Guilt, From the Ground
I don’t know how someone could do what you did,
I usually don’t find myself wanting to destroy other people.
Not to brag, but
When I decide to kill an insect instead of putting it outside
I’m encompassed by a visceral wave of guilt.
You, on the other hand--
How long did you look while I struggled to breathe?
Did you feel responsible?
You did that to me, you know.
With bits of sunlight magnified
By a small transparent body
And a generous helping of salt,
You’ve stood by the death of ants and slugs.
I don’t know why you couldn’t take an extra second
To sweep me up
In a drinking glass, with a piece of scrap paper
And let me go
Outside, where I belong.
I think you just like the act of squishing bugs.
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Note: this is the first poem I've ever seriously written and I'm new to the sub please bring on the constructive criticism :-)
Posted Apr 3, 2020, 7:30 PM UTC
This is a dark poem, but you make use of great and understandable imagery. It's nice to see how you express that hurting something or someone is an act to be ashamed of. But I personaly would change the "not to brag" to something else. Because feeling ashamed of killing something that's alive is a normal reaction. Not feeling ashamed of killing something that's alive is the thing that's not normal. But overall, a nice poem with a dark subject and great imagery.
Thanks so much! I meant for the "not to brag" part to be 100% sarcastic haha
Ah, I didn't get that. In that case I would sugest that you definately keep it in!