My brother passed away yesterday, please give me a few minutes and read this.
My big brother had a sudden and massive stroke on my birthday, March 31. By the next day, he was unresponsive with no brain activity and we were told he's only breathing from the ventilator, and that there was 0 chance of any type of recovery. so we had to make the decision to remove him from life support and let him go. What was especially hard about it, and i know this is happening everywhere, is due to the virus, hospitals are pretty much on lockdown with no visitation allowed except in special cases. And because my entire family is i quarantine in different places, we've made that decision with each other by phone. We asked the hospital if there was any way someone could be there with him when they removed everything and in his last moments, even though he was completely brain dead and unaware. They said one person could go. He had 4 siblings and one adult daughter. His daughter actually HAS been tested positive for coronavirus so could not go into the hospital. It was collectively decided that I should go. His daughter asked me to keep her on speaker phone the whole time so she could sort of be there and so she could talk to him even though he couldn't hear her. While I had her on the phone in his ICU room, she asked me to take a picture of something so she could feel more like she was there. Rather than showing her a morbid picture of him in his dying state, I took a picture of my hand holding his. That was it, nothing but the hands. Then everything was removed and he quickly died. I came home and cried for hours and it was hard because I'm in quarantine alone and none of our family could be together. I made the stupid mistake of posting the picture of our hands to r/pics this morning with the title that this is my brother who died yesterday. What happened next really shocked me, I guess I'm naive. I thought it was a sweet photo. I checked in about noon and saw that the replies were mostly hate comment. So as I sat there alone and desperate for just a few kind words, I cried my eyes out as I read comment after comment, calling me everything from a dickhead, to a karma whore, to a tasteless piece of crap. I was shamed for exploiting my brothers death for upvotes. I read them until I couldn't anymore, until I felt like it was true, I was a terrible person. The thing is, I don't really even understand the reddit mentality, I don't understand what karma is even for and why upvotes are coveted. I don't get it. I just come here to see amusing things and fleetingly connect with some cool people. And yesterday I came here to find some sense of support while I'm grieving alone. I finally deleted the post because there was no sign of the hate stopping any time soon.
ANYWAY. I would like to just show you this photo of myself and my big brother while he was healthy. Because although apparently I don't deserve respect, he certainly does. He was a beautiful soul.
Thanks for reading all this, if you did. Bless you all and my sincere condolences to everyone here who is grieving,
Posted Apr 3, 2020, 3:41 AM UTC
I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my brother suddenly almost a year ago. You shouldn't feel bad about any way they you react..someone who has not suddenly lost someone close to them can not understand, and even someone who has, may not understand someone's actions. I have learnt that grieving is such an individual process. I felt guilt for a long time, and even still do now about my reaction and how I feel. So let me say again, you should not have to feel negative feelings about any way that you react.
If you want to cry then do... If you want to post stuff about grieving then do... I have found this place a good place to vent, even if no one replies, people are listening.
I hope that you can find even a fraction of the support that I have found from being on this forum.