Source
r/Youngluck•
youngluck

SENTENCING UPDATE...

Yesterday, I went before a Federal Sentencing Judge expecting to be handed 10 years in Federal prison for breaking the law.

My lawyer presented his case, the AUSA presented theirs, and then it came time for me to speak. I pulled out the speech kleinbl00 helped me write, and read it:

Your Honor,

I am here to not only acknowledge the atrocious mistake that I’ve made, but take full responsibility for it. I realize that it has not only damaged my life, but also the lives of those that love and look up to me, an action that in and of itself could be considered a crime. My sentence will be one that, no matter how lenient or severe, I believe I will be serving for the rest of my life.

Your honor, I understand and respect that you have a job to do and by no means, under any circumstance do I expect you to do otherwise. I only pray that in determining my sentence, you take into consideration not only the crime that I’ve committed, but also the human being that I’ve become.

I stand before you as a man of Faith, a certified partner at in his presence church. I stand before you as an Honors student at The Art Institute, one of the most respected art conservatories in the country. I stand before you as an author and Illustrator of a Children’s Book, whose proceeds go to a charity dedicated to eliminating bias against children with disabilities. I stand before you as a tutor for a young student with Central Auditory Processing Disorder, whose mother has written to affirm the inspiring progress made under my tutelage. I stand before you as a director of product strategy at an exciting new tech startup that aims to revolutionize the way people manage tasks. But above all, I stand before you as the dedicated father of a beautiful 6 year-old boy.

I am 30 years old, your honor. I am at an age where most citizens are either laying down or building upon the foundations by which they will live the rest of their lives. I fear that this mistake I’ve made will throw me in a hole from which I may not be able to climb out.

I do not consider myself, by any definition of the term, a threat to society. In fact it has become a daily mantra of mine not to go to sleep until I feel I have contributed more than I have taken. This is the human being that you are sentencing today. I ask that you let me continue contributing to society rather than become a burden upon it.

The judge looked at me, and said in his 42 years on the federal bench, he'd never seen a case as extraordinary as this. He agreed that my Safety Valve WOULD apply… and that my post arrest accomplishments would allow him, in accordance with 3553(a) and Booker vs. US, to do whatever the fuck he wanted. He gave me 28 months in a penitentiary, w/ 5 years Home confinement on the back end. It's as if God came down and tongue kissed me… I am beyond ecstatic. He also allowed me the option to self surrender, giving me about a week or so to get my affairs in order.

What happens next? Im waiting for the Bureau of Prisons to assign me a facility, and then Im off...

I would have posted this Update earlier, but I slept a total of 8 hours in the 2 weeks leading up to it. So I left the courthouse, hit my pillow with my head, and slept like a rock for almost a day...

Thank you all for the support...

tl;dr My judge gave me 28 months in a penitentiary, w/ 5 years Home confinement. I am beyond thrilled.

Posted Jun 24, 2010, 9:53 PM UTC · edited

705232
kleinbl00•

All I ask in thanks is that you remember "i before e except when it's me." ;-)

977
youngluckOP•

Dammit. Fixed.

198
maxd•

No offense, Mr Luck, but I was wondering when you are self surrendering?

16
youngluckOP•

None taken... I have been waiting for the bureau of prisons to assign me. All my shit is packed, and I wake up every morning wondering if I'm going to get called that day. It's like turning the crank on a Jack in The Box, wondering when the clown is gonna pop... My attorney said 1 week, it's been 2... so any day now. Thanks for asking...

24
maxd•

That's strange and annoying! I hope they hurry up, I'm sure the waiting is killing you. Best of luck with them choosing a good location.

I'll be sure to write. I'm a software engineer by trade and my handwriting has gone to shit over the last decade because I never write things. Apologies in advance.

14
sundaymorningphotons•

You will be the "redditor of the year" for me.

167
[deleted]•

I added him as a friend so I can give him karma wherever he shall roam.

18
[deleted]•

[deleted]

11
[deleted]•

I guess you really caught the gay!

