Source
r/socialskills•
NiceAtMyCore

When is listening to someone's problems "done"?

I have no gauge for this. I know I'm definitely someone who solves problems and doesn't know when someone is just looking to vent, but I don't know when to do one thing or the other.

When I just listen and ask questions, I dont know when it's over. I'm interested, but in lieu of being allowed to show I care by putting effort to making the person feel better, I dont know how to "be there" for them effectively.

At some point I run out of questions, and my brain just screams at me "okay now fix it", and I don't know where to go other than to say something dumb like "yeah that sucks".

I'm introverted and don't feel the need to spill my problems to other people, so I dont have that "skill" built up at all, it just feels like at some point I'm done talking and I back off, but there's no resolution, to the problem or the conversation. No "thanks for listening", or show of emotion, or whatever else, its just..."to be continued, or not".

Posted Mar 11, 2020, 9:46 PM UTC

33
oxfordcommaordeath•

I too would like to know this better. I feel the same way

1
EmmiKhan082316•

I think that when people are upset they vent and voice their problems at the same time, as in, they just jabber about it to feel better but are also looking to fix the problem. But it can be very confusing cause they will bring up a ton of things leading you to ask more questions to pin point a good answer to their problems.

Problems are never easy to fix honestly. I believe problems are not just about one issue, its multiple issues linked together. So dont feel bad if you feel like you aren't doing enough for them.

They are the ones with the issue and you're only the listener. Nothing more than that. You are not their therapist. You have no control over physically or mentally fixing anything in their life. It is their choice to take your advice or not. You're simply a lovely helping soul who will do so much as you can.

Sorry if my advice isn't much help but its just from my perspective as I am in a similar boat as you. I work in the medical field and most of my peers are always talking or venting about issues almost everyday to me. I myself am introvert and I never tell them anything in my life that I have a problem unless I feel that it really is necessary for me to benefit from. However I usually just keep to myself and mind my own business.

Being an introvert is a blessing and a curse at the same time because people see us as calm so we are usually aimed as the helper or the ear to their problems even though in the inside our minds or to whom we show our true selves is a whole different story of who we really are as a person. I'm not saying that helping others is bad I'm just saying that from my experience with those I'm not so close to, I'm always targeted from people who seek help.

Anyways I hope I gave you atleast some reassurance. I kinda went too deep into my thoughts of this and if I continue you'll be left with an essay.. But I hope you have a wonderful day Don't be so hard on yourself You are a true listener which most people lack in this crazy world.

1
nightmry17•

I would stick to just listening and if they ask you for advice then give it to them. You could reflect and suggest what you would do if you want, but try not to sound like you're pushing an agenda

1