[Fan Script] Geoffrey the Dumbass: Ratatouille

INT. HEADGUM OFFICES

JAKE, AMIR and REILLY are sitting along the conference room table

JAKE: I lied at the bank and told them that the company wasn't dying so they lent me enough money to buy a bitcoin but I dropped it down the drain just as I got outside the crypto store

AMIR: That sucks

REILLY: I don't think that's how bitcoin works at all

GEOFF enters wearing a tall chef hat

GEOFF: You guys busy? There's a couple of things I wanted to tell you about

JAKE: You've got another pitch?

AMIR: Let me guess. "Chef hats... for all the Matts"

GEOFF: What? No. My dad had a barbeque this weekend so I got to talk to some of his friends. Turns out one of them sells audio thingies. I told him about HeadGum, he listened to some podcasts and got really into it. So, long story shor-

AMIR: Ah, don't you mean long story jort?

GEOFF looks at REILLY confused and mouths "what?"

GEOFF: Eh... no, long story short he sent me five pairs of studio headphones. We can use them ourselves, we can give them away, whatever. I left them downstairs, they're really cool.

JAKE: Wow, Geoff that's... that's amazing thanks a lot

GEOFF: No prob

JAKE and AMIR get up and starts walking towards the exit, GEOFF stops them

GEOFF: Wait! Before I forget

GEOFF takes a pen drive out his pocket and hands it to JAKE

JAKE: What's this?

GEOFF: I've been listening to the podcast since the beginning and cutting what are, from my point of view, the best moments. There's a clip from the first hundred episodes.

AMIR: Really? That's great.

JAKE: Yeah, we'll definitely give it a listen.

GEOFF offers them a brofist and the three of them say "that's awesome, dude" as they brofist. JAKE and AMIR leave, GEOFF sits at the table and starts working on his phone.

REILLY: Ok... What's going on?

GEOFF: With what?

REILLY: With you. Last week we were talking seriously about getting you some velcro shoes because we spent a solid two days trying to teach you to tie your shoes to no avail and know you're like... I don't know, employee of the month, just knocking it out of the park

GEOFF: Yeah, I'm knocking it out of the cat

REILLY looks at him puzzled

GEOFF: You know, dude

GEOFF points up to his hat

REILLY: I really don't

GEOFF looks around to confirm they're alone, gets closer to REILLY and lowers his voice.

GEOFF: I got Ratatouilled

REILLY: What?

GEOFF: Last Friday I was walking home from work and I noticed this industrious and well organized rat down an alley. I saw my opportunity and cheesed it. Little guy went up my head and under my hat but not without putting up a fight first. Couple of hours later I could already think clearer, work cleaner and speak cleaver. Now I feel way better, just tired and feverish all the time and my body is spamming constantly.

REILLY: Did the rat had foam in its mouth?

GEOFF: Foam sure he did

REILLY: Ok, leaving aside the fact that you believe you can identify a rat being "industrious and well organized" by sight, I think you have rabies. Did your dad really throw a barbeque?

GEOFF: Now that you mention it I think it was less a barbeque with my dad and his friends and more me grilling sausages with some homeless guys by a barrel fire

REILLY: I'm gonna take you to ER now

GEOF: Oui Oui

JAKE and AMIR are downstairs with a disappointed look on their faces. AMIR is holding up a couple of cups tied with a string. JAKE is plugging the pen drive into his laptop.

AMIR: So much for the "studio headphones", what's in there?

JAKE: It's the clip of Michael Richards saying the n word at the Laugh Factory