4
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
dlogan3344•

You should look into working as a speech writer kleinbl00, that is beyond any expectation I had from here. That was perfection, even if there was flaws in it then they just made it that more honest and real. I applaud you, and cannot praise you enough.

69
maxd•

I'm pretty sure kleinbl00 is a film script writer.

55
kleinbl00•

struggling film script writer.

FTFY

139
maxd•

internationally acclaimed film script writer

I'm foreign, and I know about you, so it's accurate.

104
rraaarr•

but a damn good one :)

9
z3ddicus•

Obviously, I mean you can write. Have you seen a movie lately? Most working script writers SUCK.

3
panamaspace•

Very much upvoted script writer! And with reason!

I humbly take of my hat before you, Mr. Kleinbl00. I am kinda tearing up now...

2
[deleted]•

You are now much more than that, and by a damn sight.

In the scrap book of your life what you have done deserves a gold embossed page with a photo of you looking back at yourself with the words:

I made a difference, a really fucken, major, important difference.

1
fyeah•

care to comment kleinbl00?

6
myth1n•

I think youngluck got very lucky, awesome speech, awesome story, this is why I love reddit over any other "social media" outlet. The real people stories do it for me.

2
fuckshitwank•

He's also written a graphic novel I think.

1
crazybones•

Brilliant speech. I suspect kleinbl00 is a professional writer of some kind. It's also great that it worked.

I just hope two things:

  1. that youngluck remembers every single promise he made in that speech and keeps each one for the rest of his life

  2. that other less honourable people than youngluck don't use that speech as a template to fake their remorse in order to escape a tough sentence.

15
enjo13•

Unlikely I'd think on #2... you have to actually have DONE those things outline in the speech. Most criminals haven't done anything but be criminals.

1
crazybones•

That's why I used the word 'template'. There are some basic themes that kleinbl00 used in the speech which could in many cases be adapted to suit other circumstances. Many criminals are - almost by definition - quite devious and could reword parts of that speech to match their situation.

5
[deleted]•

this is crazy untrue.

4
maxd•

I always learned it as "i before e except after c".

What a weird society we live in.

36
Iguanaforhire•

"i before e except after c".
weird

I see what you did there.

29
bangonthedrums•

And "society"

30
Iguanaforhire•

Wow, I missed that one. Nice catch.

17
Technohazard•

"weird" is one of the few word I spell incorrectly with any frequency, specifically for this reason.

3
gr8sk8•

This is as good a thread as any to post, there's finally some steam gathering behind expungement for federal crimes, a second chance for federal offenders. Visit www.federalexpungement.com for more info.

8
daebat•

good job klein. this is what reddit is about.

3
Scarker•

Redditor saves man's life from being soap-dropped for more than 28 months.

2
[deleted]•

Grammer nazi saves guy!

2
swisslawstudent•

You are awesome incarnated. May you have a good life.

1
munificent•

You must feel pretty fucking awesome right about now.

1
kleinbl00•

I offered to update the website so that I would have a weekly reminder of the fact that no matter what other shit I'm dealing with in my life, at least I'm not in muthafuckin' JAIL.

I knew yesterday. It choked me up for most of the afternoon. I still can't read any of the above out loud.

6
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
kleinbl00•

He misspelled it initially.

3
[deleted]•

[deleted]

2
i_ANAL•

or after c!

0
staircasewit•

Youngluck, we haven't spoken, ever. But I've clicked through threads with your art (the one with the man standing beside a cliff smiling up at a missile heading towards him literally gives me chills). I've read what you've written about your life, and honestly, my heart has gone out to you. You seem like a good man, a good father. Talented, smart. Not going to deny that you made a mistake, but the whole time, I've been thinking "Ten years of his life? Just for that?"

I was refreshing your profile yesterday, waiting for news. I don't even know you. We've never spoken. I'm sure there are dozens, maybe even hundreds, maybe thousands of others in your situation. I don't know. But you're a redditor. We frequent the same circles. I've seen your story, and I haven't seen everyone else's. And frankly, I think you deserve this second chance-- no one else has managed to convince me that they deserve that.

