Strampiest

Recent and long-term. Assuming they had either.

We are confused after the discard because they act so vindictively but that is because they were hurt and we remember the beautiful side to them.

— Ross Rosenberg

Thoughts?

Came across some today by accident. It really made me miss her and think of the good times. What’s the best thing to do with stuff like this? Delete and discard? To me these memories have a lot of meaning and as horrifically as it ended I don’t want to just disregard what felt like a significant relationship and period of my life. I’ve never had to do this with previous exes but is it best?

This is a completely self-interested post after a miserable few days but recently there was a thread about some kind of AA style sponsor support.

Mods, is this something that could be approved?

Would anyone be prepared to volunteer or have any ideas on how it could work?

I understand the disorder. I understand that it could never have worked. But these last few days have been brutal. The fact that people need to post here so long after the relationship has ended is slightly discouraging. The fact that she was also, in my opinion, histrionic seems to have made the trauma bond worse and the road to recovery longer. Which is also troubling. How can the best thing ever turn into something so traumatic that you need therapy, support groups and more.

Woe is me. But this is not fair.

Finally I’m moving out of the house we shared and can begin full, unadulterated NC. It’s rough. I’m going to miss this place and I’m missing her terribly. The necessary contact has stirred a lot of things up and I’ve been ruminating on the good times.

Still, it feels like a milestone.

We had agreed everything regarding leaving the house we shared. It was agreed. But apparently I didn’t provide sufficient updates and suddenly she needs things urgently. I want nothing more than NC but not engaging with her promoted lots of snarky remarks and the question “are you doing this to spite me?”

I know she will be out of my life completely soon, but why does she have to be so antagonist and engage so needlessly?

Fuck off.

I’ve seen people describe their pwBPD as “the most attractive person they have ever met irl.” I feel the same about my exwBPD. I’ve questioned whether I would have been so susceptible to the love bombing and stayed in such a toxic relationship if this were not the case. It’s certainly less likely. I threw away my sanity for some nice symmetry.

Why do they seem to be so much more attractive? And how to move on to some more “normal”?

We were hooking up for a while before we got into a relationship. On one night, after sex, completely out of nowhere her face became the picture of anger and she started yelling “You’re nothing!” over and over. I left immediately; never seen crazy like that before. Whilst driving home she was calling and texting me constantly, I ignored. Get home- fuck! I left my keys there. Drive back. Get lots of apologies, end up back in bed (yeah I probably wanted that the whole time). “Sorry about I that, I did it to my ex a couple of times too”. Start watching a movie on her laptop. All these texts appear on the screen from several different guys: “Hey, you called?” “Hey did you just text?” Etc.

I end

This is a setback.

She emailed (the last line of communication open). It was just about practical matters, things I thought were finished but aren’t. She was right as it goes. She wanted to call or text as it would have been easier. I declined and kept it brief and formal.

No dramas, but it set me back nonetheless.

Can we get a list of affirmations for those (including myself) who are going through dark times?

One of the most helpful for me so far: it could never have worked despite your best efforts.

Is this a thing? And if so, why do they do this?

My exBPD had lived in three different countries by the time she was 25. Also, various different parts of our city. When we together we talked about moving to another country. Also the ease at which she gave up the home that we had been making together was quite startling. What gives?

Towards the end of the relationship I was smeared quite badly. Also gaslighted to the point where no doubt, in part, some of the things my ex was saying about me were true and people were telling her to leave me because I was the crazy one.

I liked some of these people, particularly her family, and it hurts to know that they have this negative impression of me. My friends’ response is “who cares what they think?” But I do care. I think most people care about what others think of them.

How to cope with large numbers of people thinking so negatively about you?