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r/OCD•
failed_emo

How do I stop obsessing over a cringe moment that’s about to happen so I can sleep?

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This is making it difficult for me to sleep. I’m sorry I don’t know where else to post this.

So I was recording some friends with an action cam strapped on to me while skiing. the plan was I share the relevant sections when I get home. One of the people suggested I hand the camera to a friend who wanted to upload it to their social media.

So here’s the problem. I have Tourette’s which gets really bad when I’m alone. I didn’t stop recording until I was at the bottom of the hill. So there was a bunch of content of me saying really cringey stuff.

I’m bad at these situations where I say no. I didn’t want to trigger a discussion into my Tourette so I sort of went okay..: hoping they would forget. No dice.

So the problem now is that my mind won’t shut up about it and I’m having trouble sleeping. I’m also bipolar with ocd tendencies.

I keep reminding myself there’s nothing I can do about it. If they ask I’ll just be straight up about having Tourette’s and it isn’t a big deal. I’m obsessed over how cringe a few common lines I say are. I can’t make me obsessing over it stop. The content of the lines being exposed bothers me more.

I’m having trouble sleeping. If I can’t get good rest then my symptoms tends to get worse. I’m thinking of popping another pill which knocks me out but I’ll be drowsy then next day.

I was hoping there would be some alternative. Any ideas?

Posted Mar 14, 2020, 10:16 AM UTC

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psychedelik_mess•

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling. I’ve been there. Here are a few thoughts to keep in mind:

  • if they’re friends worth keeping, they’ll understand and won’t mind and honestly might even find it funny. I hope that doesn’t offend you. But some of my best friends are the ones I’m able to laugh at my struggles with.
  • you are more focused on everything you do than anyone else is. Nobody else is going to stay up at night thinking about your lines or the video, just you. For everyone else it will be a fleeting thing before they get back to thinking about themselves and their own lives
  • hey man, you have a disorder. Be kind to yourself! It’s hard, I know, but try. Imagine it wasn’t you in this scenario, but a friend. How would you treat them? How would you hope that they’d handle it? You’d probably hope that they’d realize it’s no biggie and that nobody really cares.

Those are some thoughts, but I know darn well you can’t always think your way out of your thoughts lol. Some more physical recommendations for when you can’t sleep because you’re ruminating about something:

  • absolutely no electronics, really try and resist the temptation to look at your phone. Tbh tho I fall asleep well with TV (eyes closed, just listening) so I’ll put on a quiet light show at a low volumes. Sometimes so low I can’t even understand what the characters are saying because the drone of conversation or just familiar show sounds are good calming distractions at least for me. Other than that, really just avoid screens.
  • read a book if you can. It won’t strain your eyes, will likely make you sleepy, and a distraction from what’s going on in your head. YMMV with this though because I’ve been so anxious before that I was incapable of reading a sentence lol.
  • One of my favorite breathing techniques that’s good for anxiety but I think also for clearing the head: breathe in slowly, and breathe out slowly and imagine all your thoughts, fears, concerns pouring out of your fingers and toes as you exhale. That’s nice sometimes.
  • this is more general for trouble sleeping: change of location. Sometimes I’ll find myself tossing and turning in bed feeling wide awake. So I’ll actually bring my pillow and a blanket out to the couch and try and sleep there and most times I’m out like a light. Speculating here but I think this is a space association thing. Spending a lot of time awake in bed maybe tricks my brain into thinking bed is an “awake” space. So I go somewhere that isn’t necessarily an “awake” space, the couch, because I fall asleep on the couch a lot. So if there’s anywhere besides your bed you find yourself falling asleep sometimes maybe try sleeping there. I’ve also spun around so my head was at the foot of the bed and that can help too.
  • Ok this is a “thinking your way out of thoughts” suggestion but a little different than thinking about the situation itself. Imagine your happy place: this one is tough sometimes for me. I have a hard time just thinking about something else, but try if you can. I find it helps if it’s more of a challenge than a passive activity. Like rather than “oh my happy place is the beach, and I’m at the beach right now, it’s nice” (this might work for you which is great) I like to pretend I’m planning a whole beach day or whatever makes you happy. “I need to get up around 8am. I will go find my swimsuit, I think the pink one, and I will place it on my dressing chair. Then I will go find .... etc” and get as into it and as convoluted as you want. I like this one because (1) it feels productive, which soothes anxiety sometimes (2) it’s not real so there’s no stress of ACTUALLY having to coordinate a beach day or what have you lol (3) the planning/challenge aspect of it keeps my attention on it better than the passive imagination. If fake planning sounds terrible, I’ve heard of running through a step by step of how to do something in your head. Like break down swinging a baseball bat or knitting a scarf into all its little steps and walking through them in your head.

Holy crap this comment is long, and your post is 2 hours old so probably too late, but I hope even one thing helps!! Feel better and this too shall pass.

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failed_emoOP•

Hey I really appreciate your post. I guess you’re right about the friends understanding thing. If a friend said those things I’d laugh and understand, but that could be because of my experience with mental illness.. I’ll remind myself of that when the thoughts get out of hand again.

