden is great too.

I get you. People on here tend not to be very reliable tbh. I've organised meetups where I've had 15 people say they'll come and then none turn up, and others where 2 people have said they'll come and 30 show up.

If you're up for bouldering some time, I'd be interested. I want to get back into it but I'm struggling to find people to go with.

1
GoalieGal•

I’m in N8. There actually was an interest check and I said I would be in but nothing ever came of it unfortunately. I didn’t know about the Porterhouse event though, I’d totally be up for that!

Any chance you Boulder at The Castle? I just started out and am a bit weak but love going

1
luala•

It takes a while to get a group of friends in London you actually want to spend time with! When I was first here i did stuff like walking with Met Walkers (day walks in a sociable group) and volunteer work to meet people. I’ve also done some cycling groups, Parkrun, dragon boat rowing and stuff like that. Ignore other posters telling you to go to bars on your own, that just makes you feel lonely. It doesn’t have to be a big effort, just do stuff you enjoy and some of it might bring you into contact with people. How about a day course in something creative - you kind of work on your own thing but not in isolation. You don’t need to become a huge extrovert just to come into contact with people and be taken outside the chores/gym routine a little.

5
CainIsNotShit•

Same as you

Got out of a long term relationship about half a year ago. Since then my weekend has been Netflix, naps, games, and some discord servers for some social interactions.

I've been thinking of changing my gym schedules so that my weekends get slightly productive.

I do feel a bit lonely at times but I think what I need to do is focus on myself. I need to read more, code more, improve myself more. I think i owe it to myself

4
tammyLSC•

I do feel a bit lonely at times but I think what I need to do is focus on myself. I need to read more, code more, improve myself more. I think i owe it to myself

I feel exactly the same way

2
hxn594•

Hey! I totally relate.

I think I’ve become more introverted as I’ve gotten a bit older and with being at work all week, weekend is the perfect time to reset and recharge away from everyone else. I do have friends in London but I frequently turn down plans just so I can chill on my own either at home, out on my bike or exploring somewhere new. I live with my partner so I obviously hang out with him a lot but I also really treasure time spent alone and it really helps me to unwind. It also feels like there just isn’t enough time at the weekend for everything, like fun, sleep, life admin, laundry etc and I swear I need a day just to get the mundane stuff done! So that only really leaves Saturday left and I want to be selfish and fill those precious hours with something that I genuinely want to do without compromise.

Whilst I do have good friends scattered around London I do sometimes wish I had a crew directly in my neighbourhood. I think sometimes I mistake social exhaustion with actual exhaustion from still getting used to how damn long it takes to get anywhere in this city and that if I had friends super close, I would probably be a lot more social.

But at the same time, I am comfortable with the fact I like to do things on my own and I like the confidence and independence it gives me.

I guess it’s about finding a balance that works best for you and not feeling bad about that. It took me a long while to figure out that it was actually ok to just do what I wanted and when I did it was such a breath of fresh air. I sometimes feel a bit ‘boring’ as a stereotype but I don’t care as long as I’m having fun on my own terms :)

4
WCSecretOP•

Thanks for chipping in! It’s great you have a partner at home, when I’ve had that situation in the past I didn’t tend to get the ‘lonely weekend’ feeling.

I definitely agree on using the weekend to recharge after work, and I’m also guilty of dodging plans with friends. London is quite easy to travel around but yes it can take forever considering how spread out people are.

2
R1618•

Yeah, find work/being around people 5 days a week socially and a little mentally exhausting. I do stuff on my own a lot, it gets to me at times, especially since I never have anything to say about my weekends but i've gotten used to it over the years.

3
abaddon2025•

Tinder up mate

3
WCSecretOP•

Completed it mate.

Tinder is brilliant for setting up dates and going to fun places in London, but at the minute I’ve such low interest in relationships/hookups it’d just feel disingenuous.

4
ConfusedSamSepiol•

....so I can feel unwanted again

1
dplayer00•

Did you ever try cycling alone? I do it every weekend and it’s a good way to recharge after working for the whole week.

I like to be by myself but at the same time I hate the idea of spending the whole weekend at home. I found that lonely cycling is a good compromise, and the eventual “good morning” from other cycles fulfils my social interaction needs. 😊

3
noradrenaline•

OP, do you run at all? Lots of parkruns have a good community around them of people who go for coffee afterwards. If you'd be interested in joining a club or training for a race with some people, it could be a way to find people to do long runs on Sundays with, for instance.

