Seasonal mixed episodes suck
Well, it's May, and I've once again entered the hell that is my four-month-long mixed state. Once September rolls around, it's like I can breath again. But, until then, it's like everything around me, as well as my own mind, is metaphorically screaming at me.
I'm on medication, but it's at a very low dose, and the psychiatrist that I saw for a one-time assessment last December said it wasn't high enough to have a mood-stabilizing effect.
In the next few weeks, I should be hearing from a potential therapist. My family medical clinic's on-call social worker has been amazing in sending a referral out for me, while the mental health system in my area is being restructured.
Just wanted to vent, I guess. It's especially tough to feel the worst in summer each year, when the world is at its most jubilant. Thanks for reading.
Posted May 19, 2020, 2:04 AM UTC
I feel you. I usually get depressed in the spring and then have a bad mixed episode in late summer. Fall I'm usually in the clear and build my life and good habits back up.
I'm particularly worried about this summer given everything else that's going on. Wishing you the best of luck. Hopefully you can find a therapist.
Out of curiosity, when you look back on the last few years do you notice a major gap in your memory during the summers? I can hardly string more than a few memories together from the last two summers.
Thanks so much for your response, it really helped me feel less alone. Actually, a healthcare representative phoned me yesterday to complete my intake interview, and now, I have my first phone appointment with a therapist on June 10th. I'm both nervous and excited, as I have a lot of trauma to work through, so that I can move forward in my life.
It's interesting that you mention memory gaps; because, because six years ago, my worst mixed episode began with increasingly large memory gaps.
While in these gaps, I would sometimes take my prescribed medication a second or third time, and then wonder where it had gone later, when I looked at my pill dossette. It took my ages for me to realize that I was blacking out and re-dosing my meds, causing me to experience their unpleasant overdose effects, such as extreme dry mouth.
At the time, I was in a very abusive home situation, which probably made the blackouts worse. The episode ended with me being unable to sleep for 3 days, at the end of which I was bordering on psychosis. It was one of the worst experiences of my life, and is something I keep in mind to propel me down the path to better health, and away from unhealthy relationships.
Other than that episode, I haven't experienced many blackouts, at least, that I know of. But as the Red Hot Chili Peppers say, 'I don't ever wanna feel... like I did that day.' Hope this helps, and thanks again.