So you have a second chance at these next ten years of your life. Make good use of it, and have an awesome life. I'm seriously so happy for you right now.

81
TheThirdBlackGuy•

the one with the man standing beside a cliff...

Hopefully no one else searches for 5 minutes looking.

93
Iguanaforhire•

Thank you.

26
thearchduke•

I hadn't read staircasewit closely enough to understand what you were linking to, so I opened the picture looking for the third black guy. But there's only one guy. I searched for like five minutes!

2
CaptAngua•

staircasewit said it all, far more articulately than I ever could. I hope I too will be able to write to you during your incarceration- it sounds as though a lot of redditors will! Congratulations youngluck, and good luck for the future.

3
fishbert•

Hello.

Um... draw God tongue kissing you in court?

(nice letter. and so happy at the result!)

72
youngluckOP•

Done.

206
fishbert•

ha! that's much more awesome than I had envisioned. =)

reminds me a bit of the sistine chapel.

29
Nebu•

You forgot to ask him to draw you something.

3
fishbert•

still the same encounter, in my book. =)

3
lectrick•

I understand there's kind of a barter economy in prison.

You have a gift right there. I'm sure you could barter it for things.

Just don't use it to get a cellphone or tats. ;)

And look, so it might be harder to get a job in a big company after this. You know what that means? You won't have to work for The Man, and you will basically have to do something great on your own. ;)

7
MrSnoobs•

That's actually really fucking good! I guess you only have months to capitalise on your artistic skills rather than 10 years, now. I hope you get additional time off for good behaviour. Peace.

5
Failcake•

That is... Wow.

Anyways, great job. I'll think of you everytime I look at the desktop wallpaper you made me.

3
[deleted]•

I will not stop laughing at this for a long time. I'm glad things worked out - well, pretty much the best they can in such a situation. Congratulations on getting a second chance, and good luck on getting through the sentencing you did get!

2
Routron•

Applaud.

63
drhaynes•

this weekly dose of faith in humanity, brough to you courtesy of Reddit. :-)

17
regalZA•

Routron was actually the guy who designed the blog for youngluck, so part of that dose can be credited to him :)

6
kleinbl00•

And it's pretty goddamn awesome.

7
TruthinessHurts•

Hooray, the drug dealer not only helped his buddies avoid the law but got a minimal sentence?

-9
AKA_That_Guy•

With your sentence being so short, you'll more than likely end up in the annex of a federal prison, which means you should be able to get out and work some and have a few more freedoms than normal prisoners. Don't let it go to your head.

  1. Do not smuggle in a cellphone. You'd be surprised at how easy it is.
  2. Do not get tattoos.
  3. Do not start smoking.
  4. Do not drink homemade wine. It's made by wearing underwear for several months until you have yeast.
  5. Keep your head low until you get out. Congrats bro. I don't know you but I'm proud of you.
57
Vitalstatistix•

#4...shivers

55
AbortionBurger•

I should not have read that while eating. Hurrrk

19
lynn•

And you know it's bad when it elicits that comment from somebody calling him/herself "Abortion Burger".

26
AbortionBurger•

Hahaha. I always forget my what connotations my username carries. Also, for the record, "herself".

15
tmackattak•

No fucking way number 4 is true. I've seen Locked Up on MSNBC and they said they use fruit and shit to make it. Not dirty crapped briefs.

10
mavandeh•

Yeah, you use fruit, but the yeast has to come from somewhere. I'd be less surprised if they just let it sit and "spontaneously ferment" with whatever yeast/bacteria are floating around in the air. That's how all fermented beverages used to be produced.

Google "Belgian Lambic".

19
dander8090•

The original strain of wine yeast came from toe-jam introduced into the juice when the grapes were stomped barefoot.

5
Anonymo•

It's going to be the original stain of yeast from now on

2
AKA_That_Guy•

It's 100% true. If fruit is available, sure they make it. What Locked Up doesn't tell you though is that when fruit is served at chow time, the unit is shook down afterwards for any smuggling. They use underwear yeast and I'm here to tell you, there is nothing worse than a cellblock full of rot-gutted inmates.

