Goodbye

this is so beautiful. i normally hate rhyme poems, but the rhyme scheme you used works really well. the rhythm and flow are perfect. i like where you mention clawing at your skin until it’s raw and red; i can really feel the desperation to get this person’s fingerprints off of your body. my only suggestion might be to change the last rhyme, the repetition of “you” could be substituted in order to be a little less redundant, but i think this poem is beautiful as it is. i wish i could write like this.

You've done a great job balancing your way through a theme with such a short and a nicely flowing piece. It has an end worth the middle so to say. The lines are nicely even and they feel holistic. I was still left wanting more of a punch in the end. I think you did a good job nonetheless.

You did really good on this. Your rhyme scheme wasn't consistent throughout the whole piece, though, so I feel like starting at the line "I watch the colors" it lost some of that momentum that you had built up with the rhyming because it sort of fell apart inside of my head as I was reading it. I really like your choice of words though.

Ugh, this encapsulates how I currently feel with my ex. I desperately want her memories to be gone from my mind while simultaneously basing my happiness off of those same recollections. That's where the pain creeps in and indeed exactly why I have taken three showers today and clawed at my skin. All I can do is hold out for the end of your poem, which ironically is the same thing I can do in reality. Hold on. There will be a day where time adorns me with the pleasures of forgotten memories and yet I will still be the wiser for it.

I like how the poem flows, especially with the strategically placed "you"s throughout. My only suggestion would be to revise or think about the punctuation you're using. If you want to refrain from any punctuation use to make the poem feel more "empty" like the memories of the subject, i'd recommend removing the comma just after "electric." Otherwise, I'd add in a few strategically placed periods (perhaps after "are gone"? to make it feel as a part of the poem

Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem. I enjoyed the imagery you created, and could feel the pain you're going through, especially the bit about clawing at your own skin. Although I do believe that you might want to use a uniform rhyme scheme, because I was searching for the rhyme as I was moving along the poem once I noticed that there was indeed rhyming at the beginning . That made me focus a bit much on finding a rhyme and distracted me from the poem since the rhyme wasn't there throughout. Also, I noticed that 3 of the lines in the poem end with "you", and although this might just be a personal preference, I feel like ending the lines of a poem with a length such as yours each with a different word just gives it that extra push to be more interesting. All the best!

I love your descriptions. I think you can make it a bit more fleshed out near the end. I was kind of left wanting more.