smoke buddies

I like this; I can feel the hazed-over desire lurking. "Or a smile" is so perfect, because, to me, it almost conveys the feeling, "why couldn't you smile at me, anything to confirm my feelings even though I know you don't feel the same." But, you did it with three words :) well done.

I'm a huge fan of this poem. A very interesting take on the running metaphorical theme of being addicted to someone just like an every day smoking addiction, simple imagery yet so effective! Nothing wrong with this poem for me, would love to see more of your work!

I like this. I appreciate the brevity and the spacing. You breathed in a sense of sexual/romantic tension quite early. Criticism is tough here – partially because I am new to the forum but also partially because you have ambiguities in your poem that could lead a reader to have a different understanding on the 2nd or 3rd run-through.

My initial thought was that you both shouldn’t be “panting” because it was only you who was feeling this tension. But there isn’t really any evidence to say that smoke buddy wasn’t longing for you as well. Everything was 50-50. Everything that I took during the first read for evidence that the smoke buddy wasn’t into you, revealed itself to be totally ambiguous. Smoke buddy isn’t holding your hand, rising words, or beckon you closer. But you aren’t doing those things either. Smoke buddy could have literally wrote this poem from their perspective. Is smoke buddy also “panting” because smoke buddy shares these feelings for you? That would be interesting. Is smoke buddy “panting” because it’s a slick way to connect the idea of breathing drugs in-and-out with the sexual tension in the room? That is sloppy (assuming smoke buddy is really uninterested). Real quick – I also thought calling you both “addicted” was probably not a perfect word choice. It seems a big dramatic. A poem about drug addiction feels like a much lonelier place. But that’s kind-of based on the assumption that the whole poem is about smoking pot. If you and smoke buddy were smoking crystal then that would certainly make things more addiction-related. It would also be another explanation for the “panting”. What is being smoked is another ambiguity here. Was it intentional? I don’t care TBH (although you should care).

The depths of ambiguity is what makes poetry so much fun to read and write. I started this comment as a response to a rather juvenile, straight-forward retelling of a past experience. I am ending this comment as a response to something that could be quite subtle, premeditated, and complete. I guess I’ll finish with a confession that, at the end of all this, I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.

Reminds me of my wife and I. Fantastically written, nice flow! Seems like a snapshot from a contemplative Hobo Johnson song- I dunno why, it might just be the cadence and the flow.

You do a great job of painting the scene- I’m not sure of your actual intention with the mood but I find this more melancholic than hopeful. It could be the setting and the act of smoking itself (ie you’re together just because you’re smoke buddies) combined with that last line of longing, but regardless it makes me empathize :) I agree heavily with what the other person said about creating that hazy atmosphere. Very nice, calm poem

This takes me back. You did an awesome job of setting up the scene. Great imagery and I like the flow. Feels hazy and laid back but wanting.

I love the opening line where you describe talking to your significant other and comparing it to exhaling smoke after you took a hit. It paints the picture that it's hard to talk to said person or your words don't effect them much. I like how you compared being addicted to smoking to being addicted to a person because both are unhealthy but people keep going back due to the addiction! Well done on the comparisons! Keep posting!!

I enjoyed this poem a lot. I liked that this almost seemed a little one sided but not in an unfair way. It could be a cute little love story. I particularly liked the line "a lighter between us and no hand holding". Definitely sets the scene between the two very well. Good job.

Very cool. I dig it.

In the first three lines there is action , need and desire; enough imagery to arouse a curiosity with much left unsaid to ignite a desire to know more.

The next few lines increase the intensity, the suggestive nature puts a flame to the curiosity pushing it toward a lust to know more.

Midway you've painted a good picture and left room for the reader to engage, imagining what lies in the shadows of what you've brought to light .

Returning to the "when I" element of the first sentence struck a familiar chord, felt like home with different images.

An ending with these two confessions seems fitting as both tend to leave us wandering in that direction.

You bring the reader into the room and without a lot of verse manage to describe the setting and characters quite well. So well in fact my mouth is dry and I feel compelled to peek through the blinds.

As someone in recovery from much harder substances, those last three lines hit me a little hard. I can remember forming so many relationships at first solely over our mutual interest of a certain drug... And then I'd always develop this weird infatuation with someone, always someone using my drug of choice, and be crushed when they didn't return my affection. Which of course led me to hold on so hard to getting high with them, in hopes that for just one moment, in the haze of the high, they'd feel the same...

Anyways I really love the way you conveyed that, thank you for the beautiful piece!

I think some metaphors could really accentuate the lines about distance on the bed. It seems like the perfect point to get a tad ambiguous. Perhaps something along the lines of "watching eachother like the pixels of a Netflix series"

Capitalizing "You" is an interesting choice. I wonder, does this have some religious connotations? I think the comparison to drug addiction is apt. Love can indeed be like that, for better or for worse. It's got all the same highs and lows, and even withdrawal. The imagery is great here but I think you should expand on it a little to give us a better picture of your intended setting.

Good work

I think this is somewhat quiet and sad, yet relaxing to read.

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One thing is absolute when posting a poem on this subreddit. If it has anything to do with cigarette smoking, it is a win. Tells you something about the outspoken audience here. This isn't a bad poem. I just wanted to throw that out there.

Just wanted to say, this is the second poem of yours that I’m reading this morning and I’m now a fan.

Wow. This captures so well the juxtaposition between a human connection that we might automatically assume is a negative, yet instead you reveal layers to what this relationship is in full, that a lot of people might miss if simply giving it a cursory glance.

It is amazing how you have told such a complex narrative in so few words.

Great poem.