Source
r/ttcafterloss•
bones_27

A note on DNA after loss

This is a tiny bit of biology that really helped me make sense of my loss and come to terms with my grief after losing my first pregnancy.

There's a biological occurrence called microchimerism. I recommend Googling it. It refers to the exchange of baby and mothers DNA in utero. To me this is a beautiful concept as my take on it means that my tiny human will always be with me, no matter what. My tiny human is part of me. Part of who I am now and will (likely) always be there. And as I struggled (still do 4 years on actually) with a loss of self this is something I cling to at times, because there's a reason both physical and metaphorical: my baby is still with me and changed who I am.

Sharing because I feel this could help some others. And I truly hope it does.

Posted Feb 5, 2020, 7:27 PM UTC

12210
JojitsuW•

Thank you for sharing this! It's a beautiful way of thinking about it. These losses make such powerful and lasting impacts on us emotionally. It feels so disproportionate that they can pass without a physical or visable trace.

13
babyramirez•

I love this. ❤️

3
Divine18Maria born still at 23 weeks•

I've read about this before and found it comforting as well. We may not have much of our losses, but it's nice to think that they will be with us forever. Not even metaphorically spoken.

3
rockinghigh•

New York Times article about the subject.

3
Green_Tara_Tear33yo, TFMR 23 weeks 12/10/2019•

Thank you so much for sharing that. It definitely made me cry for awhile as I just lost my son in December at 23 weeks and it’s still a bit fresh but this really does make it feel a little better to know a part of him will always physically be with me. I shared with my husband and he got misty eyed too.

3
bones_27OP•

I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry my post triggered some emotions, I hope it helped more than harmed, crying is exhausting and I'm sorry my words and thoughts contributed to that. I'm a TFMR loss mum too, so kia kaha e hoa (Māori for stay strong my friend) and do reach out if you ever need to.

2
Green_Tara_Tear33yo, TFMR 23 weeks 12/10/2019•

Oh please don’t feel sorry, it was well worth the few tears to know his DNA will always be with me. And you are so right, crying gets exhausting but luckily the heaviest period of crying has been over for awhile now so I really didn’t mind. And thank you for the beautiful sentiment, I was mentally prepared for an early loss if it was going to happen but we were blind sided by having to TFMR especially so late in the game. It’s a club I never wanted to join but I gotta say at least the community is incredibly supportive ❤️

2
blahhdyblah3•

I really needed to read this today. I heard my baby’s heart beating at 8 weeks then to find out I lost the baby at my 11 weeks scan. It still hurts so much but after reading this made me feel better. Thank you ❤️

3
OneGirlArmy34 | MMC 2/2020•

This is absolutely perfect. Thank you.

2
MChicago84•

Thank you for this ❤️

1