How do I get over anxiety about the meetup phase?
I don't have trouble finding interested guys, but I freeze up when it comes to actually setting a date. I have no idea why I do this, I could be really into the guy but when it comes time to meet up I just get a feeling like there's a rock in the pit of my stomach stealing away all the hope and elation of being asked out. Then I ghost, I'm pretty sure it's just the run of the mill fear of rejection but it's holding me back from actually going on dates with guys I'm interested in. Anyone have any advice or encouragement?
How did you convince yourself to 'take that leap'?
Posted Nov 28, 2019, 3:58 PM UTC
127
If they ask you out, why would you feel rejected?
I meant like online dating when they ask to meet up. it just feels so intimidating and out of my comfort zone.
Then why bother with the OLD if you can't ever meet in person? You are just leading them on.
Stop hurting their feelings and grant them a meetup. They are the ones feeling nervous. As a guy I can attest to this 100%.
What are you afraid of, they won't like you? You won't like them? They will be bad people?
Think, what is the worst possible outcome? You don't get along. Big deal. You have suffered much worse. Like sitting in rush hour traffic for an hour, being sick with the flu, or stubbing your toe in the dark.
You can certainly handle a little date misfire.
I think maybe there's a safety in OLD because you have the comfort of getting to know someone through chatting before the pressure of meeting up but it seems like everyone wants to move things too fast, which I get, no one wants to waste their time but connections don't manifest out of thin air. I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, I'm not intentionally setting out to waste anyone's time because I also invest a lot of time into dead ends but to me that's part of the process of dating.
The worst possible outcome I guess for me is realizing there is no spark and not knowing how to end the date in a polite and non awkward way, feeling guilty for wasting someone's time, because wasting someone's time over text is completely different than wasting someone's time irl.
Don't make any decisions till after the date, and do not end it early. Sometimes the best comes last.
This way you aren't wasting your time or his during the date.
because most of the guys who ask me out on OLD are just asking me out based on initial attraction to my photos without getting to know my personality first and I'm afraid of being too awkward or quirky to be attractive beyond a surface level.
I guess I just have insecurities just like everyone else, it's my hurdle to get over.
Yes, just know everyone feels this way to one degree or another.
As humans we care about the future. Sometimes a little too much, and it hurts our present.
Very wise, thank you for that.
Good luck.