Adderall #32

its inhabitants have learned to be their own light

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I really like this line

You brought me there with you, I really felt this.

"Surely the great mysteries have revealed themselves at the bottom of the sea." This sounds so good. It's like, it's a Brand New lyric in it's prime. I could feel so similar when I first started reading it.

This is one of the best poems I've seen on here- it's quiet but impactful, and just the right length for what it's getting at- it hits the same way a Jules Verne novel does, adventurous but restrained. I especially love lines 3-5, the use of "wraith" as a verb is super creative and invokes all sorts of feelings and images that really enhance your poem.

Wow. This is really incredible piece. As someone who’s had trouble with stimulants before it really connects with me.

Derelict creatures wraith along; strung-out, perfectly composed to carry the weight of the world

This fucking line right here. Holy shit. Never would have thoutght to use “wraith” as a verb in this way and it is exceptional.

Falling corpses drum upon the undisturbed sand; their inevitable thud

This is one line I take some small issue with; it is unclear to me if we have returned to the surface or if we are still at the bottom of the ocean. If we are at the bottom of the ocean still, it seems unlikely that a corpse would either fall or thud on the ocean floor. This to me seems like a distracting problem that may need some work.

In a place that has known only darkness, its inhabitants have learned to be their own light

I love this. It reminds of the fact that the deeper you descend into your addictive behavior the less likely you are to find any light outside of your DOC. It’s a disgustingly effective metaphor.

Thank you for this. It’s an incredibly strong piece.

Very good imagery! I was going to comment on the use of "wraith" as a verb, as another user already has; I meant to point out your mistake, but I think it works in the context of this poem and makes great use of creative license. I like how the line "strung-out, perfectly composed to carry" so perfectly describes the creatures both directly, and metaphorically in reference to an orchestra.

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I loved the first half of this poem the most. The descriptions and setting are so visceral and mystifying.

From the first line we get a sense of your own reference in "sometimes I think about the bottom of the ocean", but what if it was strictly told from a more detached point of view? Maybe just starting "The bottom of the ocean," // would make the first sentence of the first half feel more cohesive.

"perfectly composed to carry the weight of the world"

Love it, insightful way of describing a world we know very little of.

There is so much in this poem that is beautiful.
The imagery really takes me to multiple places.

Most importantly I feel like I can feel the "light" that can be found in the desperation, created in "darkness."

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I feel like if I say much more I will take away from the poem itself and I don't want to do that.

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I was wondering if you wanted to style the poem in a different way and if you had a link to that version.