Source
r/self•
deadrs

I talked to a stranger for 30 minutes on a bench today.

I have horrible social anxiety where sometimes I just can’t put myself out there, so I like walking around my local park to kind of push myself back into civilisation.

After my walks, I like sitting on a bench and smoking a spliff. While I was sitting on the bench, a guy came up and sat down on the other half and asked for a lighter.

Then we just, talked. He passed a spliff to me and we talked about how you need to show yourself to the world and you need to get to the point in your life where you don’t give a fuck about what people think of you.

And it was just crazy to me. I was actively in conversation with someone and I barely stuttered. I pushed myself to be open to a stranger and I feel really good about it!

edit: my first gold, holy shit!!!!! thank you!

Posted Jul 10, 2019, 4:07 PM UTC · edited

1.1K73
Deep_navy•

People who smoke a spliff and sit on benches chilling are often up for a chat if the dry mouth hasnt set in too bad

278
deadrsOP•

This is the second person I met through smoking spliffs on a bench!

92
askmeforashittyfact•

I’m only 26 and before I started smoking regularly I thought just sitting in the park was an old stoner thing and now I invite friends to listen to music in my car and they can’t understand it until I pull up on a view and blast some good tunes.

21
deadrsOP•

Nothing beats a spliff with a good view!

14
RoseyOnTheOtherSide•

Man! Y'all come to east Tennessee! I'll show ya views that will blow your mind! I am not from here originally. I was born and raised in eastern NC. My husband and I came here and stayed for the summer when we were still teenagers and unmarried. Moved away, mountains called us home. Moved again. Again came back. Left one last time and then we realized this amazing place was where we were supposed to raise our family.

Note to add: As a PTSD sufferer with social anxiety as well, the slower pace of the south along with the country lifestyle where people are in general very laid back, made a huge difference for me. I had my medical card in MI and they are talking medical legalization at minimum here this year.

Anyway, DM me if any of you ever get out this way! Theres some great spots on the Nolichucky River that I love to share with new folks!

1
askmeforashittyfact•

You have no idea how seriously I take invites like that. If you’re up for it I wouldn’t mind surprising my wife by the one of this year.

2
silnadd•

That’s great! I don’t know you, but I’m very proud of you!!

36
sokolpl•

Yeah good job. Stay persistent now. Try not to set your self up too high that you could have convos with everyone. Take small steps don’t get discourage. It’s your life, do not give a fuk what other people think about you. As long as what you do is making you happy and full-field continue doing that :) cheers

30
deadrsOP•

Thank you!! I started off by asking people if I could pet their dogs (which makes me so fucking happy)!

30
sokolpl•

Great, that would meat to a small talk. Each time you do that you build more confidence in yourself. :)

5
suekelly36•

I always wonder when people say"Don't give a fuck what other people think about you". You can say that all you want but people care about what other people think. I feel..if you are a good person,honest,caring....then don't give a fuck what someone else thinks,if you are fucking up....then care.

1
sokolpl•

This post is not about fuck ups in life it is about mental state. I said do not give a fuck about what other people think because I’m speaking from experience. When I was younger I always wanted to be socially accepted, had to wear the newest clothes etc, didn’t have the courage to approach girls because I was scared of rejection and many more things. Now that I’m 27 i look back at that and think to myself how dumb I was trying to impress other people by making myself miserable. Now I don’t care about the way I dress, I don’t care if people see me with gym shorts in a fancy restaurant. It makes me happy and comfortable. I can’t talk about the girls part anymore because I’m married. Accepting yourself as you are is the best thing there can be. You have one life there’s no time to be miserable because someone doesn’t like the way you dress or something.

2
BillSinge•

That’s really good man! Really happy for you! I’m a huge extrovert so I can see how hard it must be not to be able to talk to people easily. Well done man I’m proud of you and I don’t even know you!

28
deadrsOP•

Thank you!! :)

11
BillSinge•

No problem. :)

4
franknwh•

Sits down.

“Hello. I’m Forrest. Forrest Gump.”

17
Clothesmindedpgh•

Nice! Just had a great convo with an older woman and she commented how glad she was that she came out today and met a like minded person! Good for you!

16
deadrsOP•

I’m so happy to hear that! I love those kinds of moments with people :)

Thank you!!

6
weird_BOII•

I find it way easier to talk to complete strangers than to people I know.