3
WCSecretOP•

I keep in shape through weight training 4/5 times a week, but I avoid cardio like the plague (probably as a result of my asthmatic childhood).

If there was a social group for weight training in the same way it would be great but I haven’t really seen that, except for maybe spotting with a friend in the gym. I may turn to running groups at some point as they do seem a good way of having social time at weekends without drinking.

1
weedexperts•

If there was a social group for weight training

It's called Crossfit but you have to forget anything you've learned in the gym as far as weight training goes. The kind of shit they get up to is kinda insane but lots of people seem to love it.

2
WCSecretOP•

Good point, Crossfit probably does fit into that category. I’m more of a traditional compounds + accessories routine guy, and yeah Crossfit stuff is a bit of a departure from that. Also I remember checking gym prices and there was an absurdly expensive ‘Crossfit gym’ near me.

1
KGJ6891•

My job means I work with and talk to people literally all week. I love spending time by myself although wouldn’t travel alone to be honest.

There are some really comforting comments here, really enjoyed this.

3
WCSecretOP•

Yeah there’s some great comments here! I’m happy if it can help others reading who might have similar feelings.

My work is also quite heavy on the social aspect. By the time Friday evening comes I’m exhausted and can’t wait to only deal with myself for a day or two.

1
Peabob•

I went through a time feeling like this. Also an introvert. I find dedicating time to do things I really wanted to do for myself really helped. I love getting the train out of London to go walking for a day for instance (loads of country walks within an hour of London). Some times I just find a book I'm into and go to the pub on my own for a drink and some time. It's weird how even if you're feeling lonely, making plans with yourself and getting outside helps loads. Try not to stay at home every weekend wallowing. I look forwards to my me days even if I don't see anyone

3
dentbox•

Yeah, London can be a lonely city. Even if you have friends here, the size of the place can easily make for 2hr round trips to see them. And it’s hard to be spontaneous. People are busy.

The best fix for me is to make plans that get me out of London at least half the weekends every month. Ideally involving my friends, but alone if need be. Hiking a national trail can be a good project to nibble at alone or with pals. Getting into climbing has also been a godsend — great sport, great way to meet people, and ample opportunities after work in London, long weekends away in the UK, or even holidays abroad.

If being alone in London bothers you, maybe try something new that gets you excited and out of the flat/city: trail running, kayaking, metal detectoring, fishing, bikepacking, fossil hunting, microadventuring, photography, scrambling, geocaching. If you get into it, you’ll want to have free weekends so you can do it. You’ll make new friends, have something to tell your colleagues on Monday, and maybe have them asking you to take them out the next time.

Good luck, OP

3
ActionJacx•

Having read your follow-on comments I’m not sure if you’re happy spending the weekends chilling and just have societal guilt, or whether you’re actually not happy about it?

I’m an introvert and some weekends I take glee in doing nothing at all. I need it sometimes and feel very happy/satisfied on Monday saying I did f’all to my coworkers.

Other weekends I need less of a recharge and do feel like I’ve wasted them. It’s something I want to get better at - spotting recharge weekends from lazy ones, and doing something on lazy ones.

There’s tons of great advice in other comments (that I’ll take onboard too), but if you’re happy being in on the weekends then embrace it. Your work colleagues will respect that more than any approval seeking. But if you’re not fulfilled by quiet weekends then something needs to change. Only you can judge that. Best of luck.

3
WCSecretOP•

Great comment. I’d be lying if I said I knew the answer to whether I genuinely don’t want to be alone or I just want to deal with the ‘societal guilt’ as you put it. I should probably do some thinking around that.

Other weekends I need less of a recharge and do feel like I’ve wasted them. It’s something I want to get better at - spotting recharge weekends from lazy ones, and doing something on lazy ones.

I like the idea of spotting weekends where I’ll need the time off and the ones where I should be more active. Or maybe I need some active/social things I can do at short notice if Sat/Sun comes and I’m not enjoying alone time.

Sure it’s nice to have an interesting personal story on Monday for coworkers but that’s not a big concern for me. There’s always something to talk about. I’d just like to get the most enjoyment out of the weekends however they’re spent.

1
Puddleduck97•

I often do, but I work a funny shift pattern that sometimes means my weekend is in the middle of the Mon-Fri working week, when even if I wanted to do stuff with friends, they're always busy.

Introverts get lonely too.

3