I hate it

Its abrupt, its got quite bold imagery, I like it! Its imagery we can all relate to, and you’ve tailored that to give us a personal message we can all understand in a way.

You’ve got this!

The story you are trying to tell feels phenomenal. It seems like there are broadly 2 parts to this poem. The first half till ‘I just hate it. It describes the scene in emotions, which can be expanded on. Then the second part exhibits a thought process in the mind of the person in picture. This is where the rhyming scheme didn’t happen. You had quite a lot to say, which got jumbled up. Try’s rewriting that with depth to each idea.

This is how a poem with potential becomes and poem that just slaps. I would love to see a revisited version of this poem.

Gonna be str8 up with you. I dislike the rhyming scheme but it seems you didn’t have a lot to work with. Give yourself a better opening and don’t be afraid to delete some lines to make it overall better.

i’m enamored with the way this poem feels like boris the spider by the who, yet it still has its own unique identity. it’s gothic and scary, yet also modern in the context of the perspective of someone who is LGBTQ+. i also love the way this poem still ends in an unsettling, doubtful, and quizzical note. the end and the begin of this poem feel fluid yet concrete at the same time. what you created with your mind is beautiful.

my only piece of advice would be to embark more so upon that idea of your sexuality and the lack of acceptance from others as opposed to the spiders, or maybe even think about how you can use webs as a metaphor for staying in the closet about bisexuality? nonetheless, i cannot control what you feel, but i would try rewriting this in different mediums and see where your hands take you. fantastic job!

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Well, there's a typo. (Accept).

But I think it should end at "Yet it doesn't stop me from sleeping where the spiders are". I think that says it all.

This might be better if you spelled it out a little less. I love these parts:

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"I hate the spiders on the wall."

"I hate not knowing where they crawl."

"Yet it doesn’t stop me

From sleeping where those spiders are."

​

You're on to something there. Develop that a bit. The flat out saying "I'm bi" feels clumsy and like over telling. I know you want to tell the story of not being ok with that, with it feeling out of control and frightening yet unavoidable, but I would say, show us, don't tell us. You've got some gold with that spiders metaphor.

Awesome and raw. Keep stripping away the layers of ur psyche. The first step in achieving happiness is identifying the things that make u unhappy. Good work.

The consistent imagery of "creepy crawlies" is good. Consistency of a certain theme is always a good thing to have in poetry. However, attempt to refrain from starting lines off with the same word. For example, 8/13 lines begin with the word "I". Try to mix it up a bit instead!

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Overall, good job! This is also a good first step in opening up who you truly are. Poetry is a form of self expression. Self acceptance will follow soon, I'm sure of it! Best of luck OP.

I love the spider and spiderwebs imagery. Are you struggling to accept something recent about yourself or your life? That's definitely what it sounds like to me. It's got a very dark and in your face tone that jumps and surprises the reader and in think that's really a good way to get your point across. Thank you for sharing with us and keep at it!!

At first it's a little angsty, for lack of a better word. After I read it a couple more times, I started to realize your depth. You understand your nature and see others directly. Nice.