Feel As If

There is this familiar rat

Locked in a diving bell

Over my heart is where it is

When the rush of cold comes

He digs inside and eats away

I’ve been sick for so long

And had this hole made bigger

So many times over again

Suffocate the rat and he’ll come out

You are the heat to make him run

I feel

As if

Drowning

Is the only way

It’s not Monday

Or six am or any reason

The rat is there chewing

Through the musculature

Every day every second it hurts

When I feel your skeleton

My bones they ache They ache for you

Monsters need oxygen

Like I need you

I feel

As if

Sleeping

Is the only way

I don’t want you to be my iron lung

My breaths are so shallow

When you wear your fingers

Down to blood soaked apologies

Sympathies are ironic

When parasitic teeth bite

If I could I would you know that

Sharpen my ribs to form a cage

But how then I can give you?

What you’ve given me?

I feel

As if

Ignorance

Is the only way

Be the needle and get inside

My veins have collapsed

Circulate circulation circuitously

Hands on the drip

Face is the ceiling

Vomit on the floor

Can you be what feeds on me?

Sallow pallor deeper then I’ve been

Anesthetize the insides

Grab the rat and realize

It’s been me behind the curtains

I feel

As if

I feel

As if

As if

I feel

As if

I feel

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