Source
r/OCPoetry•
summercloud5

Interdimensional Crossroads

Feedback Received!

In the land bridging worlds
Where dreams and reality are one,
The ruins of an untold structure stand
Tears of stone sprawled everywhere,
There the wind blows without sound,
There the shadow rises of its own accord,
To beckon the light that trails it.

An abandoned interdimensional crossroads,
With light everywhere, a dreamlike glow,
Heatless rather than searing,
In this topsy-turvy, silent land
No earthly mortal had ever seen,
Meant only for otherworldly beings.
And I noticed I was too late.

Somehow you’d departed
So long ago, several millennia ago.
It began with odd inscriptions uncovered one day -
Dismissed as myth by historians and other experts,
A myth for those who enjoy delving in balderdash.
But unlike the other universal myths out there,
Contained within was a cry for help.

(To be continued?)

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Posted Aug 10, 2019, 2:02 AM UTC · edited

3934
ARagingFire•

This would be an amazing intro to a science fiction novel! For a poem I think it's odd that it doesn't have more of a structure but I wouldn't take what I say as a real criticism. I'm in if you continue it.

10
summercloud5OP•

Thanks for the kind words! What are you thinking of when you mention structure?

3
ARagingFire•

I just meant that it's like one big paragraph instead of smaller stanzas. Doesn't have to rhyme or anything but even free verse poetry is not really lumped into paragraph form. It's an easy-ish fix if you want to go more the poetry route but if you wanted to make it a more in depth story I say go for it.

2
summercloud5OP•

Ah thanks for the explanation. My understanding of free verse poetry is different: it does not require structure. source

There are several poems there similar to mine. If I turned the entire piece into one stanza instead of three smaller stanzas, it'd be exactly like the free verse poems you see there. Is your browser showing three stanzas with seven lines each, caused by line breaks?

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ARagingFire•

Yes, I see them now! I have to say, your sources still don't really read as paragraphs, and your piece doesn't either even if you put the three sections together now, so maybe your original structure was changed when you posted it? I would never say it wasn't poetry even as the paragraph, like if that's your style, fuck rules.

2
summercloud5OP•

Fixed the format. Old Reddit (which I actually prefer) had the correct format but doesn't smoothly transit into New Reddit (which messed up the format). Look again and you'll see the correct format.

1
KingMiasmic•

This has the essence of a story-telling piece, but due to lack of structure and prose it doesn't constitute poetry, it seems like an interesting read and definitely gives off a fantasy novel vibe. Overall, I enjoyed it.

3
summercloud5OP•

Feedback appreciated. If it's not poetry (due to lack of structure) and not prose (due to line breaks), then what is it?

I'd wager it's a free verse poem. Free verse poems require no structure nor scheme, but can contain line breaks. Here you'll see several free verse poems very similar to mine.

Do you think my poem would constitute a free verse poem?

2
summercloud5OP•

Fixed the format. Old Reddit (which I actually prefer) had the correct format but doesn't smoothly transit into New Reddit (which messed up the format). Look again and you'll see the correct format.

1
ARagingFire•

Ah, gotcha!

1
peterpastel•

I read it twice and remember your description of the inscription.

The name kind’ve sucks. Interdimensional is already a cross roads (inter=between) in my personal definition for words.

3
summercloud5OP•

LOL good catch! Shh, others won't know!

1
ARagingFire•

Maybe it's a crossroads within a crossroads?

1
summercloud5OP•

Nope, it's an "interdimensional" crossroads. A crossroads that is actually between dimensions, as opposed to otherwise. Without that descriptive adjective, we have no idea of what type of crossroads it is.

1
summercloud5OP•

I was joking when replying to peterpastel, but actually view the title as grammatically correct.

1
ARagingFire•

Cool, maybe I'll use this idea myself then.

1
dokidokichann•

Wow this poem really makes you think

2
dreamerimagine1•

I like the surrealism here. It's like the description of a dystopian society. Very good.

2
hippy_chad•

Wow, this is something else. Makes me think about the science between the dream state and what we consider to be base reality and how they are sub atomically both sourced by photons of light in the form of electromagnetic radiation in your brain. Makes you ponder life in general and paints a really clear picture. Nice.

2
SulcataGirl•

I love this. As another commenter said, it does have the feel of part of a sci-fi story or intro. It reminds me of Hyperion for some reason. Only possible criticism is the "interdimensional crossroads" repetition, which someone else pointed out.

Anyways, love the imagery. I can picture this place (even though, to me, it's not an earthly, physical place), and the emotions I get from the description are really vivid. A sense of sorrow and longing.

This is soooooo sweet:

There the shadow rises of its own accord, To beckon the light that trails it.

Literally love it. I want more.

2
summercloud5OP•

Glad you love it. About the "interdimensional crossroads" repetition, I believe it's grammatically correct. Think of "interdimensional" as a descriptive adjective and "crossroads" as a noun. What type of crossroads is it? You don't know, unless I put "interdimensional" next to it.

I was just joking in my reply to peterpastel, but should've clarified.

Thanks for your feedback!

1
SulcataGirl•

Oh. Yup! You're totally right! I was just blindly jumping on the bandwagon because it made sense when I read it, but didn't take the time to totally think through it, because I was otherwise occupied.. Sorry. Honestly.

I really love this poem. I lurk a lot, and this speaks to me, whereas most don't, even if they are very well constructed. I dig the sci-fi metaphysical subject matter.

1
summercloud5OP•

No worries, it happens!

You mentioned Hyperion earlier. At first, I assumed you meant the Titan, Hyperion... from Greek mythology. But you meant Hyperion, the book... is that correct?

I really appreciate your nice words. The sci-fi metaphysical subject matter can be really interesting. I'll continue this poem or post something else just as interesting when I have more time. Thanks again!

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SulcataGirl•

Thanks for being kind about my lazy critique!

So, yes, I was referring to the book (which is actually a series of sci-fi novels). They include a heavy dose of philosophy and religion. The book title refers to an epic poem a main character works on throughout the novels. This, in turn, is based on and reminiscent of a famous epic poem by John Keats (which is in turn loosely based on the Greek Hyperion), who's real life story is eventually woven into the novels until he becomes one of the main narrators.

I know, it all sounds odd, like poetic nesting-dolls, but it works perfectly somehow. And, it's crazy because your poem simultaneously reminds me of the book series, Keats' original poem, AND the Hyperion Cantos poem from within the novel. It's a similar feeling I'm getting, rather than something concrete.

Anyways, I hope that made some sense. Your poem inspires me to try to post some of my works, even though I've been pretty anxious about it since I'm just getting back into poetry after about a decade hiatus.

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SulcataGirl•

By the way, it reminded me SO much of the book, that I just assumed it was based of of it. Seriously. I've read your poem almost a dozen times now, and it's like it's literally describing this interdimensional crossroads that exists in the story, and aspects of the plot where they're looking for relics and remnants throughout time (millennia) in order to understand this place and the creature that moves within it.

I know it's not what you were writing, it's just that the similarities are uncanny.

2
benonik•

The second stanza made me think about Rick and Morty. I have not read many poems that describe space or things from other dimensions. For this reason, I enjoyed this greatly.

2
Officialdjinnx•

Wow, this is pretty good. Reminds me of the film prometheus unless there was a more subtle ulterior meaning to the cries and themes of departure mentioned.

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summercloud5OP•

Thank you. I like how it reminds you of the film Prometheus. There may be some things in common, but there are a lot of differences. I may write a second part eventually, will have to see.

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