Why does semen turn into rubber cement in the shower?
I'm not ashamed to say that I've had my share of shower wanks, but what gets me every time is how my baby batter quickly turns into the strongest adhesive known to man. Don't get that shit in your happy trail, because it's never coming out.
Anyways, I was curious as to the scientific principles behind it. I'm assuming it has to do with the water washing away the liquid parts leaving only the cement behind? That's just my guess though. Thoughts? Stories?
Posted Jun 6, 2010, 1:54 PM UTC
477679
This is actually a really interesting phenomenon. It's called Semolysis and it's one of those remnants of evolution that is no longer useful. Like goosebumps. Or charity. Semen is designed to harden in water, but when combined with the enzymes in saliva, it is much more effective.
Early proto-humans would use a liberal mixture of semen and saliva, presumably working in groups, to coat pregnant women in a sort of tough, flexible shell that would help hide their scent and protect them from predators in the very vulnerable weeks leading up to childbirth.
This is the strangest thing I've read all week......
It's definitely strange. It's also not true. Hopefully, this is the top comment because people find it funny and not because they think it's the right answer.
I will now proceed to accept it as fact.
I will now proceed to add this to the wikipedia article on semen, then add the post as a citation. Since nobody actually looks at citations, it will become fact.
Me too.
<Jamie>Well there's your problem.</Jamie>
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I know this is not easy for some of you to swallow, but bear with me.
It's an emerging theory that still has a fair number of holes, but I think shows a lot of promise. It's exciting because it's so interdisciplinary - but you can imagine how hard it is to get a paleoanthropologist and an evolutionary biologist in the same room to discuss "allogeneic prepartal seminal cocoons." It's challenging to figure out what to put in the subject of that email.
A good place to start is "Hominoid seminal protein evolution and ancestral mating behavior" by Carnahan and Jensen-Seaman (I know, right?). They were the first ones to discuss (in passing) the coagulation of semen as a product - rather than a byproduct of evolution. And they briefly explore its very specific activation by enzymes in saliva, and the evolutionary implications of such.
It's no surprise that hardened semen doesn't hold up for 500,000 years very well. Much of the research is based on trace analysis of the preserved remains of early hominids that died childbirth (there aren't many). Some of the more fringy-er in the community think that the practice may have survived in a ritualized fashion until up to the end of the last ice age, based on some, in my mind, questionable interpretations of cave paintings.
Frustratingly, the evidence is hard to come by, and it's not surprising that few institutions are interested in funding such research. And much of the research that is being done on the subject is in Japanese. But I think in five or ten years - especially if we can find a partially fossilized seminal cocoon - you'll see this mentioned in more mainstream sources.
I see what you did there...
Your citation has perhaps led us down the path to truth:
Are you telling me that bukkake is a natural human occurrence and we should all partake?! And here I always the the Japanese where just fuckin' weird.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I did google that.
upvote semen cacoon
And much of the research that is being done on the subject is in Japanese.
After reading that 'Semen Omelette' bit up there, I think I understand why it's the Japanese that are doing most of the research on this subject...
You're right, the goosebumps thing is totally still useful
It got my vote because it is on the internet, therefore it cannot be false.
Damn I've already told this to everybody I know and told them it is fact.
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I have videos of reenactments if anyone wants a link
buzzkill
It's only "top", not "best". Under "best", it's wa-a-a-ay down the page. If you want the accurate comment first, change your sort.
Have you ever heard the phrase "nobody likes a smart alec"?
The idea of it being vestigial like goosebumps or charity was added lols.
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You really want a source for something that didn't happen? Really?
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It might warrant an experiment
You have earned your Making Shit Up merit badge.
*Arrives with the badge*
Arrives with the badger
I'm here. What the fuck do you want?
We don't need no steenkin badgers!
Arrives with the badger badger
The force with which I want one of these has surprised me.
Pleeease, stop badgering me about making more bad badger badges.
