Source
r/AmItheAsshole•
RoKAccount

AITA for trying to come into my apartment to retrieve my own belongings?

Not the A-hole

So the situation:

A few days ago I was asked by my ex, we'll call them Joe, to leave and that we were over. Everything was pretty calm. I later asked to come and retrieve the rest of my belongings and was met with a resounding NO, I would not be allowed back into my apartment. Okay, send all my stuff to me I guess. They end up delivering most of my things but missing a few. I message them saying I'll be back in a few days to pick up some things, Joe blocked me on almost everything. End up figuring a way to message them.

Okay, so I'm here. Hey, let me in to get my things. Joe says Nah. I'm still on the lease? Joe doesn't care. Can a police escort come and mediate this? Joe says you can't come up here. Here's the kicker: Joe is a big champion for "JuSt MaKe A LiSt". Have you ever lived somewhere for an extended period of time? It is nearly impossible to remember everything you own. You'll remember it in the coming years maybe but by then they've sold it or misplaced it.

I figure I go for the nuclear option: I threaten civil court (keep in mind I really don't want to do this) and now all of a sudden Joe found roughly and had their dad bring 600-700$ worth of things of mine outside but I'm still not allowed up because "Okay this time you DEFINITELY don't have anything else but you can't come up."

What the heck Joe. I'm trying to be civil but everyone I try and talk to seems so upset with me. Even my own landlord who I ask access to my apartment is upset with me like I'm some sort of abuser. This is a small town and the landlord is one of the only lawyers. I feel like if I try anything I'm legally an asshole and maybe literally as well.

TL;DR I just want to go inside the apartment that I'm still technically leased to and retrieve my belongings, but everyone is upset and acting like I'm crazy for this idea. Is it wrong to want to go up there and physically look around? Am I an asshole for that?

If I'm not the asshole, what can I do here? I thought I'd get help in the Legal Advice subreddit but I'm starting to feel like I'm the asshole there too.

Posted Feb 26, 2020, 5:02 PM UTC

356
amberlikesowlsAsshole Aficionado [15]•

I feel like there is missing information here.

15
ensanguineAsshole Aficionado [18]•

Yeah the entire circumstance behind the break up. Very vague, and makes me suspect some sort of abuse. I wouldn't allow someone abusive back in if I could help it either regardless of the legality of it.

3
RoKAccountOP•

Definitely never any abuse. But I am imagining they are really trying to make it seem that way. The downstairs neighbors can act as witness, we've never so much as really raised our voices to one another and have been mostly open about our feelings, even when we disagree on something.

1
ensanguineAsshole Aficionado [18]•

In that case the police should've escorted you in to retrieve your belongings. I was in a similar circumstance when I moved/was kicked out of my parents apartment and I was escorted back by the police to pick up the rest of my stuff. I think it's technically theft, especially because it's your place too.

5
NeedAnOffButtonSupreme Court Just-ass [117]•

NTA. Your name is on the lease and Joe isn't legally able to deny you access. Have police escort you for safety, take your things, and get the officer as a witness that Joe will not permit you access without police escort. Use that witness to leverage severing your name from lease or you'll be on the hook when Joe stops paying rent and tears up the place.

12
obvsthrowaway978564•

NTA - he cannot keep you out of the apartment if you are on the lease, you are a tenant and it is a shared lease. Go to the police, explain the situation and they will aid you, communicate with the landlord that you are a tenant of his property and therefore do require access regardless of the other tenant. If not then go to court as this is garbage behaviour from your ex and something that legally isn't okay in any way shape or form.

8
TheChudlowAsshole Aficionado [10]•

NTA.

If you’re on the lease, you can go in. Call the police to mitigate and record what you’re doing while you’re there to cover yourself.

7
stunning-stasisPooperintendant [65]•

NTA. You're on the lease, you can come and go as you please. Call the police if he resists.

6
AngeloPappasSupreme Court Just-ass [144]•

NTA - Why didn't you just call the police like you said? You are on the lease and it is your home. He is breaking the law and you are letting him get away with it. Follow through on your threats and don't be a doormat.

