Holy shit!
Throughout life, I've had this intense feeling of shame when I see embarrassing or 'incompetent' things (as perceived by me). When I see someone ask a question I see as obvious, I cringe a little. It of course also happens when I do/say something similar. It's one of the many factors that make social interaction and similar things quite difficult and has also made me more critical which I've always tried to work on, but it used to be difficult to maintain progress.
I always thought it was just because I was judgemental/a character flaw. I realized through trauma healing that my father always yelled/got angry when someone in the family did something like that. I'm just emotionally repeating those feelings of anxiety and inferiority! I know it sounds small but it's an epiphany for me. :D
Trauma awareness is cool. I'm learning so much about myself, whereas a year ago I thought I knew almost everything about me. I was arrogant in my sureness then, being more open minded has helped me relate to people too. Healing is cool.
Posted Jan 13, 2020, 4:46 PM UTC
I can relate a lot to that. My dad would often yell at me when I asked questions. It was clear that that natural child curiosity was aggravating to him. I’m still not completely sure how this got ingrained, but in my family there was some weird shame about not knowing things, or getting caught not knowing things. I guess between the two, it was better to never speak than do something like ask a question because you didn’t get it or weren’t sure.
I had a professor in college that would openly admit to not understanding things and asking for clarification. It was kind of shock, especially because it was such a basic and normal thing. “I’m not sure I understand your point and don’t want to mislead, so why don’t you clarify?”. How shocking!