13
deadrsOP•

Same here! I’m thinking of trying out a new thing where I act as if the people I know are strangers.

5
8008city•

Thanks for the good idea

3
deadrsOP•

You’re welcome! Wish you the best!

3
patriotjeff•

Life is like a box of chocolates

7
Ialmostthewholepost•

My personal protip is to go walking in the morning, between 8 and 10, in an area where elderly people live. There's an old habit of making eye contact and saying good morning that brings a genuine smile to my face. Usually while also smoking a blunt lol.

Good on you for getting out and working on your anxiety. It only gets better the more you practice, and if you have a bad day at it remember that everyone does.

6
deadrsOP•

That’s a great tip! I always notice that people look up at me when I walk past them, but I’m too shy to say hi to them or something! Definitely my next goal. :)

4
Ialmostthewholepost•

Go with eye contact and a nod if it feels comfortable in those situations. Go with what you think feels natural and remember we're all just practicing constantly.

3
DasLooch•

Weed, bringing people together since... FOREVER!... congrats keep it up!

5
2ndDegreeOfSM•

What's a spliff?

4
GreasyDomich•

Its a joint that has tobacco in it

9
zeaga2•

Apparently it's British slang for a joint

4
NYgirrrl•

I once chatted with a stranger on the used car lot & 5 min in...he lights a fatty & passes to me... Lol. I was so surprised #I💗Florida

4
deadrsOP•

I love chill people like that who just share their spliffs with strangers without thought!

4
FartBlockingUnderpan•

That's awesome! How'd you get that initial idea/push to get to the park?

3
deadrsOP•

I stopped distracting myself with netflix and reddit and reflected on how I was currently living my life. I just realised that I can’t live like this and that I need to get out of my head.

I always assumed (I still kinda do) that everyone is judgemental, that everyone was staring at me in disgust. It hit me that I’m projecting how I feel on myself on other people, which caused me to close myself off from the world.

I still need to work on being highly judgemental of myself, but it feels so freeing almost finally being “whatever” about myself and going with the flow.

12
GreasyDomich•

Thats some impressive introspection. Out of curiousitt what led you to this discovery?

4
deadrsOP•

I thought so negatively of everything and I felt like I was in prison. I did the same thing every single day, just zone out and ignore my thoughts and feelings. I guess you could say that I snapped out of it at some point and forced myself to do things.

I’m a pushover with myself and I had no self discipline, so I started with daily chores, daily healthy activities and realised that I felt so much better about myself and about my life!

5
tidalpools•

Something I've realized is people in general are self-absorbed. Not necessarily a bad thing but like obviously you're going to think of yourself first, put yourself first, pay more attention to your own thoughts and feelings and experience than someone else's. That can help a bit if you keep that in mind when dealing with people. You can sorta see it when you watch people, how they're sort of caught up in themselves. A lot of people are worrying about what others things of them but everyone is sorta thinking about themselves first and foremost lol.

3
deadrsOP•

That’s a very good point! I haven’t even thought of that. Thank you!

1
nguyen696900•

Well done! Congrats!

2
CaseyAM02•

I'm glad this happened and that you feel really good about it! :D

Edit: Added "really".

2
dummymagic•

Good for you!

2
[deleted]•

I have wicked anxiety and I’ve done just this. Have an extended great conversation with a total stranger. It’s easier I think because since they don’t know you they don’t have ANY preconceived notions about you and you can be YOUR TRUE SELF and express yourself without internal dialogue plaguing you. Good work!

2
deadrsOP•

Thank you! I’m proud of you! It takes a lot of guts to open yourself up to interactions like that!

2
[deleted]•

😍

1
TheamazingBrr•

I had something similar happen to me on Sunday too and I’m just as awkward initiating conversation with strangers. We were at the pool though and it was a lady. We talked about life, goals, family and women. When we parted ways I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt so accomplished for holding a conversation for so long. We talked for two whole hours.

I’m so happy for you! I know the feeling all too well and its a crazy-good feeling.

2
deadrsOP•

That’s so great and I’m so happy for you too! I hope you have more of those moments soon!

1
ryaninanoria1414•

Two of my friends and I, smoked multiple spliffs with 4 down to earth , hot, exotic looking women, at the beach, we don't know them , they just asked us for a lighter and I proceeded to ask if we could smoke with em . And now we are all friends

2
anumati•

Good job.

2