6
RoKAccountOP•

I did, they said it was a civil-court issue and that I'd have to work it out with Joe or take it to court. I really don't want to do that.

1
AngeloPappasSupreme Court Just-ass [144]•

So then stop talking about it then. They told you what you can do and you are choosing not to, so end of story then.

2
RoKAccountOP•

I know it sounds terrible but I'd really rather this person not get in legal trouble. I'd rather let them keep the stuff but if they don't let me come get it then, idk, I guess I'm a doormat.

1
AngeloPappasSupreme Court Just-ass [144]•

Yeah he's clearly been so good to you /s.

It's not like he will get arrested and thrown in jail. The court will just decide who gets to stay in the apartment and who should leave. He will also have to provide a time when you can come get your stuff.

Not standing up for yourself and your legal rights does kinda make you a doormat, sorry for being blunt.

3
ReggieJPartassipant [3]•

Ok then. Sorted. You're ok not getting your stuff. Joe is ok with you not getting it. No reason to maintain contact with Joe when he clearly doesn't want it.

1
stunning-stasisPooperintendant [65]•

Say you want an escort.

1
stumpdawgPooperintendant [54]•

NTA. and please for your own sake make a post in r/legaladvice.

Youre on the lease. You were kicked out by your ex-boyfriend not the landlord. Your boyfriend has no legal basis or right to balk your efforts at retrieving your belongings.

4
MyLadyFromGuatanamoCertified Proctologist [20]•

Info: What caused him to tell you to leave?

3
RoKAccountOP•

I'm not the best earner. I wasn't making a lot of money. A few days earlier there was an argument that I needed to figure out my situation and stop being poor. I had paid them 2 weeks prior to this, enough for almost an entire months rent, but I'm guessing it wasn't enough.

3
Fcutdlady•

Is your boyfriend contributing to the rent. You should only be paying half the monthly rent if he lives with you?

1
ReggieJPartassipant [3]•

OP is being so vague, it's a dead certainty they were freeloading.

3
superfastmommaColo-rectal Surgeon [41]•

Hold on, is your roommate a man or a woman? Your posts contradict the facts here.

1
_tropical_tundra_Pooperintendant [62]•

Get a lawyer and sue. Unlawful eviction, get fees paid by him, and an order from the court to go in and search

NTA - he’s clearly the asshole

3
meithePartassipant [2]•

NTA, and call the police. If you are on the lease then I think it's still your home.

3
[deleted]•

Info: Was everything leading up to the breakup peaceful? Is there a reason why Joe wouldn't allow you to get your things or block you on social media? Also, why would everyone just suddenly start treating you like you're an abuser if all you've done is ask for your stuff?

It feels like there's a lot more to this that you're not sharing.

2
RoKAccountOP•

It was peaceful. Their parents came by and everything because Joe was extremely upset. I don't know much about their last relationship but it's possible their relationship before me had some form of abuse I was never told and they are just following the same steps they took last time.

2
[deleted]•

This is a pretty strange situation. I don't really understand why it would escalate this way if things ended peacefully between you. What upset Joe so badly that his parents ended up involved?

3
RoKAccountOP•

That's a great question and I have a feeling it will remain a mystery to me for a very long time.

1
[deleted]•

Well, based solely on what you've said, I would say you're NTA. If you're still on the lease, I don't see where he can keep you from returning to the apartment to get the rest of your stuff. It's unfortunate but at best you'll probably have to have the police accompany you to get it back and at worst you'll have to pursue legal action.

1
ReggieJPartassipant [3]•

Yeah right

1
superfastmommaColo-rectal Surgeon [41]•

This is dead on. While at glace it appears you aren't the one in the wrong here, if every other single person is calling you crazy for just going to get your stuff, that's a big red flag.

2
AfroliamPartassipant [3]•

NTA.

Get police assistance and landlord assistance in retrieving your things. Ask both to come along so you can be let in and police can escort you incase of any trouble.

