Source
r/MtF•
bhawktech

Horrible experience dating.

So the person I was (is?) dating said they don’t see gender, I seem to get triggered by this comment, I know I’m a person first, but wtf do they mean they don’t see gender? I didn’t start my transition. HRT, surgeries and living authentically to be told they don’t see my gender. The thing is, if what I am sharing here is problematic, I don’t think I could or even want to be okay with being told that my gender identity is invisible. I can’t get over how emotionally draining its been these last couple of days trying to get answers for the way I feel. I’m probably just not ready to be dating. I’m totally okay with someone who feels like their not any particular gender, but at a minimum please don’t assume I’m okay with it. It’s getting late, I really need to get some sleep.

Posted Jan 8, 2020, 5:11 AM UTC

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[deleted]•

[deleted]

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hrt_breaker•

You seem to be very binary, which is ok. You probably would be more compatible with someone else who is, and the good news is there are plenty of people like that.

Dating isn't easy. Don't assume you're not ready just bc it's hard.

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irony_deleriumSarah | HRT 12/12/2019•

Claiming to "not see gender" is a statement that comes from a place of privilege, where a person not only has never questioned it nor had any of the discrimination, bigotry, and such that comes with having a gender identity that is different from the one assigned at birth.

To claim that gender is invisible is to invalidate significant portions of the the identities of most people, whether cis or trans. So much life experience has threads running through our gender, both as we feel it and as others perceive it

Having a problem with that comment makes perfectly good sense to me - I wouldn't be okay with that being told to me either. I hope the person who said it realizes just how problematic comments and beliefs like that can be, and that you at least get some good sleep. 😊

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bhawktechOP•

I have no idea why someone would downvote your comment, but whatever. As for what you shared, it’s my experience that the way people interact with and perceive me is vastly different depending on my presentation. I have been very observant of this phenomenon, especially when I wasn’t passing regularly. I have so much to learn from our community, and for me in particular its my non-binary, gender fluid and non-conforming brothers and sisters that I am trying to get a better understanding of.

I shared a post about dating someone who is nb, and I found myself trying to figure out how they see me. They were not personally uncomfortable with having their gender fluid, but it was them trying me to feel the same, which I wasn’t able to do without feeling horrible. I don’t know how to bring this topic up for discussion on here without people judging me, I have some commenters digging around my other posts, and finding ways to twist my comments so they can create some unproductive criticism of me.

I have to say that I personally think its projection, and insecurities. All I know is that I used to be non-binary before I started my medical transition, and I knew then what I know now, - Non-binary transgender folks are valid, I don’t feel non-binary anymore, and I think that should be respected. I’m rambling. Anyway while I’m on this journey I intend to work on my view of the world, and I know my views will change over time. Hopefully that’s enough, and if its not thats on them.

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