My (30f) boyfriend (42m) has been texting a much younger female, I finally snapped.

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She's a child in my opinion, I too was once a pretty 20 year old so I understand where an older man can seem like a fun challenge.

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Now I am worried he's really a fucking creep at this point.

This seems like a pattern for him. You were also in your early 20s when he first became involved with you. Now he's a man in his 40s in a LTR and can't have an adult conversation with you about marriage and children. He's telling you without saying the words. Do you really need to hear it from him? Are his actions not enough?

If you purchased a house together, I hope that means you contributed to the downpayment, so I don't understand why you were concerned about feeling cornered into the purchase and not having a place to go if you didn't go along with it. If I were you, I'd negotiate a buyout if he wants to keep the house or sell it and move on, otherwise, you will look back 15 years from now and your fear will have become a reality. Good luck.

I was in tears yelling at this point

You need to have a sit down heart to heart. Without screaming and yelling. He doesn't understand. I suspect that he gets it's really important, but probably doesn't understand the urgency. His time perspective is completely different from yours.

The fact he's telling you about the texts suggests it's innocent. Guilty minds hide guilty actions. That doesn't mean there isn't attraction there, young women are absolutely attractive. But he's in his 40s, his libido isn't that of a 20 or 30 yo and in men the big brain usually finally gets control during their 30s. Most likely it's nothing more than an ego boost.

Lay it all out, calmly, just as you did here. Your fears, insecurities, your hopes, your needs, what you expect from him and ask him how committed he is. If he's avoiding discussion about marriage / kids there may be something he doesn't like and is avoiding rather than facing with you. It's something you have to go over regardless and get agreement on.

From your description, it sounds like he's committed to you but appreciated the attention he was getting. Get a firm date for the things you are looking for from the relationship.

he barely shared his feelings

This is completely normal.

Ughhhhh!!!! Ok so I’ll start off by saying THIS is the reason younger girls are so annoying. They usually haven’t had the heartbreak experience so they don’t show other women’s relationships respect. (I remember being that girl in my lower 20s and would never do that to a woman ever again). So this little piece of work needs to be told that she can’t be reaching out at all hours as it’s kind of really weird as they are coworkers with a huge age gap (this isn’t a fricken porno this is real life). If he can’t tell her that and he won’t let you tell her that then the decision needs to be that there are no responses outside of business hours unless it is strictly professional. If he can’t accept that then tell him to go find himself a girl under age 24 for the rest of his life because I don’t know any women that would be stoked about this.

Like in my experience In a relationship I would rather ghost someone than do something I know might hurt my SOs feelings just to have an unnecessary argument that will lead to trust issues. Not worth it.

I don’t care if they are “just friends”. He needs to get his little fantasy out of his head and man up for you! The girl needs to be banned from communication outside of business hours or work related projects / juicy gossip!!!

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