2
sgmalek89Asshole Aficionado [14]•

NTA. Call your local PD's non emergency line, request a police escort, and be prepared to have a copy of your lease agreement showing you on it. There's nothing he can do to stop you at that point.

2
CrescentDarlingAsshole Aficionado [12]•

OP doesn't seem to really want to go about things the logical way.

1
AutoModeratorMODAutomation Enthusiasst•

^^^^AUTOMOD The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read this before contacting the mod team

So the situation:

A few days ago I was asked by my ex, we'll call them Joe, to leave and that we were over. Everything was pretty calm. I later asked to come and retrieve the rest of my belongings and was met with a resounding NO, I would not be allowed back into my apartment. Okay, send all my stuff to me I guess. They end up delivering most of my things but missing a few. I message them saying I'll be back in a few days to pick up some things, Joe blocked me on almost everything. End up figuring a way to message them.

Okay, so I'm here. Hey, let me in to get my things. Joe says Nah. I'm still on the lease? Joe doesn't care. Can a police escort come and mediate this? Joe says you can't come up here. Here's the kicker: Joe is a big champion for "JuSt MaKe A LiSt". Have you ever lived somewhere for an extended period of time? It is nearly impossible to remember everything you own. You'll remember it in the coming years maybe but by then they've sold it or misplaced it.

I figure I go for the nuclear option: I threaten civil court (keep in mind I really don't want to do this) and now all of a sudden Joe found roughly and had their dad bring 600-700$ worth of things of mine outside but I'm still not allowed up because "Okay this time you DEFINITELY don't have anything else but you can't come up."

What the heck Joe. I'm trying to be civil but everyone I try and talk to seems so upset with me. Even my own landlord who I ask access to my apartment is upset with me like I'm some sort of abuser. This is a small town and the landlord is one of the only lawyers. I feel like if I try anything I'm legally an asshole and maybe literally as well.

TL;DR I just want to go inside the apartment that I'm still technically leased to and retrieve my belongings, but everyone is upset and acting like I'm crazy for this idea. Is it wrong to want to go up there and physically look around? Am I an asshole for that?

If I'm not the asshole, what can I do here? I thought I'd get help in the Legal Advice subreddit but I'm starting to feel like I'm the asshole there too.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1
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1
ouroborosstrugglesCertified Proctologist [26]•

Info: why did you leave if you were on the lease?

1
RoKAccountOP•

It was a very calm break-up. There was no yelling and overall just a very understanding experience. They were very upset so I left quickly to give them space. I didn't think to take the keys because I figured I'd be taking myself off the lease soon anyways. The issues only happened once I left.

1
ouroborosstrugglesCertified Proctologist [26]•

Let me rephrase: why did you agree to move out?

Or rather, agreeing to move out with no discussion of how that would go was the initial mistake and now you've got to walk that back.

Not knowing the reasoning for why your ex wouldn't allow you in?/why you broke up, you're NTA. If this person has some reason to believe they're in danger from you, yta.

Hope Legal Advice is helpful, my first thought would be to call the cops/sherriff. Without keys you're in a hard spot.

1
RoKAccountOP•

Definitely no history of abuse. We've always been very calm around one another. I agreed to leave to give them space.

1
aminigogoColo-rectal Surgeon [37]•

NTA

call the police and get an escort into the apartment. you're still on the lease so you're legally allowed to be there. don't ask for permission anymore, just do it.

1
Mom-MomZilla•

Go to court, get a restraining order that allows you access to your apartment and restrains him from stopping you and go with the police to clear all of belongings out of there. Then get your name off the lease as quickly as possible so you’re not on the hook for rent and utilities. Good luck and God Bless!

1
[deleted]•

NTA, your name is on the lease, you have every right to access the apartment, I personally would call the cops to be there when you do go though

1
Lexi_BannerAsshole Enthusiast [8]•

NTA. Call a police escort and get your stuff. He doesn't have a choice in the matter - legally speaking, he was in super in the wrong to evict you without proper notice, especially if you're on the lease.

1