What do you do first?
I’m sitting here pondering, for what feels like the millionth time. Thought it was over. Reached out to a guy hoping that since I recovered, I could pass on a good story so that he might improve too. But I’m back to square one.
But what do you do first, when you feel like you’re losing control? Do you call the hotline? Your mom? I want to call them both. My mom would just talk me out of it, I’ve never called her before but I know she would. But that doesn’t help, I’ve never tried the hotline before so I think I’ll do that first.
I’m sitting at a dog park, I walked in with at least 6 dogs running around and I thought that might cheer me up. While staring at my phone writing the last paragraph the entire park cleared out. I don’t know what to do. I hope this is the right place for this.
Posted Aug 31, 2019, 10:38 PM UTC
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I talked with someone on the hotline for a solid 30 minutes and while she helped and provided some perspective, I don’t feel a whole lot better. It seems so much easier to just jump and be done than to try and treat what has been a lifelong affliction. I’m probably going to try a psych for the first time next week, at her suggestion. But I ultimately think I’m at the end of the line. I won’t ever know until I’ve already let go.
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I’m in a situation where my relationship is terminated but my ex-partner and her beautiful almost 3 year old daughter I’ve helped raise aren’t able to fly back to her family until the 9th. It’s not a very hostile environment but the person you love being unable to even speak with you during the last week you’ll ever see her is excruciating. Until then, we have nowhere to go to get away from each other. I want to give up soo bad. I know once she’s gone I have a good shot at recovery, but I’ve been running from this for so long that I fear it’s going to catch up to me fast and I will succumb.
Either way, thank you for responding, perhaps once she’s gone and I’m seeing a shrink on the regular things may actually turn out alright. To combat the loneliness (which was never a problem before her even tho I have lived my entire adult life alone), I plan on going to the humane society tomorrow and possibly getting a doggo.
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