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Redditor for 1 year. Kudos. 8-)
He has provided evidence supporting his claim. So we have to take it back and award the "Strangest bit of semen knowledge."
Well played, you had me going right up till the second paragraph.
So the word Semolysis didn't tip you off, or "...that is no longer useful. Like ... charity"?
Oh yea, I heard about that coating ritual. It was mainly used in Eastern Asian nations. I believe they called it "Bukake".
Yes yes, I've heard of this. It's very traditional to them even though humans have evolved long beyond the need for it. I've seen quite a few documentaries on the subject.
Is this really true? That's fascinating, and disgusting.
Edit: Fuckity Fuck Fuck
Edit: FFS people, maybe I fell for a joke, but why downvote me?
It's well written bullshit. Look up semolysis.
Well now I'm really disappointed.
Indeed, it's not semolysis but rather semynthesis.
no
I can't decide whether to lol or wtf. And without a helpful username to guide me, I MIGHT NEVER KNOW.
You are so damn tasty.
This is like a weird version of the dwarves from Artemis Fowl.
I don't remember the dwarves covering each other in semen.
Then again it's been so many years.
There was something in there about layering saliva on their heads to form a hard shell and headbutting stuff.
Just imagine what dwarf semen would do, if the saliva is rock-hard...
Hence why it's a weird version of dwarves from Artemis Fowl series.
WTF? I'm reading the eternity code right now.
The fuck?
you should play balderdash sometime
If you Google for "coagulation of semen", the first link is "Coagulation of semen in testicles". Now I'll have to check my semen for signs of coagulation for the next few weeks, until I forget about this link. And then when I've forgotten about it someone will submit a Wikipedia article or YouTube video on Reddit of something even more gruesome the next day, and I'll click on it because I'll think: "How horrifying can it be?".
TIL...
Are you John Hodgman?
I officially lost it at "Or charity."
I read right past the "Or charity" part and didn't realize he was screwing around until the second paragraph
How exactly did we find that out?
Wow... Just wow.
Baby batter indeed.
The birth of bukakke?
This is basically saying that Bukkake actually has an evolutionary point.
what was the use of goosebumps?
Humans are descended from geese, the goosebumps are where the feathers used to sprout from. Now goosebumps are pretty useless, similar to the liver.
i declare that to be bullshit.
nah the guy seems legit
lolnot
And why would that be no longer be useful?
Someone should start a Wikipedia article on Semolysis and add this comment as a reference. Apparently, Reddit has been accepted as a reliable source on Wikipedia before.
Could you make a wikipedia entry of this phenomenon?
It would be so ace to be present at the birth of an urban myth.
Bukkake?!?
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I love you.
I like you. I really do.
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The Japanese have a name for it.
Srsly?
The technical term is "bukakke."
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Do you want to be my partner in Balderdash?
I think I heard this on Cheers from Cliff Clavin
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I can't tell if you just made that shit up or learned it in some anthro-biology class.
Dude, you should play Balderdash.
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BDS- Bukkake Defense System.
Perhaps the male infacuation with the 'facial' has it's roots in this bygone evolutionary practice?
"Oh dearest? I'm going to need you to take it on the chin tonight. It is my way of providing you a protective coating. Of love!"
I googled Semolysis and this post came up first. Well done sir!
Hell yes!
well that is rather nonsexual and silly.
bukake is all part of evolution
Early proto-humans would use a liberal mixture of semen and saliva…
So when a girl refuses to swallow…
Maybe this is why my friend's girlfriend says she can't swallow...
Upvoted for correct anthropological reference
upvoted for Charity no longer useful
You know I'm going to have to test this out by making a semen/spit coated tennis ball now, don't you?
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Fucking awesome, and true too!
google search of "Semolysis"
no results. yep, it's a troll.
Yeah, yeah: [citation needed]
This is the grossest thing I have ever heard. Having been pregnant twice, I cannot imagine having anyone put semen and saliva on me during my 9th month of pregnancy. I was cranky enough as it was without that stuff all over me. YUK!!!
whooosh
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