Not everyone is your parent

My narc dad is a brick wall; just impossible. Just when he fools me into thinking he has changed, he makes an ass of himself. We are NC after he told me my schizophrenia was my choice. I may have spit on him for that.

Not everyone is your narc parent. What I mean is this: narcs are so easily upset and are so binary in the way they show their "kindness" and aggression that they have traumatized us into looking for those same cues in other people. My narc dad had the most conditional "unconditional" love imaginable.

We know what will set them off, their body language, tone of voice, word choice, patterns, etc. We learned THEM as people to survive and be able to anticipate their bullshit.

I think a lot of victims of psychological abuse from narc parents are on the lookout for these "tell tale" signs in other people, but we are fooling ourselves because not everyone is a like them. It's a defense mechanism we have to break. That doubting hateful voice in your head belongs to them and not you.

I definitely see other peoples' stress and blame my existence or needs, because my needs were always contored into something detrimental to my narc dad. I'm fearful of other people shaming me the same way my abuser did. He challenged me and my worth on all topics to defend his insecurities, and that makes me water myself down for people. I don't get TOO excited about things or show too much knowledge or prowess in my passions because I don't want to be called boastful or be belittled.

I have terrible social anxiety because he always had criticizing commentary on me, my life, my choices, or just me doing manual tasks. He had to feel right and superior or bust.

Tldr; stop projecting your narc parent's triggers and thoughts onto other people and also let go of their voice in your head.