What are/were your pwBPD’s friends like?
Recent and long-term. Assuming they had either.
Posted Apr 17, 2020, 9:10 PM UTC
1328
She has two types of friends: absolutely insane or submissive. I noticed she likes to be thought of as a good person, so she seems attracted to good people.
15
So true. Two types- total submission (soon to be dismissed) or insane that just keep coming back for more and more.
6
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14
Lmao, you're comments are always so brutally honest they're great to read, and relate-able.
3
There's truth in this. Because as soon as my life improved and I was doing okay(going back to school, making new friends, joining the military etc) that's when suddenly she felt abandoned and freaked out. It wasn't that she felt abandoned. I stopped being a loser and now she's insecure. They like to make friends with people "lower" than them cause they will never leave.
2
Sweet!
2
they were all either as abusive as she was and outwardly very dysregulated and unstable (and generally super open about suicidal ideation and lots of tmi things), or they were codependent doormats.
she burned through friendships pretty efficiently. her longest-standing one was an on and off again thing with an aggressively npd person and they would have feuds lasting for weeks and weeks and cryptically jab at each other through social media accounts but act casual to each other's faces; they would also create and upload projects meant to upset one another. they were constantly competing and tearing each other to pieces.
even back when i was in the FOG, the dynamic disturbed the hell out of me. they both would get energized by this toxic cycle. they'd known each other for 10 years at the point the pwbpd and i met, and she referred to this npd person as her "mentor." haha...
10
She rotated her closest friends and who she hated fairly regularly. Cousins were inseparable one month hated the next. Same with her mom and coworkers. Her friends were fine. All liked me all still do.
9
Ah, the old splitting and black/white thinking. My ex-pwPBD would rotate hating/loving his family members. Even his own adult children spent years at a time "painted black".
2
Yup. exhausting.
3
My ex had long term friends. I liked them. Thought they were all nice.
8
They either had selfish assholes, codependent enablers, or naive/gullible people who don't know any better. Only close friend was definitely a narcisist. Many long term friends were those they saw only once in a while or only through online communication. Work friends were kept superficial or they've fallen for the "innocent/victim" persona and fawn over them or enable them constantly.
8
He didn’t have any friends except women who he was cheating with. His therapist suggested he make male friends since he couldn’t handle female friends, so he made friends with a 50 year old unemployed guy who lived with his mother. He came home one day and said his friend finally went to the doctor for his sore throat and was diagnosed with strep throat, bronchitis, and schizophrenia. I asked why the doctor thought he had schizophrenia, and was told because the guy was having intrusive thoughts about killing his girlfriend. WTF?
7
He didn't have any. He spoke about/to a friend from college twice while I was with him (almost 2 yrs) but we never met up with the friend and his wife.
He did have his family though - and wasn't THAT a treat. 🙄
6
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6
Most of them were dudes she fucked or fellow addicts, that she also fucked at some point. No real friends to speak of.
5
It was a weird one. We met through a mutual friend, so I know they had at least one from back in the day. But they claimed their most recent ex (before I became that) cut them off from their friends. Now reviewing everything they told me with a massive pillar of salt.
So, after that breakup, they joined a club in order to make friends, but it always seemed to me as if those friendships were just that. The club. The pub... And that was it.
Honestly, far as I could tell, there were no, what you might call, true friends.
And there's a degree to which I believe they kept themself away from closeness with anyone. And I do believe this was out of self-hatred.
I also believe maybe no one could put up with their crap for extended periods. Who knows for sure.
4
My ex gravitated to very broken, messed up people, who had completely destroyed previous relationships, especially if they were members of AA. She even started wearing the AA jewelry and behaving as if it was some form of cult.
4
My pwBPD doesn't have friends. Over the years, I have seen her go through several would-be friends, and devastate a few others. It's the typical love-attention-bomb scenario, attached at the hip for weeks or a few months. One I even overheard saying how "cool it was to have a bestie!" SMH. Poor girl. Soon came the ignoring of calls/texts, not answering the door dismissal. That one called me, asking what she did so wrong to offend my wife. I assured her she didn't do anything wrong. I also recommended not to be friends with my wife as she doesn't know how to treat people (or doesn't care to). All my pwBPD has is her fucked up enmeshed three sisters and mother. I can see it's best that way.
4
What friends? She didn't really have any.
She's probably the most introverted person I've ever met. Which is funny, because every time I went out with my friends she would always get angry or depressed. I quickly associated those two things and instead of going out with my friends I avoided them. I realized that way, way too late. So much for making great friends in college.
I was her closest friend throughout that time, though she claimed to have others. I really only met a couple of them one time. I think I can count on both hands the number of times she went out with friends in a year. I feel bad for her though, because she desperately wanted friends and never seemed to rationalize that feeling or realize that they wouldn't just pop out of nowhere and that she had to put effort into socializing to get them.
4
She didn’t really have any close friends. And frequently complained that she was no one’s best friend.
4
No long term friends except me (3+ years), other "friends" were just recently met coworkers and dudes trying to get in her pants. Older friends disappeared along the way. I must've been the only one willing to put up with all her bs and submissive enough for her to keep me around. From my experience, my pwBPD can't sustain healthy long-term relationships with platonic friends or significant others.
4
Honestly really sweet. They all had immense patience towards her which she didn’t deserve. They still are patient with her. They still treat me nice to my face which is the only thing that matters. Still hang out with one sometimes
3
He had "friends" sort of in High School but dropped them and became friends with my daughter's friends for awhile. Then after our daughter married him he lost all interest with those friends. Now as far as we know he only has online friends that he plays computer games with and sometimes get money out of. But none of us has had contact in a long time so who knows?
2
My ex wasn't able to maintain close friendships. He would hang around with acquaintances who seemed to like him a lot. Then once the friendship reached a certain level of closeness, he would turn hostile and end the friendship. I suppose that's when the BPD "fear of engulfment" kicked in.
The friends themselves seemed like fairly decent people. Some may have been on the codependent side, judging by the frequent calls and texts.
2
First off, the words "pwBPD"&"friends" really don't go together bc in reality all they have are orbiters, flying monkeys, and enablers in real life.
But to answer your question, In the beginning, I thought it was peculiar the way the few ppl that actually dealt with my ex acted around her. It was as if they knew they were in the middle of a proverbial minefield and just wanted to get the hell out & away to safety ASAP. Needless to say it all makes sense now in hindsight given the shellacking I took during our relationship.
Conversely, my ex has thousands of followers on IG, but only about 6 ppl in real life she maintains in her life that actually have a significant amount of history w/ her.