This is a setback.
She emailed (the last line of communication open). It was just about practical matters, things I thought were finished but aren’t. She was right as it goes. She wanted to call or text as it would have been easier. I declined and kept it brief and formal.
No dramas, but it set me back nonetheless.
Posted Jan 17, 2020, 6:36 PM UTC
This is common. I got a couple of emails a year after it ended which suggested text or phone as a better way to communicate. I politely explained that I'd chosen email. I didn't mention the fact that I'd done so because she had blocked me on both after her last verbal tirade.
I couldn't work out whether she was trying to pull me back in. During the relationship, she relied on me for outreach. She just knew I'd do that every time. And I did... But it was at the least another example of the way that she'd pushed at every boundary... even the ones she pretended to have set herself...
Yes, keep to the practicalities. 100% NC is sometimes impossible. If I get an email about someone dying, I reply with a courteous expression of sympathy. Some stuff needs communication. Well done on the NC!
[removed]
The fact you’ve gotten to the NC stage is an achievement in and of itself. You’ve still got this, setback be damned.
Practical matters need to be addressed sometimes— but it’s very likely your exwbpd will exploit the hell out of this remaining line of communication—or try to convince you to open up other lines over and over again, for “practical reasons”.
This might seem to make perfect sense at times, and probably will make you feel like you’re being unreasonable by not following suit. But that’s bc what they are saying likely DOES make perfect sense —IF you were dealing with someone who wasn’t so emotionally, cognitively and behaviorally dysfunctional. But that’s not the case. And they will never get that part.
I let my exwbpd keep furniture and electronics and other stuff I would have probably tried to take with me if she wasn’t so dysfunctional. None of that stuff was worth inviting the chaos back. I don’t miss it.
Thank you. Given the nature of the discard and how she painted me, it’s bizarre how readily she was to talk on the phone or meet in person. How she behaves towards me is entirely dictated by what she needs. I’m like you at this point, I’ll take a hit just to get her out of my fucking life.
Eh. It still stung to hear from her again though. I’ve been making improvements till today.
It’s just a snapshot of the pendulum. You are either all bad or all good, there is no middle. This just happens to be an upswing...it comes back the other way.
Healthy adult relationships and bottomless emotional support are not compatible things. One person should not be absorbed into the other like a drop of water. You are doing the right thing.