Recently Diagnosed(?) PI

I've just turned 31, and started going to a psychiatrist for a depression that has been going on for just about 2 years (in a certain way, I'm not sure if I've ever NOT been depressed or anxious, just variations on a theme.) I've improved from my worst - a suicide attempt when I was 21. I was not prescribed anything at the time, and therapists I met with suuucked. I adopted CBT as my mantra, but have just been shit at getting my major life shit in order. I dropped out of college and never went back. but I got 4 jobs since and I guess excelled enough at them to get promotions and stuff. 3 of them I panic-quit because of major depressive spirals caused by ridiculous procrastination, misc avoidance tactics, other random impulsive life decision I've made.

This is how I conceptualized my mental health badness, but due to the test for ADHD that I took for the psychiatrist, I've now been ask to really think back to whether any of these symptoms of ADHD-PI were present before age 12. It's my understanding that it's a major part of some diagnoses - but even as an adult, I only really strongly feel, at most, 4ish of the DSM criteria(my partner of 9 years only thought I matched 2), and I really don't think these were present when I was a young kid. I was mostly above average in school in terms of grades, chores, volunteering, after school clubs, etc... until I crashed hard in college [prooobably due to overdoing it on socializing tbh. even if i've always thought of myself as a shy person. also intoxication.] As a kid, I think I match at MOST 2, and those seem like stretches.

However... I did take some of the medicine [10mg adderall 2x/day] that they prescribed me. and it's only been a few days, but this kind of focus just brings me to tears. I have been finally able to check off my very meagre daily checklists... several days of doing everything I set out to do, and that's with a _lower_ dosage than what I am prescribed. I sort of knew this would happen with this particular medication, but I honestly feel like a person for the first time in... ever? Just waking up early, ready to get the day going... not laying in bed groggy for hours. Even the things I was obsessively doing to sublimate take a shorter amount of time bc I'm more focused. I can talk to people with no anxiety at all.

I feel weird. Some adult ADHD-PI stories sound similar to mine. I recognize it can be tricky to diagnose in "high-intelligence" youth, which is kinda what I was categorized as by my particular school system. But, still... I feel conflicted that I'm getting an intense medication, for what might just be inattentive symptoms of a deep depressive state. I also recognize that they're really just tools to get to a better working place, and I'm going to _actually_ try to follow CBT to the max to rewire my brain to a certain balance of routine and spontaneity before eventually trying to cease medication over time. I guess even this indecision of what to think about the situation might also be a symptom so AAAA I guess. Are there others out there with this anxiety over being in the mild-moderate end of things?