I was fortunate enough to fall asleep after filling my tummy with some eggo. Maybe it was the hunger making the thinking get worse? But I got a good rest and j thought I’d update. Thanks again!

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psychedelik_mess•

Really good to hear! And omfg I can’t believe I forgot about food. Hunger makes everything worse and can keep you awake by itself. Thanks for the update!

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failed_emoOP•

Sorry I don’t know who else to talk to but this can’t get off my mind. The last two days my Tourette’s have been occurring more frequently. I can’t focus on anything else.

I thought maybe if I type it out it might loosen the stress.

I have this tic that goes “I wish I had a gf and if I had one I would be happy”. It’s involuntary and just comes out. I’ve had it for years.

So I was recording friend’s gf ski and there’s a few times the tic came out. This probably doesn’t matter but I’m not into her. Since the cam was on me and the mic is sensitive, she would have heard it all if she played back the recording. Which my dumbass gave to her.

Today the ones I’m in contact with are ignoring me when I talk about other stuff. The messages can be seen as read. Usually they’re responsive.

I think why I’m obsessing over it is because the friend with gf is my potential future employer and if I creep out his gf I’m sure he’ll be forced to axe me. In addition his brother is probably the only person I consistently see in RL.

So creeped out gf -> bf and his bro axe me -> employment opportunity fucked and loss of consistent social interaction

The friendships themselves aren’t what’s making me cringe. Okay they are but not as bad as the future result.

I’m barely mentally functional as it is. This is probably the only opportunity I have to make a decent living. Due to my conditions to my various conditions my prospects are pretty bleak.

So far I have been cool with the gf but she is judgemental and slightly racist (not to my race lol). She is the type who would get creeped out easily.

So far I have been telling myself: It’s okay what’s done is done (as if this works) I have to let myself feel it out. Overtime the cringe will get less Even if I do lose this prospect. I can try to ease myself into working other jobs even if part time. If lose those friends.. well fuck them, they sure weren’t friends to begin with

Ahhh man now the ski hills have closed so I don’t reason to see them anymore to clarify things. Pls shoot me

This is affecting me more than the potential I have the virus Damn it

If you read this I’m sorry I just I don’t know. I’m praying my feelings soothe. The last time my illness made me lose a friendship it took me 4 years to stop cringe at it.

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psychedelik_mess•

Hey I’m totally here for you! You sound like you’re having a hard time and like that hard time is affecting your quality of life. Have you thought about getting into therapy, if you haven’t already?

If you’re in therapy, I highly recommend bringing this situation up to your therapist. They will have a much better idea of how to talk to you than I will but I’m gonna try!

You’re totally right about writing things out. I hope it brought you some relief even if it was temporary. I need to get better about writing my thoughts out myself.

Have you heard of problematic thinking in people with anxiety? Do some research if you can. I have a really good infographic I’ll send to you if I can find it. I think it’s really helpful to familiarize yourself with these patterns because it will help you identify yourself when maybe the way you’re thinking about a situation isn’t exactly rational. I see a few examples in your response:

“I’m sure he’ll be forced to axe me” —> jumping to conclusions/fortune telling

Personally, I think this situation would be a really odd one to fire someone over.

That your future social interaction is dependent on this opportunity —> Jumping to conclusions/fortune telling

There might be more to this than I’m reading in your response but if not, this just isn’t true dude! Sure jobs are good for social interaction, some more than others, but there are ways to socialize outside of work. This is a whole separate thing that I’m not gonna pretend people don’t struggle with, but the point is that your entire social future is not fucked of you don’t get this opportunity.

“This is probably the only opportunity I have to make a decent living” —> catastrophizing.

Again, I am too distant from the situation to really be able to say you’re catastrophizing here, but I do feel comfortable enough to say that this will not be the last job opportunity you ever find for the rest of your life. It might be hard, things might not fall into your lap, but this will NOT be the last opportunity you ever get.

Generally —> emotional reasoning. “I feel embarrassed so that must mean that I acted in a way that was embarrassing.”

This is hard. I struggle with this. And it’s harder when you don’t really have facts to work with. It sounds like you’re a little in the dark as to the reaction of others. But this is where I kind of reiterate my above response about being kind to yourself.

Now because I do have some distance from the situation, take above with a grain of salt. Just giving an example of working through and identifying problematic thinking. This helps me sort through stuff sometimes.

Lastly, if you’re comfortable, I think you could tell these people if you can that you have Tourette’s. I gather that they don’t know. Honestly, this is the key in my mind if you haven’t told them because it provides a perfectly understandable explanation for everything. I think this could make all of your worries moot. Honesty is usually a good idea. Also a concrete action (facing the cringe and telling the guy!) can do wonders for anxiety. Opening up a dialogue with this guy could give you a lot of insight that could relieve a lot of your fears. It might confirm some of them, but honestly just knowing for sure might make you feel better.

Hang in there! The positive thoughts you laid out are great and I emphasize them to you. This situation will one day be a blip in your timeline.

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