8
Prodigal_Son•

I've been incarcerated 3 times. I've been to county, city, and federal. In none of those institutions have people made pruno with dirty underwear. I had one celly tell me he could put slices of bread and still come out the way he wants. No, people don't get shook down before they go back into their cells, theyre allowed to take whatever leftovers they had. In fact, in federal they made us eat in our cells.

Wherever you've been sounds like it sucked.

4
HornyVervet•

and ketchup! It's called pruno:

http://www.blacktable.com/gillin030901.htm

3
samcbar•

How are they introducing the yeast?

1
HornyVervet•

No idea but fruit will ferment on its own. For instance: this youtube search

I had a friend in college who brought home a huge can of frozen fruit and stuck it in the cupboard without thinking. Fast forward a few days later and BOOM, the can explodes inside out and fermented fruit gets all over the cupboard and counter.

Or another way to think about it in relation to the original comment: if you can culture yeast in your undies, wouldn't it be a lot faster to culture yeast in sugar?

3
[deleted]•

used tampons?

1
[deleted]•

I bet Chris could make some wine.

2
stilesjp•

What's the difference whether it's months old underwear or shit? Jesus, right now I think I'd prefer the old underwear, and I can't believe i just said that.

1
Prodigal_Son•

You're wrong on number four. Having made it myself while I was locked up I can tell you it's made with oj, sugar, and water.

8
AKA_That_Guy•

Nope, I'm not wrong on #4. Some of you seem to think there is only one way to make alcohol.

6
Leighbra•

I am very glad to hear how this has worked out so far.

Are you still with your son's mom? Don't forget to work on that relationship as much as you work on the one with your son.

Keep your head up, don't get ANY TATTOOS IN PRISON, put some money on your books before you go in & don't you dare ever fuck up again ;)

~Best wishes, Perpetual mother to the internet (nag nag nag, love love love)

40
chancesarent•

Also, take advantage of any trustee programs the prison has to offer. They can effectively cut your time in half, IIRC

11
hypokineticman•

came here to post this-- a friend of mine worked in the jail kitchen (dudes elbow deep in macaroni salad...shudder) and did 90 instead of 180 days. which brings up another point: try not to eat the food, youngluck

5
Leighbra•

I'm not sure how it works with federal cases, and if this is still considered to be a federal case being sentenced in a state penitentiary. Most federal cases are held until their sentence has been completely fulfilled.

I think under 366 days most states hold people in county jails, a year long sentence being the cut off that lands you in jail versus landing you in prison. Jails and federal sentences are two completely different balls of wax.

Getting a job in the prison & working to pay off your victims fund (in this case probably paying off the cost of the prosecution/court costs) is a necessary thing, because you will never vote with a felony conviction and unpaid obligations.

(The only things I know about how prison works come from my husband's career at a max security penitentiary, my short time there as a mental health nurse, and having an interest due to his line of work. I am certainly no expert.)

4
maxd•

That is awesome. I note that 85% of 28 months is just under 24 months; isn't 85% the time parole can start?

I'm sure you've already realised this but the best part of this is you'll be with your son again when he's 8. That is a MASSIVE difference to waiting til he's 16. You'll still be there for the most formative years of his life.

31
fishbert•

not only that, but you'll be forced to be with your son around the clock until he's 13! =)
(which is good because they haven't started to hate you yet)

43
nbach•

There's no parole in the federal system. You do the prescribed sentence, and then you go home.

2
maxd•

Not what I understood, it's been discussed here before. This is the only reference I can find at present, but I'm busy.

Advocacy from the federal government sparked the movement, modeled on the 1984 Sentencing Act, that instituted the federal sentencing guidelines and also remodeled the parole system by requiring 85 percent of every prison term be served

Source

5
nbach•

From the US Parole Commission site:

Defendants sentenced for offenses committed on or after November 1, 1987 serve determinate terms under the sentencing guidelines and are not eligible for parole consideration.

3
maxd•

That's me told! Thanks for the info, although I still find it convenient that 0.85*28 months is almost exactly 2 years. :)

1
zootburt•

You have no idea how lucky you are. When you get out, you ought to go kiss kleinbl00's scrotum until he comes in your eye, and then do it again.

