I regret marrying my husband.

Not gonna lie. I had to be trained to live with my fiancée. I had lived my live very spartan and did things differently before her. Living together is a big change and requires sacrifice. My biggest tip for anyone moving in with a SO. Don’t argue about the little shit. Split up the chores equally. I work 10+ hours a day. But you better be damn sure I’ll do the dishes if I want her to cook for me.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Your feelings are very valid, it can feel so isolating when you’re trying to manage the household and it feels like your husband is just awaiting orders. It’s completely unacceptable and you shouldn’t have to continue like this. If he’s willing to put in effort, it can be better. Have you talked to him about how his lack of initiative has made you feel? How did that conversation go?

Sorry to hear about you feeling unappreciated by your husband. It sounds like your issues are him not honoring requests you've made, him not doing chores completely, and you feeling like he doesn't do his fair share around the house. Those feelings are perfectly valid.

As far as the issue with him not doing his chores completely, I would suggest letting the imperfections go. My wife and I had a similar issue. In my marriage, I've tried to take the initiative and help my wife with her chores and instead of a "Thank you", I would get told that I did it wrong and now she'll have to fix it. That really hurt my desire to help beyond my chores because now I wasted a bunch of my time and it just made her mad at me.

We've worked through this issue and the solution was even if I missed something or didn't do it how she liked it, she would ignore the issue and enthusiastically thank me for the help. The admiration I felt from her really encouraged me and made me want to continue to go beyond the minimum requirements to help her.

What are you even doing his laundry for anyways? He's a big boy he can wash his own clothes. In the ten years my wife and I have been together the thought that she would be doing my laundry hasn't even crossed our minds. I do mine and she does hers, and we both do our daughters. Get separate clothes bins and keep every ones clothes separate.

Marriage counseling can be very helpful, I think those feelings are fair. However having a mediator that can help both of your see the others perspective will make him more receptive to your concerns, and possibly you may learn some of what is causing his behavior and things you could do to help elicit a better response from him.

Seriously I did it with my wife and it's a great help, we still go from time to time just to check in and make sure small things that are easily fixable don't turn into larger issues.

Side note: Leave his socks rolled up and wash them, then if they are wet and dirty when he gets them back maybe he'll change.

I feel for you. I dated a guy and we lived together and I had to deal with the same thing. In a time where you are just in this space of self-love and wanting to love your partner, have you thought of hiring someone to help with the chores so that way you can focus more on your healing and you don’t have this additional chore of asking or expecting of your husband. I know it’s no ideal, but it’s a nice middle ground and hopefully over time there can be more peace.

Sounds like a tough situation. I'm going to play a little devil's advocate here and point out my first thought: is it really that big of a deal if the socks get washed while rolled up? And if it is to you, that's perfectly fine. There's nothing wrong with wanting something done a certain way.

But honestly, the real problem here seems to be that your definitions of necessary household tasks seem very different. That is the gap you need to bridge. Whether that's him compromising or you compromising (most likely both), that's where you need to start.

Personally, I'd recommend a counselor. Sounds like some outside advice might be useful to you guys here. Personal injuries are something nobody can ever expect or anticipate and they tend to be significant changes. It sounds like you guys are struggling with the adjustment. And when it comes from something so sudden and unexpected, sometimes an outside observer will make all the difference in helping get things back on track.

You are completely valid in this struggle. In fact, it's very common.

My experience with this was that I was just like you in having different standards. I felt trapped because nothing was getting done the way I needed it to be done, but at the same time I couldn't do everything all the time.

My solution was A) realizing that things are allowed to be 99% or even 75% done. No one is going to come to your house, knowing your ill, and judge you because there's dust in some random corner, or your clothes aren't sorted properly. It literally does not matter right now. And B) understanding that I had infanalized my spouse had not taken the time to teach them how to do things. How were they supposed to know everything that needed to be done without me telling them? Responding with patience and empathy always worked out better for the both of us.

