The cloudless sky blew down heat like rain
gulls radiant and white above
as you kissed your sweating glass
ocean shifting over sand
and we felt something new
between us
and the birds wheeled, slowly
Posted Aug 26, 2019, 2:54 AM UTC · edited
I’d personally put something about beating heart in there rather than sweating glass, I really enjoy reading this, but sweating glass throws the imagery a bit for me.
Edit: if sweating glass has relevance that I am yet unaware of, then I probably wouldn’t.
mm gotcha, thanks, I appreciate your take on it. I'm not sure how I feel about that line.
I got my idea of "spirits wheeling" in Demons from this poem. I love this last line. Thank you!
Thank you, I really appreciate that!
Reading this felt a little awkward, I think you could take out down onto us, and still have the same effect. Otherwise I love the imagery, this is amazing!!
Thanks very much for the feedback! I do think I like it more with that change.