Source
r/Antitheism•
Sad_Addition

How can I tell my father's side of the family that the reason I don't go to church is because I'm an atheist?

I try to be respectful towards my dad's side when it comes to religion (Mostly Baptist with some members being catholic) but they try to push their agenda towards me.

For example, when I was a teenager, my grandmother tried forcing me to date guys in her church around my age group so that she could have a great grandchild (which I was a closeted bisexual and didn't want children). It got to the point where I didn't want to speak to her because of the pressure of trying to get me married off or something.

As an 21 year old woman, I didn't believe in God and didn't see the point in going to church (unless it's a funeral) where I have to be forced to listen to things I don't agree with. My grandmother and other members of my dad's side got wind of me not going to church and they're annoying me into going to church. I tried being nice and saying stuff like "I've been working"," I prefer reading the bible on my own", and other excuses.

I'm tired of the constant pestering about my church habits that I don't know what to do. If I say that I believe in a different god, they will get pissed and disown me. If they keep on pushing me, I don't know when i will snap. What should I do?

Posted May 10, 2020, 2:01 AM UTC

2611
dave_hitz•

I don't see anything disrespectful about sharing one's religious views. I mean, aggressive proselytizing is different. But if someone shares that they are Christian, I think it's equally appropriate for me to share that I am an Atheist.

That said, it is true that some religious people don't react well to that. Some people are oddly triggered by the world atheist, so you might get a less negative reaction saying, "I'm not religious."

17
AtheistDuck•

I also sometimes qualify the “atheist” word by saying, “It’s not that I believe there’s no god; there’s just not a god in which I believe.”

4
AtheistDuck•

We should live in a world where you can just tell them you’re an atheist and they will stop. But, depending on where you are, not only might they not stop, they might blame you and ostracize you, which can spread further than your family.

If that’s the case, instead of giving them that info, consider the following: Ask hard questions, in a kind and sincere way, and then listen attentively to their answer. If you ask the right questions, they will never have good answers. When they’re done, talk to yourself aloud about their answer as if you had given the answer yourself (you’re pointing out the errors in their argument but directing the response at yourself so that you don’t come off as arrogant or aggressive and, instead, seem genuinely interested in their words and are working it out in your head). Then turn to them and ask the next question (sometimes the same question which they never answered), in a kind and sincerely curious way, and then listen attentively again.

They don’t want to actually have these conversations because they don’t have real answers. They won’t be able to be rude to you or blame you because you were kind and because you showed sincere interest in their answers. And, most importantly, in a few days, your words will cross their mind again and they’ll wonder why they don’t have an answer — leading them to question it themselves or to stop asking you because they don’t want to feel like they don’t have answers.

Eventually, they will just stop asking. But you have to be truly interested, actually listen, and be prepared to outlast them (some people really wanna hear themselves speak/preach). For tone and sincerity, look up Anthony Magnabosco. For the real questions, look up Matt Dillahunty or Hypothetical Bullshit. (Just a few of many examples.)

6
22012020•

Consider this in a calm state of mind try to be as little influenced by emotions as possible, and run the math : Is it worth the fights/drama/social repercussions/possible loss of inheritance? I am not saying it is or isn't only you can answer that, but if you are in your easrly 20's, and I don't mean to sound condescending or dismissive or anything, you got a whole lot of life ahead of you, and you are now probably more hot-headed and prone to rushing into decisions with life-long consequences than you will be when you grow older. There will be plenty of other compromises you will have to consider making with the world ahead of you.

I am an atheist and anti-theist, just making it clear, but sometimes I partake in religious rituals and churchgoing , rarely admittedly, for social and family reasons. It s in my head not that different from pretending I like my job or attending some work-related social function that I would much rather skip. But then again my folk are very much moderates and aren't aggressively pushing me into anything.

Take care, stay safe, but be carefull how you pick your battles and the hill you chose to die on

3
Sad_AdditionOP•

That's why I'm uneasy about it. Is it worth the drama when we just had a loss in the family. I'm just tired of them pushing me to be the "perfect Christian woman". It feels as if they love an idea of me instead of loving me for who I am.

I've spent most of my life faking who I am in front of my family. It's killing me on the inside to closet myself (both sexuality and lack of religion) from the people who should care for me. I feel disrespected when I go to church and the preacher/ father is the same types of people who aren't accepting to myself and others.

2
22012020•

Well you seem to have it all reasoned out, by all means , stand your ground

Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them. When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself. Do not harm little children. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

the above are the 11 Satanic Commandments , may you find the wisdom you need to find your battles in there And by all means , let us know , keep us updated, you can lean on us heathens and unbelievers for whatever moral support we can give

1
SocietyInUtopia•

r/exchristian is probably a better place to post this.

2
Sad_AdditionOP•

I'll check it out. Thanks

1
Maxtrt•

I'd just tell them that you've found that the church doesn't represent your values and that it would be dishonest to your true beliefs to continue attending. I would also say that by attending you would be committing a dishonesty by allowing others to believe that you support the same values as the church congregation.

1
Sad_AdditionOP•

I would say that if they listen to me. They tend to think that I'm not able to make my own decisions even though I've been doing such since I was a teenager.

2
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
Taxtro1•

They are "pestering" you, because they think you are insufficiently committed to a thing you theoretically on board with. From their perspective, they are just trying to help you live up to your own aspirations.

I don't know your family, but it seems to me the correct answer here is honesty. Tell them that there are no gods and this is the reason you are not going to church.

1