Missing

Wow, I knew exactly how you intended on that being read instantly. Felt like a wavy roller-coaster reading it in my head.

I should read the posts on here more often. Good stuff amigo.

I love this! Your rhythm is so well established that the last line standing alone is very effective. 'I'm hoping / I'm hungry // I'm starving / My vision' is amazing; it almost comes across as panting, very desperate, and the imagery is very visceral. I just love how everything stands alone so well, but still flows together. Awesome job.

The spaces between the short lines made them more impactful, like I was being physically cut off as felt like I almost had to hold my breath in between them. I could feel this tension, a sort of yearning and anxiety. I also really like the transition of “There’s always / Something / I’m missing”, where all 3 lines could be read at once, or separated into “There’s always / Something” and “Something / I’m missing”.

Thank you for sharing!

As well as that biting, uncertain pace I love the theme of living this unfulfilled and incomplete life in this poem. As if you are constantly searching for something to fill this void inside you and you are grasping and reaching out but you never quite get there. Really excellent

If you read this to the tune of Roxy music's in every dream home a heartache it sounds so good.

There is uncertainty, blinded by a vision of loveliness. Is she just being nice to me or do they really like me? I'll need to wait, in case ive missed something, I've missed things before. If I wait though the chance could just pass me by. I'll wait. I'll make my move when I know for sure. Oh oh, doo de doo de, doo de doo de ( twilight zone music) I'm in the friend zone. Nooooooooooo

This is so great! I love how the space between the stanzas really enhances the "missingness" that the words suggest. I also think that the last line being alone adds to the abruptness and empty feeling. You leave the reader feeling like something is missing by setting up a pattern of two lines together, and ending with a single line.