26
kleinbl00•

###PASS

33
[deleted]•

disagreed. but upvoted nonetheless.

10
their•

Just be the decent human being that you are.

11
actinide•

Congrats man, seriously.

I have never talked to you, but I read your IAmA and was touched. I'm glad things worked out for you in the end - at least to the best that they could have.

11
FrankReynolds•

You'll be out before SWTOR. You should feel good about that.

10
yourbiggestfan•

I had to plead my case infront of a courtroom myself once. It's a very daunting task. Good work and hope all goes well for you.

6
DrJulianBashir•

It's as if God came down and tongue kissed me

Loved this line.

What exactly does "Home Confinement" entail? Is that house arrest for 5 years?

6
ImLyingWhenISay•

I think I would enjoy that punishment.

"Bro you know I cant leave, grab some weed and come through"

4
[deleted]•

5 years of drug tests too. best part to me would be, "no honey, i can't go to the store to get some eggs right now. what am i doing? playing video games."

10
[deleted]•

[deleted]

3
WhyIOughta•

As far as I know, they give you a sort of bubble around your home and another around your place of work that you are allowed to be in, excepting commutes.

6
K-Mo•

hilarious.

0
selflessGene•

From what I know of your story, you're a man with integrity, strong loyalty to friends, and a loving father. It makes me pleased to know when good things happen to good people.

But choose carefully those who you associate yourself with in the future.

5
g0zer•

good luck chico. also watch out for the tossed salad man.

5
Burnt_World•

I'll read! I'll learn to read!

2
[deleted]•

Congratulations. Hope this will somehow be an experience that will have a positive influence on the rest of your life. What is your blog's address? I'd like to see your drawings.

One thing: "I stand before you as a man of Faith" and "It's as if God came down and tongue kissed me…" don't quite add up for the Calvinist I was brought up as. Is tongue kissing with God typical for your church? Do you also tongue kiss other figures, like the virgin Mary, or eat the Magdelene? I might join, then.

5
AnnArchist•

holy shit you got lucky.

5
yesidhitthat•

My boyfriend got me to come to reddit. I love the site and this story really makes me proud. Proud that I come here. Proud that there really are good, descent people online that will actually do something to help another human being out. After reading this, I had to call my boyfriend to tell him about your sentencing. That's how giddy I was. Awesome job Kleinbl00 and Routron and the rest of the reddit community for the advice that you gave youngluck.

5
[deleted]•

TIL that some Judges read reddit.

5
mylegalthrowaway•

I am a clerk for a federal judge. I kept waiting to see youngluck show up in our courtroom this week.

5
youngluckOP•

Really? Are you in L.A.? I only ask because I wanted to write the judge a letter, and didn't know if it was appropriate to do before I had actually completed my sentence. Do you think I should wait until I get out to write it?

5
Sub_NerdBoy•

dude, you got 2 years for 7.6 kilo's a coke?? god damn. in texas it's 10-99 years. you got off easy!

5
youngluckOP•

It was Federal... Everywhere it's 10-99. That's what I was facing. Had the judge not agreed to grant me safety valve, and a further reduction based on post arrest accomplishments, thats what I would have got. 10 years is what I walked into that courtroom prepared to accept. It's what the AUSA was adamantly asking for. Which makes this whole thing all the more incredible... I was truly blessed. Interesting side note: The judge that showed compassion that day was actually a replacement. My original judge was a Bush appointee, and was known for throwing the book at people. He fell and broke his hip, and was replaced by the judge that would end up sentencing me.

26
Sub_NerdBoy•

wow, congratulations you lucky SOB!

isn't it crazy how things can oddly come out in your favor? almost like the universe is saying 'you fucked up, learn from it, and don't do it again.'

8
abomb999•

He hit a 1/1,000,000 there. For the other 999,999 sentenced, they all got fucked over by that hack judge. These things are super rare, but they do happen.

Congrats on hitting your life jackpot.

3
jck•

I'm so happy for you man...

1