Now, if he complains to you about things not getting done while your sick? Oh hell no.

Sounds like you married a beta male who has some serious man-child issues. I cant imagine sex is very good either.

Just leave him. Go find a proper man, A guy who will fuck you right, a guy who will LOVE you right, a guy who will be your partner in all that you do.

My wife works and is our primary bread winner, I was diagnosed with a degenerative brain disease two years ago, before that I worked delivery and as a heavy equipment operator. I would sometimes put in 16 hour days, but she was also working as much. As a team we worked together to take care of things around the house.

Now that I'm not working I have picked up her end, I do the laundry, I cook the dinner 95% of the time, I clean the house etc, I still change the oil and fix the cars too, just have more time to do it.

You are taking care of a man-child. What you need in your life is a man who understands partnership and being an equal.

Marriage is not life long, you may have a child but that does not need to force you to stay together.

A bitch is a bitch, and i hate to be blunt and "rude" about it but as far as I see it your husband is a bitch.

You moved in with and married a man who still lived with his parents well into adult hood. I do not undestand why women shoot themselves in the feet so to speak, they want somebody who is not your standard male and end up with these worthless cucks who cannot use a powersaw for fuck all, mommas boys. I just do not get it.

I changed the oil, radiator etc in my wifes personal/pov mail truck because it had to be done and it saved us money. Did nothing for me but it helped her out. I'm ALWAYS trying to help her out. You need a partner, not a child. PS she helped me take the seats out!

One thing that has been helpful in my marriage, and might relate to yours, is defining boundaries a bit differently. We each do our own laundry (and no one can criticize). Jobs that are infrequent and no wants to do have a low threshold for hiring out. In my neighborhood, the price to hire someone to scrub your toilet and microwave and floors every other week is shockingly low, and completely worth it. There are people that want the work, and I don't want the argument if it's not getting done properly. If the cost per hour is less than my after tax, it's a no brainer. Once those things are parted out, if he's not good at checking work - consider giving him more clearly defined tasks, such as cut up these ten lbs of carrots and celery so that lunches, salads and stews for the next four days are faster. Figure out what is hardest for your illness and play to that.

If you're not ready to walk, it's time to suggest counseling to him. I've been with my husband for 19 years and it's taken three rounds of counseling to get us back on track. It's not perfect, no relationship is, but nothing shifted until we got help. One of the biggest things our counselor taught us was to show appreciation for the everyday things we do. Now we say thank you all the time. Thank you for doing the dishes. Thank you for doing the laundry. That alone makes a big difference.

If he's not willing to go - you have your answer. You're the only one invested and it's time to leave and find a partner, not another kid to take care of.

if children can learn how to do simple house chores, so can your husband, despite being taken care of forever. kids have to learn at some point, some are a lot sooner than others. if he does an incomplete job, don’t finish it for him. he should realize that halfway doing the dishes, laundry, and cleaning in general isn’t exactly comfortable to live with. at this rate your toddler is going to pick up on chores faster than him, and if that happens i think the light should go off in his head and say “i probably shouldn’t be letting my toddler doing the laundry with chemicals or washing the dishes and knives.” maybe if he still cant or doesn’t understand what ‘finished’ is you can make a checklist and put it by the area? like with laundry- different ways to wash sheets, towels, everyday clothes, how much of what to use.

You both work but you do all the house work as well?

It sounds like you don't work, and I bet you do nag him. I feel like you framed this to make a good guy sound bad.

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ask to see a marriage counselor and if he says no tell him you’re unhappy and don’t want to, but will leave if you have to. marriages can’t always be 50/50. sometimes one of you will be incapacitated, ill, or just physically/mentally exhausted. communication is important, but since it sounds like you’ve been trying he may need someone else (a professional) to tell him. i’m sorry and i understand your frustrations. i’m thankful that my husband does at least try, tho the jobs may be imperfect.